You’re All Going to Die and Burn In Hell. Again.

Woe, I say woe unto you, heathen masses! Your time has, I say your time has come!

Deferred Doomsday Due Friday — Or Not

On May 22, an obviously shocked [Harold] Camping emerged from his home to say he was “flabbergasted” that the Rapture stood him up. But then, a couple of days later, like all good doomsday prophets, he had an answer: May 21 was just the beginning; the Rapture would take a lot longer; the real Rapture will happen five months later on Oct. 21.

“What really happened this past May 21st?” Camping asks on his Family Radio website. “What really happened is that God accomplished exactly what He wanted to happen. That was to warn the whole world that on May 21 God’s salvation program would be finished on that day.”

Basically, “Applications for Salvation” closed on May 21. You see, even the Office of God has red tape.


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  • The Lorax

    Oh sweet, I had forgotten all about this.

    Two more days until we get to celebrate Doomsday again, everybody! Woooooo!!!!

  • Rawnaeris

    Dammit. I can’t throw a party this weekend. Think he would postpone it until next Saturday? That would be a lot more convenient.

  • michaelswanson

    I hate my job, but hate job hunting even more. Good to know I won’t have to worry about either once I drop into the bowels of eternal fire on Saturday night. And I deserve it, too. Sure, I’m kind, generous, fair and peaceful, but I haven’t told a ****ing make-believe zombie that he’s my king, I haven’t made any effort at all to stop the gays, the world looks very, very old to me, and I’ve completely failed to understand that the natural, intimate bond of human sexuality is, in fact, the worst thing in the world.

    So I’m a terrible person, apparently. Thank god I can finally be stopped when the universe blows up this weekend.

  • grumpyoldfart

    Have we heard anything from the Camping followers who invested all their money into the end of the world enterprise? I’d love to know if any of them now realise how gullible they were – or if they are still determined to be Christians no matter what.

  • Jason Thibeault

    Oh hell (literally), it’s that time already? I thought I set an alarm on my Google Calendar.

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