1. Move car forward 5 inches, then stop.
2. Get out of car, cross street to Caesar’s Palace, enter lobby, ask concierge where the buffet is.
3. Ask buffet people when dinner starts.
4. Stop by bar, order and drink a scotch.
5. Go back out to car, start, and move forward 5 inches, to keep up with the “movement” of traffic.
6. Go over to the Venetian, and play a few hands of blackjack.
7. Ask the pit boss how many people he’s caught cheating, and have a pleasant conversation about how he loves his job.
8. Stroll casually out to car, stopping on the way to flirt with waitresses.
9. Get in car, start, and move forward 5 inches, to keep up with the “movement” of traffic.
10. Discover that the Las Vegas Department of Traffic Destruction has the left 4 lanes of Las Vegas Boulevard coned off because someone ran over a squirrel or something.
11. Realize when you’re passing the Bellagio that they have that icky Celine Dion “Titanic” song blaring from speakers.
12. Search in vain for some long, sharp instrument with which to destroy your eardrums.
13. Remember that your car has a radio.
14. Turn on radio and turn volume up to 11.
15. Realize that pedestrians are looking confused as to why an agitated-looking man has the NPR national news turned up so loud that his dashboard is melting and his fillings are falling out.
16. Start making calls inquiring about having your car heli-lifted out of traffic, so that you can make it home before your retirement age.
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