Stop Fighting to Save Marriage

The implications of this understanding of Christian marriage are far reaching. Not long ago I found myself in a meeting with some top ranking members of a prominent conservative evangelical organization. In this meeting we discussed many things, in hopes of taking the ideological temperature of young Christians. Much to my surprise, and simultaneously not all that surprisingly, one of the representatives of that organization admitted that evangelicals seemed to be winning on abortion, but may have lost on marriage. That is, many polls show that young people are less likely to support abortion rights than previous generations, but are much more likely to advocate for gay marriage than their antecedents.

Though I took some exception with the way this assertion was framed—in terms of wins and losses—I acknowledge the truth that it captures. But, I wouldn't call the fact that young Christians believe in equal marriage rights a loss. Rather, if we want to talk about marriage in terms of wins and losses, it seems it has been a losing race for as long as any young Christian can remember. Marriage in the United States is a sham. It is literally the prize one receives at the end of a game show. It is so far from Christian marriage as to be completely unrecognizable and yet, in the realm of gay marriage in particular, Christians fight for it like it's the Holy Grail. It isn't.

I recently surveyed the periodicals I most often read for evidence of what marriage looks like in America today. I found stories about applying economic theories to marital relationships, advice on filing taxes separately if you worry your spouse may be involved in some shady dealings, a story about Playboy's Hugh Hefner's marriage to one of his models a quarter of his age, and a rather moving story about a lesbian couple who decided to share a donor's sperm in order to start a family (much like the plot of the film The Kids Are Alright, which I loved, by the way). And none of this even mentioned the divorce rate.

Marriage in America is a secular institution; it has taken a shape of its own and has been a separate thing from Christian marriage for a long time. Let's stop fighting to save what hasn't been for a long time, and what ultimately, doesn't need to be. It is and has been a lost cause. I support any and all people who want to engage in government marriage and pray for God's blessing on their lives. I'll offer advice and recommend that they file at least three days in advance for a marriage license. But mine is a Christian marriage, bound not by the paper I paid extra for, but by the covenant my wife and I made privately before God, and publicly before our community. In that, no one else's marriage, or divorce, or affairs, or "it's complicated," or any other relational situation has any effect on my promise.

Christian marriage, however, is worth defending. We believe it is an institution set in place by God. Government marriage is necessary too, but is free of the sacramental weight that Christian marriage carries. There are plenty of good reasons to be married in the government's eyes, rights that should be shared by all, and tax breaks that, as the article I mentioned above points out, only apply to married couples filing jointly. In a country such as ours that promises equal freedoms to all its citizens, the benefits of government marriage must be available to all. But government marriages are easily broken, like any non-religious contract. Rather than lament this, or fight over who should have access to these opportunities, Christians should thank God that his covenants are far more lasting, and, ultimately far less expensive.