Amish Men Saved from Burning in Hell










Though they look like they were all arrested for Crimes Against Hair, the men pictured above accompanied this story — Police Arrest Amish Men In Kentucky Who Refused To Put Safety Signs On Buggies  — in HuffPo’s Religion section on Friday.

The conflict is that the law requires slow-moving vehicles such as horse-drawn buggies to sport a blaze orange triangle at the rear. As Amish beliefs apparently forbid the wearing of bright colors, the men sought to substitute reflective tape.

Nine men were arrested, eight of them began serving jail sentences ranging from 3 to 10 days after refusing to pay a fine for the misdemeanor refusal to use the orange triangle.

The kicker for me was this detail from the story:

As a courtesy, they were provided with dark uniforms instead of the usual bright orange garb worn by inmates.

Ha! The benevolent and enlightened Mayberry Mayfield, Kentucky, police department really looks out for the souls of its Amish residents.

The Book of Good Living: How to Avoid Being Killed By A Train
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Wait … What? —Take 2
  • Dorothy

    And if you really look at those faces, you will realize that every dang one of them is “Bearing Witness”.

  • kennypo65

    “Crimes against hair” is the funniest thing I’ve heard all day, thanks Hank.

    I live in Pennsylvania, and we have our fair share of Amish here. They all have those little triangles on the backs of their buggies and don’t put up a stink about it. I wonder why these guys did.

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  • Aquaria

    Notice how the younger men have “flip” do’s while the older men don’t. I wonder if that’s the going trend in Amish circles.


    So they use the modern roads with bright yellow stripes on them to get around, but they don’t want to put up a sign because it’s “brightly colored”?

    Makes perfect sense!

  • Glen Davidson

    As a courtesy, they were provided with dark uniforms instead of the usual bright orange garb worn by inmates.

    Can’t detract from those strikingly handsome beards, you know.

    I’m glad someone’s standing up against orange. It simply has got to go.

    Glen Davidson

  • True_Bob

    It’s not “styling” – they all have hat hair.

  • NonyNony

    @2 -

    Amish communities are not all the same. Different communities come to different conclusions about interacting with the changing modern world. Some communities decided that orange reflectors are no big deal since it’s a safety requirement not something that the individual is doing to promote himself. Others have decided differently.

    I know there are plenty of Amish communities in the midwest where cell phone use is allowed for business purposes – no land lines, just cell phones. Others adhere to a strict no phones policy. And I know that there is at least one community in northern Indiana that has decided that electricity is fine so long as you’re generating it yourself (solar or wind power) rather than tapping into the grid. (The fact that a prominent family in the community owns and operates a contracting business that installs solar panels and wind turbines is probably not coincidental on these kinds of decisions).

  • frustum

    It is interesting — the average height of these men is far lower than the general population, I’d say. 5’9″, 5’6″, 5’8″, 5’3″, 5’3″, 5’8″, 5’5″, 5’8″ by my estimation. Maybe they are not standing completely erect, but I still have the impression these men are short.

    Is this a characteristic of Amish men? Diet? Genes? Or is it related to their radical lawlessness?

  • EvoMonkey

    These men may belong to the Swartzentruber sect of the Amish, but I thought they only lived in Ohio. They refuse to put the orange reflective triangles on their buggies. They are the “holier-than-thou” extreme fundamentalists of the Amish. These guys consider the Old Order Amish too liberal. They don’t have indoor plumbing and their farms look rather ramshackle. Paving driveways, painting houses, bright clothing and stylish haircuts are signs of pride – they are of the devil. I know that they object to buying any type of insurance – for similar reasons, they probably think any type of safety equipment subvert’s God’s will.

  • EvoMonkey


    Founder effect – some Amish communities have a very restricted gene pool. The Amish have a higher incidence of some forms of dwarfism and maple syrup urine disease.

    • Ohnhai

      I just had to google “Maple Syrup Urine Disease”, cause it does sound like a ‘fake’ disease…

      But no, It’s real… And has non-trivial complications like “death”

  • Skepgineer, rusty knife of a thousand porcupines

    Couldn’t help noticing that every single one of them is between 5’3″ and 5’9″. That is quite a bit shorter than you would expect for a random sample of white men from the US. It’s also significantly below the averages for France, Germany, and Switzerland, where the founders originally came from. Do the Amish have some kind of nutritional deficiency relative to the rest of the US, or is it genetic?

    • AJS

      Um ….. How tall is any of that in the old money?

      I’d say 175 is about average height for a man.

  • Monado

    The flipped hair is only a sign of a mild curl in the hair shaft.

