Continued Discussion About Stay At Home Moms & Working Moms

Erin, over at Exceptional Marriages comments on the conversation over the last week. She says

As I read the discussion Pam’s linking to, I can’t help but think that a big chunk of the problem isn’t that people think staying at home with kids is less fulfilling and enjoyable than working outside the home. The problem is that for many of us, staying at home with kids really is less fulfilling and enjoyable than working outside the home.

Hold your horses. What I’m getting at is not that the life activities of parenting aren’t inherently as fulfilling as the tasks of a paid job. They are, often more so. What I mean is that the structure around us all is set up so as to fulfill many of our real human needs for connection and competency better when we’re out getting paid than when we’re not. It is unnatural for a woman to spend eight hours a day with nobody but her own kids. Where are the other women she could be spending her days working with side by side? It’s not always that they’re out working. We just have set up so many barriers to human connection. The solution isn’t that we should send our kids somewhere else, it’s that we should find ways to make the connections we need, to exercise our competence in ways that satisfy. Continue

Many people pointed out that our current model of society places heavy barriers on family life and community life. I think Erin says it all.