Friendship and the Artist

The next thing you want in a shelter is sturdiness. Beleaguered by the mounting winds of a storm, a person would be foolish to seek refuge from a place that is so frail it might collapse on him. A sturdy friend knows who they are and that God is the ultimate source of grace. A sturdy friend can listen to an artist air their doubts without having to agree with them, which will just add fuel to their struggles anyway. If you are sturdy, you can tolerate the more intense emotions of your artist friend without embarrassment, discomfort and the need to protect yourself. When the flood of emotions has ebbed, a sturdy friend can be relied on to be a voice of reason.

Finally, a sturdy friend has the self-possession and courage that produces a climate of accountability around the artist. This is expanded on in the Biblical proverb as, "A faithful friend is life-saving medicine." Taking our medicine is rarely something fun. Friendship can be that spoonful of sugar that can make hard things to hear something we feel humbled by as opposed to resentful.

Sometimes, artists need from their friends simply the good example of discipline. It's a real paradox that creative people who can make every sacrifice for their art generally can't summon the will to stick to a good choice in any other area. I remember marveling at one friend who was a genius in music but a disaster in pretty much every other area of human life.

At other times, an artist will need someone who they knows loves them to ask the hard question, "What were you thinking?" It never fails to surprise me how often the answer comes back, quietly, "I guess I wasn't." Artists tend to be motivated more by emotions and might need to be encouraged to embrace the—to them—boring and unreal aspect of their reasoning faculties too.

As somebody who is engaged in the demanding and competitive and often cut-throat arena of Hollywood, I have many times experienced situations in which my friends have loved me into being better than I would have on my own. One time, after a business associate had done me a particularly dark turn, I was raving to a friend about all the ways I could get some revenge. I looked up to see my friend watching me with a faint smile: "You really want to pay him back, but you won't. It isn't who you are." If only she knew! But I was shamed by the strength of her certainty, and I couldn't let her down.

Finally, someone taking refuge from a storm needs a shelter that is large enough to hold him. Imagine taking refuge in a space so small that to fit you would have to squeeze yourself into a contorted shape. Would it be a place of rest if the space was oppressive and cramped? So too, the artist needs friendships that are freeing and that foster growth. Spirits need to stretch to gain the heights to which they are called, and it is friendship's gift to be able to delight in facilitating this. The artist needs voices that are constantly saying, "It's okay to experiment!" or "Try a new thing! Don't be afraid!" or, "Go on, move beyond me! I'm mainly here to praise." The artist needs to be free—from fear, from sin, from unnecessary anxiety, and most of all from the limited understanding of those who stand outside the primary creative relationship that is between God and the artist's soul. If you try to impose your vision on your artist friend, they will soon begin to long for the storm outside, where, at least they could chase the realization of the ideas that are haunting and driving them.

The last part of the biblical Proverb gives us a clue as to where artists might find a person to be our sturdy shelter. Pursue God, His kingdom and righteousness, and you will find yourself in the company of people who get you on your most important level. That is, your most defining attribute is much more Child of God than it is artist. In the same way you pray to God for the ability to persevere and master your craft, and to make a worthy return to God on the talent He has invested in you, also pray for a holy friend who sees you not just as a maker of things, but as a person whose way to holiness is though being an artist. An artist needs a friend who gets that. Holiness is the end. The work of making art is the way there.

No one on a journey remains forever in a shelter. It isn't meant to be a permanent home. If you have done your job as sturdy shelter, eventually your beloved artist will soon feel compelled to set out again. But the conditions of the shelter you have provided will have everything to do with the artist's survival and success. As an artist, you know you have found a friend who is a sturdy shelter if, in leaving them, you feel renewed. You know again what you need to do, and you have a new infusion of courage and patience to do it. As rest is to the body, so is friendship to the soul.