    HOWEVER, it looks as if all of them shave the top curve of their beard and their natural moustaches. VANITY!

  • Monado

    The Amish try to marry in their sect so they tend to be inbred. Shortness is dominant over tallness. They have higher rates of mental retardation. To combat the problem, delegations from one community visit others, looking for mates.

  • Hexahelicene

    Guess eye glasses are not forbidden. Certainly more modern technology there than they one might think they want. OH … the practical can trump scripture at times.

    I hope the dark colours are in fabric of mixed fibre … or is that a line the that book they ignore?

  • Aquaria

    The flipped hair is only a sign of a mild curl in the hair shaft.

    You’re not really going to go there with women around, are you?

    I have super-wavy hair, and I can’t get my hair to do that.

    Women in the 60s, the most popular era for the flip hairdo, didn’t have their hair do that without using rollers, gel and/or hair spray, no matter what the length.

    It takes styling to get your hair to do that.

    Vanity of vanities; all is vanity.

    • tardis_blue

      You have SUPER wavy hair. They have SLIGHTLY wavy hair. I also have slightly wavy hair, and it requires super-human effort to get my hair NOT to flip up like that. It pisses me off on a daily basis! Plus, I think the pp who mentioned hat-hair had a good point.

      • David Hart

        Yeah, I have slightly wavy hair, and when I was at school (i.e. before I was allowed to grow it long, though I pushed the limit of how long I was allowed to have it) I got that same flip effect. On the plus side, I also remember being able to get a neat middle parting just by standing under the shower, tilting my head right back and rolling it slowly forward. Can’t do that any more.

        • ‘Tis Himself, OM

          I can part my hair under the shower. Of course, the part is about four inches wide and attributable to male pattern baldness. But it’s a part right in the middle of my head.

  • Occam’s Blunt Instrument

    So some horse is dumbly doing its job thinking its overlord is happy, pulling its cart (as it thinks it has been asked to) along some road when >>>WHAM<<< it's rear-ended by another car, flipped sideways and mangled in a ditch. Screaming in horrible pain it hopes for something to stop the agony. Death might be better.

    But some fucking idiot's religion considers safety signs to be "vanity" and chooses not to use them.

  • abusedbypenguins

    The average muslim seems to have very thin skin to anything critical of religion, so it’s a good thing that amish have very thick skins. 2 armor covered horses pulling an armored buggy bristling with rocket launchers. Will they buy M-16′s or AK-47′s? With very thin skins, exceptions to any rule can be changed. When islam achives world domination, will the faithful give up technology to complete their return to the 7th century? Don’t hold your breath.

  • Kausik Datta

    But… But… they have been [Shudder!] photographed!! Surely, their immmortal soul has now been stolen?

  • Otokogoroshi

    Actually the primary reason they didn’t want to use the triangle is because they felt it too closely represented the holy trinity. Oh. Also its brightly colored. So… basically two completely stupid reasons.

    It’s a law in the state that all slow moving vehicles have the bright orange reflective triangle. The reason its bright orange is because its the most reflective color and most easily visible in all different lights. The triangle shape has to do with the fact that the triangle on the roads in the good old US of A means ‘caution’.

    Basically they want to be exempt because they’re special. I say screw ‘em.

  • Mattir

    Last year I was knitting some blaze orange caps for various hunting friends. Blaze is a shade of orange so ugly that I will only wear it to shout “DO NOT SHOOT ME” without scaring the critters. But when various professional K-Street type Washingtonian acquaintances saw the color, they assured me it was Tres Chic™. I suppose trying not to get shot is an important part of being a lobbyist or politician. Or they’re all colorblind. Or have dubious taste in colors.

    These Amish fashionistos were just trying to avoid being mistaken for those wicked inside-the-Beltway types.

  • Mike de Fleuriot

    I look at these guys and think you stupid dumb pucks, there is no way your gods will replace all that you missed at this table of life. That is even if they cared, enough to make a heaven for you.

    Does anyone know if the group is dying out due to “inbreeding” or are they gaining converts?

  • Melody

    Someone needs to photoshop you into one of those blocks.

  • Dan L.

    Probably worth mentioning that these particular individuals are part of this sect of Amish:

    There are many other sects of Amish, most of which don’t seem to have a problem putting the orange safety triangles on their buggies.

    But yes, they supposedly cut off the corners to make them six-sided to avoid the oblique reference to the trinity.


    It takes styling to get your hair to do that.

    As long as you don’t actually want your hair to do that, all it takes is a hat.

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