I stuck to my guns, thinking that I was speaking with a prophetic voice in a godless place, until I received a phone call from a close friend of mine. We were both Music Education majors, and because we shared nearly identical academic schedules, we had become good friends. "Matt, a lot of people are angry with you."
"You noticed that, did you? Let them be angry," I postured. "I just told them the truth as I see it."
"They only want to be regarded as human beings and afforded equal rights."
"Did they have to be so underhanded in the way they sought support? I wore jeans that day, because I didn't know what they ‘meant,' and had to go back and change my pants, because I can't support what they do. I was raised to believe that their lifestyle is sinful."
"Matt, I'm gay. Your letter was really offensive to me and to some other gay people you're also friends with. I never would have expected this from you. You've always been a decent, respectful guy. Are you telling me that we can't be friends because I'm gay?"
My mind reeled. I had no idea. "Of course I'm not saying that. I value your friendship and think you're a great person."
I became aware, then, that God was trying to speak to me. I met with the director of the Wooster Chorus, Professor Jack Russell (yes, I know), to speak with him in confidence about what I was experiencing, and to explain why I had fled rehearsal. He recommended to me a brand new book to which I had already been drawn in the campus bookstore, but hadn't purchased because of the cover price. Without thought to the cost, I purchased the book and began to read it in earnest. It was The Good Book: Reading the Bible With Mind and Heart by Rev. Peter J. Gomes, a professor at Harvard University and the minister at its Memorial Church. I knew there was a chapter in there somewhere about homosexuality, and I thought this Harvard professor could help me sort some things out. Working my way through the book, it was obvious that this great minister, author and theologian had deep wisdom, and I devoured every word. I was impressed with the way he dismantled biblical justifications for discrimination while maintaining a reverence for the Word itself. Then, on page 164, Dr. Gomes revealed to me his own homosexuality, saying, "As the university's pastor and preacher, as a Christian, and as a homosexual, I decided to reclaim by proclaiming a vision of the gospel that was inclusive rather than exclusive, and to do so as a Christian who was more than the sum of the parts of which I was made."
That spring, none other than Dr. Peter Gomes himself was Wooster's commencement address speaker. He also happened to be personal friends with Jack Russell, who was only too happy to introduce me to him after the ceremonies. He signed my copy of The Good Book, which sits proudly in my pastoral office today, a little worn now from repeat readings. In that way, Professor Russell, always keen to lend an ear and a word of advice as I sorted through my call to the ministry, shaped my theology of God's radically inclusive love for humanity, as well as my hunger for deepening study, for years to come.
My senior year, I began to worship with a Presbyterian congregation in Wooster that was led by a liberal pastor, and at the same time I returned to the Wooster Christian Fellowship. Somewhere in this odd juxtaposition, I found a place of creative tension. I applied to Princeton Theological Seminary, because I felt as though it, too, would offer me an atmosphere of theological tension that afforded opportunities for growth. Today, I am a left-leaning pastor serving a conservative congregation only 45 minutes from my hometown. I continue to relish and learn from the tension between the two, as though my path of discipleship were a tightrope. To keep my balance, I hold in one hand the locally prevailing conservative values that keep me from heresy, and in the other hand the Good News of God's great love for all of humanity. Because I was afforded the opportunity to "leave home," I was able to "form a separate self." Having done so, I have been able to return home and offer my life, as an adult individual, to the Lord.
Reverend Matthew Camlin, who received his M.Div. from Princeton Theological Seminary, is pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Chester, West Virginia.
See other articles in the series on "The Life and Death of Faith on Campus."
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