Don’t Touch That Cucumber, Harlot

Remember when you were in junior high, and there was that totally clueless guy who occasionally spouted things that were so embarrassing everybody turned away in disgust?

His name was Mike, as I recall.

Well, Mike is now a Muslim cleric, and he’s in the news for his latest embarrassing pronouncement.

An Islamic cleric residing in Europe said that women should not be close to bananas or cucumbers, in order to avoid any “sexual thoughts.”

The unnamed sheikh, who was featured in an article on el-Senousa news, was quoted saying that if women wish to eat these food items, a third party, preferably a male related to them such as their a father or husband, should cut the items into small pieces and serve.


Mike, I just don’t know. That you’d advise people to cut penis-shaped objects into small pieces, and then serve them to WOMEN. Well, you know, speaking as a guy (ouch!), and also somebody who respects women …

That’s just sick, isn’t it?

  • peicurmudgeon

    Or in his case a string bean……

  • docsarvis

    And do not ever let a woman drink out of a bottle.

  • Thorne

    The answer is simple, really. Just let them drive, and you don’t have to worry about it any more.

  • Didaktylos

    What they’re really afraid of is that if women are allowed to cut up an object that looks like a penis, they might get ideas (anybody remember John Wayne Bobbitt?).

    • geocatherder

      That’s the money quote.

  • DontBeBrainwashed

    As Editor of, I am disappointed that I did not catch and hold this piece. The “Islamic cleric bans women from touching cucumbers, bananas for sexual resemblance,” article should not have run when it did. Arguably, it should not have been run at all. We should not have published about an “unnamed sheikh” in an unnamed European country unless we were able to garner more information on the issue, both on the sheikh himself and the news website the information was gathered from, independently.

    We realize that as a growing news organization with a growing reputation and readership, we have an increased responsibility to not only verify our own material at the highest levels, but further investigate the quotes and articles of other news organizations before referencing their work.

    This is our error. We apologize for the poor judgment on the matter. It is inexcusable. While the exact quote reported by may well have been exactly what it was reported to be by that website, without a name and location behind this person and comment, it is difficult to find the information credible.

    We recognize our pitfalls and their repercussions. The fact that this story was quoted by a large number of news organizations across the globe shows that our error in judgment can have serious, detrimental effects. For this, we would like to apologize to our readers for the inadequate editorial judgment I, as Editor and Founder, made in this instance.

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