What Would You Like Me To Pray For?

"Like" the Patheos Catholic Page on Facebook to receive today's best commentary on Catholic issues. If I know you, chances are you've heard me ask, "What would you like me to pray for?" It often unlocks what is pressing on the minds and hearts of the people I care about. Over the years, the necessity and practice of intercessory prayer has grown on me. I now inquire after colleagues, neighbors, my children's friends, a Facebook group, and the occasional random acquaintance or stranger. The true power of intercessory prayer is modeled in the Mass. Through it Jesus prays for us to the Father, as we pray collectively for the Church and the world. Indeed, the Prayers of the Faithful are just that: Prayers made in faith by faithful members of the Body of Christ. To pray for the living and the dead is a spiritual work of mercy. Therefore, it is a practice worth cultivating in daily life. I started doing this intentionally —pardon the pun—about twenty years ago. I prayed the rosary every week with a few neighborhood moms. We'd take turns leading the various decades and meditations. One by one we'd name our needs or personal petitions aloud, sometimes providing a detail or two, and often asking others to remember a "special intention"—the Catholic code phrase for I cannot publicly disclose the details, but God knows what it is. Intercessory prayer became a way to keep my loved ones close even we were apart. Instead of just wistfully "sending good thoughts their way" or "thinking of them," prayer became a tangible action that I could do for them in their absence, besides keeping them close at heart. In later years, I dealt with difficult health issues, with thousands of prayers lifted on my behalf. It is hard to describe the experience of feeling carried beyond my own strength to have endured some of those days. But thanks to the prayers of others, and witnessing my own renewal through them, I don't hesitate to ask when I need prayer, or to offer it for others. I think we all long to reveal what's really going on with us to a compassionate friend. But we are too often afraid, or just cannot find the words. So in those moments intercession becomes a kindly form of attentive and gentle listening. Intercessory prayer became essential in my family life, especially around toddlers and teenagers. Both age groups often resort to forms of withdrawal and harrumphing when something is amiss. So patiently seeking a connection becomes an act of love. In the toddler's case, offering your lap, a story, and whispering a little prayer as you sweep back their hair is often enough to carry the moment. For the teen, you might have to employ the nondescript version of the same thing— here, look, I just made this snack! Let's say a little prayer of thanks before we eat. Oh, and is there anything else we should pray for while we're at it? Even grown-ups have a hard time disclosing what they need in prayer. Many simply do not believe in its power; still others are longing to believe in prayer's efficacy. And many shy folks would never dare bother you with the so-called small details of their own lives given the cataclysmic needs for world peace, disaster relief, and the tragic immensities of human suffering around the globe. It is as if God's to-do list was too big to include all of us. How often we need the reminder that our Big God loves us individually, with an intimacy that knows even the hairs of our heads are numbered. (See Mt. 10:30; Lk. 12: 17.) As I learned from my years of experiencing holy, prayerful friendships, sometimes we all just need a God with skin on. An intercessor need not be nosy or a busybody. Offering such a question can fit into the friendly context of daily banter: I'm going to church later, (or Bible study, or adoration,) and I'd be happy to offer up a prayer for you... Of course we can always offer prayers on another's behalf anonymously. I do that every time I pass a car accident or hear tragic news in the media. Still, I try to lovingly ask directly for petitions when I can. I've yet to hear anyone decline, or become insulted by the question. It's like when the doctor asks, "Tell me where it hurts?" All the patient has to do is point to the boo-boo. Intercession is like that; people don't have to give a lot of elaboration, they just need to point and say, "this..." "He's sick and waiting on the lab reports..." "I need a job..." "She's cutting..." "He got arrested..." "I'm getting a divorce..." "We lost the baby..." "I might have failed my class..." "My father is dying..." "My son is in the military..." "I hate my coach..." The interior logic of intercession leads to love. For some people, that might be an unintended consequence, but the law of love is always within the will of God. So, this is only advice I can give: When you choose to actively pray for someone, prepare yourself to love him or her. If you already love someone, prepare to love them even more. And if you pray for someone that you do not love or like—be it a difficult boss, an annoying relative, or someone who has trespassed against you—prepare to see signs of love or peace breaking through, even when you'd rather resist. You might not see changes in that person or their circumstances, but you will soon find that you cannot pray for someone in a detached way. It will