The Bite of the Camel 2

Oh, god.

I’ve challenged Camels With Hammers to a duel.

The weapon: Philosophy.

The place: The Field of Free Will.

The time: Now.


With the slap of my challenge glove still stinging on his face, lightning-quick Daniel Fincke whipped out his rapier and carved a 2,600-word attack onto my chest! The agony!

The worst of it is, I never completed my training in Philosophy. I was first in my class in Bookish Nerd. Achieved gold-star speckled certificates of merit in Internet Addiction. Gained royal notice in my teen years and achieved a widely-lauded Knighthood in Masturbation Fantasy. Won a Gold Medal in the 2010 Atheist Olympics.

But Philosophy? I’m a complete amateur. And I’m facing a Jedi Master.

Just in his first attack, he has overcome my guardian droids, escaped the Mighty Sarlacc, and freed the princess.

I stand alone now, barely armed, quivering under his proudly lifted chin, the confident glow of his Philosopher-Academic aura, the earnest intent of his poised verbal blade.

Now what? I can’t run. Can’t fight him on his own ground. Sweet Baby Jesus, if only I’d kept my big mouth shut.

But wait! I’m suddenly remembering something my former Master — Gary Leffew, 1970 World Champion Bull Rider — taught me:

“If You Can’t Dazzle ‘Em With Brilliance … Baffle ‘Em With Bullshit!”

Ha! This I can do.

“Hold, Mighty Sir Daniel! I beg a brief delay, whilst I mop up the blood, and fetch my shovel.”

— To Be Continued —




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