Warning!! Vicious Hate Crimes Described Herein!!

You may be shocked by the following account of dastardly hate crimes.

You may be horrified.

You may cry aloud “Merciful heavens! Is there no limit to the unmitigated perfidy!”

Sweet Jesus give me strength, I can barely recount these abhorrent acts. Brace yourself for a disgustingly graphic description of assaults sure to leave even strong men prostrate, tearing their hair in horror at the wanton, inhuman nature of the merciless transgressions.

I only dare do this after the fold, so that squeamish readers can be forewarned and hie themselves off to less intense news elsewhere.

Seven Amish Men Charged with Hate Crimes for Beard Cutting

The men [...] forcibly restrained multiple Amish men and cut their beards and hair with scissors and battery powered clippers …

Yeah.

I just love the story for so many reasons. The main culprit of the tale is named Mullet, which tickles my sense of humor at its East Texas roots. The fact that there are multiple Mullets — Samuel Mullet, Johnny Mullet, Lester Mullet, Daniel Mullet — only makes the image sweeter.

Mullet, accompanied by his sons, sons-in-law, and nephews, hired a driver to take them and their horse-drawn buggy to the home of one of the bishops that ruled against him. They knocked on the door and told the man they wished to speak with him, according to the complaint, and then assaulted the man and his son, known as Victims 1 and 2. They then pulled and cut their beard hair. They took pictures of the results and took the pictures with them, the document says.

Juxtapose the described crime against, oh, real-world images of murder or women drowning their kids in the bathtub, and it just seems so strangely genteel. If this is what the Amish do when they rise to HATE CRIMES, I’d love to have them as neighbors.

Any atheist worth his salt would have to point out the comically religious element of the thing, and I do. But I still have a hard time seeing the whole thing as serious enough to warrant federal prosecution. There’s something, I don’t know, frivolous, in seeing these men in federal court. To me — bearded to the death! — the whole thing still smacks of streakers, or 50s-era campus panty raids.

Am I wrong?

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  • Didaktylos

    Q: Whats this: “Clip-clop Clip-Clop Clip-Clop Clip-Clop Bang! Clip-Clop Clip-Clop”?

    A: An Amish Drive-by

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com WMDKitty

      Beat me to it. Damn!

    • had3

      Isn’t it: clip clop clip clop – snip – clip clop clip clop?

  • JoeKaistoe

    I would say it warrants criminal prosecution, as regardless of the hilarity of the situation, assault is still assault. Hate crime? Sounds a little overboard.

    On a much more “serious” note, it sounds to me like the Mullets might get kicked out of Amish-hood. How dare they use BATTERY POWERED CLIPPERS!!!!

  • Eleanor

    Cutting people’s hair off has been a common way to humiliate people in the past; the forcible cutting of women accused of collaborating with the enemy in immediate post war France springs to mind. I always thought of it as an unfunny, rather brutal assertion of dominance. If a group of men held me down and shaved my head I’d be terrified.

    • happiestsadist

      Actually, yeah. I’m totally with you on this. My hair tend to be trimmed with clippers, and maybe I thought of shaving my head this morning on a whim, but the idea of having something like that forcibly done is horrifying.

      it was also a popular punishment for women deemed sexually deviant, whether promiscuity or otherwise.

  • davidct

    Yes there are much worse ways to be assaulted, but it is still an assault. It has caused the victims to feel humiliated and that is not really a trivial thing. Sorry I am not laughing.

  • Tyler

    Forced haircutting is a way of telling the victim- and everyone else in the community- that their appearance, how others will perceive them, is not in their control. Nothing is more psychologically damaging than that.

  • Randomfactor

    Yeah, you’re wrong. In addition, it’s since come out that the attacks on others were only the outward signs of the standard religious cult abuses going on behind closed doors.

  • Christine

    I strongly disagree that this is humorous or trivial. No physical assault is ever funny, least of all one intended to humiliate the victim.

  • barbrykost

    Yes, it is serious, and yes it is an assault.
    It is also funny–Mullet?
    We can laugh and commiserate at the same time, can’t we?
    After all, you can be sure none of the victims are reading this blog.

  • AlanMacandCheese

    Ok, a drive-by shunning I’d understand , but this…the horror, the horror!

  • Emrysmyrddin

    Actually, this is but a few assaults in a seemingly long-running feud in this particular Amish community. The perpetrators are on the ‘side’ of the patriarch of their cult, who is accused of sexually assaulting women of the group (‘to drive out the devil’, however that works) and ordering beatings of the men who speak out against these sexual crimes. It’s part of a mafia-style shutting-up of people who are trying to press criminal charges.

    • happiestsadist

      Seriously, this.There’s an awful lot of violence (especially rape of women and kids) in the Amish community, and though this is a weird manifestation of it, it’s pretty horrifying.

  • Buford

    Yes, it’s assault.
    Yes, it should be prosecuted.
    Yes, its got a funny side to it.

    Now, following this line of reasoning, giving a Mormon a wedgie is a hate crime.

  • http://resistingthemilieu.wordpress.com ben

    Actually, repression within Amish communities toward dissenters is a big problem, and I’d bet there is more to this than most peeps think. It’s pretty messed up to do a home invasion and hold someone to the ground, terrorizing and assaulting them in front of family.

  • http://criticallyskeptic-dckitty.blogspot.com Katherine Lorraine, Chaton de la Mort

    As others said, this is indeed a hateful assault and should be prosecuted… and it’s funny at the same time. I’m not laughing cause the men were assaulted and that’s a crime.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    That all sounds so genteel – but according to some articles, Mullet was a typical sex cult leader:
    Amish leader took married women home to ‘cleanse them of the devil’

  • rapiddominance

    This post sounds like that shit I read on the Breitbart sites–where, for political reasons, they do things like make fun of spotty instances of sexual abuse or physical harrassment within the Occupy rallies.

    About the only thing good that comes out of such posts are the “windows of hope” as I call them: where I see concern for other humans transcending political and worldview commitments. Its strange how on the one hand I find the post a LITTLE BIT disturbing; yet, on the other hand, it was a table set for a feast!

    @Eleanor; @davidct; @Tyler; @Christine; comments such as the ones you made are of the very things that helped me dispose of my delusions and become a free thinker. Thank you.

  • Chris Lundy

    Weirdly amusing, but don’t laugh. Scissors to the beard…scissors to the heart…though only if the genteel trim doesn’t produce desired results.

  • docslacker

    And another thing, this has been going on for a while, but no Amish went to the police for a long time, with their oh so sweet concept of turn the other cheek. So this abusive bastard has been allowed to terrorise people with impunity.

  • Ender

    Amish men grow their beards out as a sign that they are married, as wedding rings would be too vain and worldly. There is some cultural significance here as well…

    Also, Amish rarely go to the police to solve their problems, which is why sexual abuse is rampant in their communities (and in conservative mennonite communities). Here is a particularly horrifying example – http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,2087711,00.html

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