Elder Holland begins his talk with a story of three women whom he met in an airport. All three have recently divorced; in all three cases, their husbands were unfaithful; and in all three cases the husbands had earlier used pornography. However, rather than making the talk about pornography, Elder Holland chooses instead to focus on lust as a power in our lives. Noting that women can be just as prone to both pornography and infidelity as men (which, a huge topic of itself, will have to be addressed elsewhere), Elder Holland seeks in this talk to dissect the moral problem of lust. Referring to it as a "deadly sin," he asks why is it deadly? He says it deadens the soul, but more immediately it destroys the union between man and woman.
As we know from an earlier address, Elder Holland feels that this union is meant to be "the union of all that they possess -- their very hearts and minds, all their days and all their dreams. They work together, they cry together, they enjoy Brahms and Beethoven and breakfast together, they sacrifice and save and live together for all the abundance that such a totally intimate life provides such a couple. And the external symbol of that union, the physical manifestation of what is a far deeper spiritual and metaphysical bonding, is the physical blending that is part of -- indeed, a most beautiful and gratifying expression of -- that larger, more complete union of eternal purpose and promise."
Lust then is poisonous because it mimics some physical effects of this union, without the relationship itself that renders it healthy. This counterfeit can destroy the trust at the heart of any healthy relationship. Lust can invite suspicion, mistrust, loss of faith, loss of love, and eventually separation and divorce. If left to fester, the damage to a relationship can be fatal and it can alter the affected person's ability to love for generations. While I acknowledge the spiritual damage done by sin to the individual, it is the ripple effect of the loss of a healthy relationship that I find particularly harmful. (However, I should also note that if you are in an abusive relationship, my advice is to get out as quickly and safely as possible.)
Both Pres. Monson and Elder Holland offer advice for those caught up in lust or pornography and I recommend that you look at their talks. It is good advice. But in this post I'm going to stick to this argument about why pornography is bad for you, because I think that it isn't ever really well explained. Elder Holland and Pres. Monson both do admirable jobs, but since I don't actually represent the church, I can use naughty words (like orgasm). So prepare yourself for Uncle John's sex talk.
Pornography is bad for exactly the reason that Elder Holland states: it's a substitute for a healthy relationship. The goal of any porn movie is to get you off. It isn't for the porn stars to achieve orgasm, except in the most technical sense. Pornography is about the fulfillment of your sexual fantasies and your desire for orgasm. The end of nearly every scene is an orgasm. The culmination of every movie is an orgasm. People in the movies behave erratically every time there is the possibility of an orgasm. Do you see a trend? Pornography teaches individuals that the purpose of sexual intimacy is sexual climax.
Honestly, I think that in church culture we have bought into this. I think that there are two basic reasons for it. I think, first, that pornography (like anti-Mormon literature) is too easily accessed and (unlike anti-Mormon literature) is prevalent throughout society. I remember a Friends episode entitled "The one with the free porn." That's mainstream American entertainment, people. Our church leadership, whom I love, grew up in an era when pornography was treated much like a controlled substance. It ain't so today. There is too much of it (I doubt anybody goes more than a week without encountering it in some form or another). Treating it the way we treat any other potential addiction is insufficient.
Second, because we still speak of sex primarily in euphemism and symbol, porn has filled the void. For better or for worse, people care about sex. In the absence of clear church information, porn has filled in, making a lot of money in the process. Overall, American society has embraced pornography as instructive. I'm going to argue that church culture has done the same.
When church members have tried to combat or, at least, provide an alternative to the world's outlook on pornography, two tacks have been taken. First, handbooks. You can several books about sexual intimacy lining the shelves of LDS bookstores. Take, for instance, And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment by Laura Brotherson, which features a cover of two people awkwardly holding hands, as if they are ashamed that someone would recognize them by the wedding bands. Advertising itself as a "marriage book, sex book, and parenting book," it attempts to be your one-stop shop for questions fixing your marriage. How? Based on the title (I haven't read the book), it will seemingly fix it by helping you and your spouse achieve orgasm. If one considers the content of the book, I'm told I'm dead wrong, but that implication is definitely there in the title.
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