Voter’s Guide For Unserious Catholics

1) Draw devil horns on each of the prospective candidates. Whichever candidate looks least like like devil gets your vote!

2) Using any part of a candidate’s full name, vote for the candidate who is named after the most canonized Saints.
Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton – Hilarion, Hilary of Poitiers
Barack Hussein Obama – none
Johnny Reid “John” Edwards – 18 (15 Johns, 3 Edward)
Fred Dalton Thompson – Thomas the Apostle, Becket, More, and Aquinas
Rudolph William Louis Giuliani III – Wilfrid_of_Ripon, Louis XIV,
Samuel Dale Brownback – none
(There can be some dispute over transfering names between cultures. Remember, this is for Unserious Catholics.)
3) Pick the candidate who has the most Catholic schooling. (Guiliani has 16 years.)
4) Pick the candidate with the most children. (John Tyler had 15 children when he was president.)
5) Draw wings and a halo on each of the candidates and pick the one that looks most angelic.