The 7 Keys to Becoming a Conscious Elder

Have I lived my life as I should have? When I am close to death, will I have regrets, looking back on the life I lived? What can I do with the rest of my life?

These are just a few of the questions posed by Ron Pevny in his book Conscious Living Conscious Aging: Embrace & Savor Your Next Chapter. And if you’re in your mid-to late-50s or older, the time to start answering these questions is now. Pevny, the Founder and Director of The Center for Conscious Eldering, says that:

If we start this inner work during the years of our early elderhood (late 50s and 60s), we may be able to gain more satisfaction and contribute more to the greater good than if we wait until we are very old, have less energy, and are naturally more inwardly focused.

Pevny believes our goal should be to not simply drift into old age—but to age consciously with intention. He explains “being conscious means being aware of our talents, passions, aspirations, and deepest callings; aware of attitudes, beliefs and habits that block our radiance, and sabotage our potential.” Aging consciously means “increasing our awareness and then acting on what we know.”

Importantly, as we enter this third phase of life, we don’t have to settle for the norms and values of our community or culture—or listen to the ego’s views, which are “shaped and colored by our society.” We should look at aging from the perspective of the soul, which always looks at the bigger picture. That’s especially important now, as Pevny writes:

These are times of crisis. Our world cannot afford to have tens of millions of its citizens (many highly educated and skilled) believing they are incapable of making a difference in their elder years. The world needs conscious elders.

7 Keys to Becoming a Conscious Elder

What follows are what I found to be the most important elements toward pursuing a path of conscious eldering. The words below are pulled from Conscious Living Conscious Aging and are lightly edited, with a few of my own thoughts tacked on.

• Pay close attention to what feels important to you. It may manifest as a “knowing” in your body. Use this to determine the path best suited for you. You may need to try a few paths before landing on the right one.
• Identify and let go of the things that bind you to the past. Shed your identification with roles and purchases that once brought you satisfaction but whose time has passed. If you’re retired, have you moved on mentally from your previous job? Do you still need the big house? All the material possessions?
• Look for synchronicities. Become sensitive to external events that strike a chord with your psyche. They’re usually accompanied by a sense of awe or another strong emotion. You may even receive clues in your dreams.
• Deepen your spiritual life. Use the spiritual practices that most resonate with you—and try new ones. Experiment with new forms of yoga, meditation and contemplation. Read up on spiritual topics you know little about but that spark an interest.
• Focus more on how you will be and less on what you will do. To cultivate your inner life, simplify your outer life. Savor each moment and experience with gratitude. Allow the real you to shine through.
• Provide a service to the community. Figure out what you can contribute. It should flow naturally from who you are and engage your purpose and your passion. If it’s not apparent what you should do, try new things.
• Engage in periods of silence and solitude. Remove yourself from the noise of daily life so you can remain in contact with the still, small voice within. You might find that being in nature works best.
• Set your intentions for the next year—or five years. Write down the goals you want to achieve. Then, envision them being accomplished. 

A Life Review: Looking back to look forward.

This point seems so important, I’ve devoted a few paragraphs to it. I recently wrote about life reviews as a part of near-death experiences. But the fact is you can partake in a life review here and now. Pevny calls it “the foundation for much of the inner work of conscious eldering.” He believes there is great value in examining the past, explaining:

There may be experiences of loss we have not fully grieved, wounds that have not healed, of resentments that have not been forgiven—all of which can sap our energy, close our hearts, and dull our light as we age. There may also be experiences of joy, compassion, idealism, strength, heroism, and divine support that can serve as sources of inspiration, reminding us of what is best in ourselves and in life.

There are two ways to go about a life review. Pevny recommends breaking your life into 7-year cycles. But you might also consider breaking down your life by jobs you have held, places you have lived, or by your intimate relationships. Reflect on your strongest memories, including “the most difficult or painful experiences, the influential people you met, the most joyous or enlivening experiences.”

As you recall long-forgotten experiences, contemplate their meaning today. This can help you become aware of both the lessons you’ve learned—and those still to be learned. By identifying what has brought meaning and joy to your life so far, you can gain insight into what might bring you further fulfillment in the years to come.

Many thanks to my next-door neighbor Maria, 81 years young, for lending me this book.