move your heart in ways that might be surprising and sympathetic, especially if it leads to forgiveness, or freedom, or healing. I think that is exactly why Jesus asked his followers to love our enemies and to pray for those who persecute us. (See Mt. 5:44.) He knew that intercession builds bridges between the painful stuff of earth and the mighty throne of heaven. Intercession works reflexively to benefit both parties, building a spiritual connection, a relationship woven invisibly by the Spirit. Intercessory prayer, the practice of standing in the gap between what is seen by our earthly clay and unseen behind heaven's veil—be it for a few minutes, hours, or even years—is a sublime gift weightier than worldly measures. It is an entering into God's economy and surrendering to his channels of grace. The fervent prayer of a righteous person is very powerful. (Jas. 5:16) St. Monica, the famous mother of Augustine, spent years of maternal intercession petitioning God on behalf of her wayward son. Augustine went on to become a great teacher, writer, bishop, Doctor of the Church, and one of the greatest minds of Western civilization. His saintly transformation is credited in part to his mother's fervent prayers. Of course, there have been thousands of less-famous and hidden cloistered women and men who have populated religious orders such as the Poor Clares, the Carthusians, or the Trappists, to name a few. They give their whole lives to prayer for the sake of the world beyond the monastery wall. We may never know what evils or disasters may have been averted thanks to the round-the-clock prayers that wrap the Earth. With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit. To that end, be watchful with all perseverance and supplication for all the holy ones... (Eph. 6:18) Everywhere at every moment, the Eucharist is being offered at Mass somewhere in the world, 24/7/365. Be mindful of that powerful reality. Join your prayers to it. The Sacrifice of Jesus' Passion and Death, and his Glorious Resurrection, re-presented at Mass, are the reasons we can trust our prayers are heard. Prayers of petition signify hope in Christ. Jesus is the first, the best, and the truest intercessor. We lift prayers in imitation of him; in prayer we are joined to him, the holiest of friends and benefactors. The prayer of Jesus makes Christian prayer an efficacious petition. He is its model, he prays in us and with us.... the heart of the Son seeks only what pleases the Father... Jesus also prays for us—in our place and on our behalf. All our petitions were gathered up, once for all, in his cry on the Cross and, in his Resurrection, heard by the Father. This is why he never ceases to intercede for us with the Father. If our prayer is resolutely united with that of Jesus, in trust and boldness as children, we obtain all that we ask in his name, even more than any particular thing: the Holy Spirit himself, who contains all gifts. (Catechism of the Catholic Church, par 2740-2741 ) I've come to the conclusion that there is always a reason to be on one's knees. Intercession, praying intentionally for others, is a holy work. And outside of Mass, it is often a private one. Yet, no prayer is ever wasted, no matter how small. You may never see a return on your investment, or its outcome. That's okay. Jesus prays through you and with you. Cast all your worries upon him because he cares for you. (1 Pet. 5:7) Here are four steps for becoming a stronger intercessor: Ask, listen, pray, and, if possible, follow-up. Ask. Be gentle and compassionate when you ask what you can pray for. There are so many moments when this might be appropriate—at the close of a phone call, ending an email, driving someone to school, taking a quiet coffee break with a co-worker, greeting your priest after Mass, when someone is sick, or at a wake, when you talk to your friends, or when doing something new. Don't forget the obvious opportunities: the breakfast or dinner table, putting children to bed, or when you are checking in with your spouse as you go through your days. Listen. Make sure you actually pay attention to what people say. Listen, and then make a commitment to pray. Often I make a note in my prayer journal, where I can recall it easily. Pray. This is the most important step. Now you have made a commitment to pray. Do it. I often pray a rosary for the prayer requests I have received. You might prefer other prayer forms, or making a sacrificial offering like a short fast from food or certain pleasures. Intercede during the petitions within the Liturgy of the Hours, or Mass. Offer your holy communion for someone. There is no right time or way to pray an intercessory prayer, just that you do it, and leave the results to God's will. Follow up. Once someone discloses a need to you, even if it was an unnamed "special intention," make an effort to ask about it in a future conversation. It allows you to extend your care to the person whose prayer you have carried. There will be times when this is impossible, but your prayerful vigilance still counts. Nobody ever asked me to pray for something superfluous. If it means something to them, it means something to God. Responding to a humble request is a privilege, always worthy of our own humble time and effort. Let us pray for one another, shall we?

What Would You Like Me to Pray For?