Help Me Pharyngulate (wait, can I say that?) This Poll

The Christian Coalition of America is

… conducting a nationwide survey of America’s politically active Christians so we can show the politicians and the media exactly where we stand on critical issues.

[ In case you have trouble connecting, the URL is ]

[ Also, see Afternote 2/Warning at the end of this post. ]

And they want to make sure your voice is included.

I say we pitch in. After all, it doesn’t say only Christians, and nobody else.

And it’s not like the questions are politically loaded or anything. They’re all open, honest, think-your-own-well-informed-thoughts-and-answer-according-to-your-independent-conscience questions. No, really.


Do you support the repeal of Obamacare?

That’s the first question.

Not “Do you support repeal of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act of 2010?” or “Do you support repeal of the Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act of 2010?”

Or even “Do you have any fucking idea — I mean, even something you read off the wall of a public restroom — of what the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act of 2010 provides?”

No, “Obamacare.”

But also:

Do you support a ban on embryonic stem cell research, (which destroys a human embryo)?

(… but could possibly cure diabetes, reverse Alzheimer’s, and relieve pain and disability for millions of future beneficiaries?)

Do you support elimination of all public funding of abortions, (such as through government health benefits)?

(Yes, because a baby is the best punishment for those fornicating whores who have the unmitigated gall to have sex outside the official permission of marriage.)

Do you support a constitutional amendment to define marriage as the union of one man and one woman?

(Dude, yeah! Because then what about polygamy? Or, like, you know, marrying cows!)

Do you think homosexual couples should be legally allowed to adopt children?

(Oh, Jesus, Millicent, they will turn them all into lesbians like that Ellen Degenerate, and pretty soon we’ll all be covered in Santorum!”

Illegal aliens, activist judges, yada, yada.

This one threw me:

Do you agree that we have a Biblical mandate to care for God’s creation and to protect our children’s future by curbing pollution that may be altering our climate?:

Because, yeah, I agree that we should curb climate-altering pollution, but if I answered Yes, the “Biblical mandate” part of it would make me feel dirty.   It would be like buying a balloon animal in the city park from a sticky-handed pedophile.


Afternote: I’ve had some problems getting back onto the site. I thought they might have some sort of smart anti-atheist block in place, but maybe it’s just that their servers are getting slammed. An alternate gateway onto the survey is via their Facebook page:

Afternote 2/Warning: billsheehan points out in comments that this isn’t a real poll/survey, it’s a way of harvesting email addresses. Given that the results aren’t shown — they SAY they’ll release the results, but there’s no indication of where or when — he’s probably right.

Beta Culture: Being Grownups on Planet Earth
Catholic Church Flexing Muscle in U.S. Hospitals
Zoning Out on Liberal vs. Conservative Issues
The Book of Good Living: How to Avoid Being Killed By A Train
  • Otrame

    Tried various ways, but couldn’t get there. I’ll try again later.

  • Otrame

    Okay, got in that time. Actually agreed with the answers they were pushing on most of the environmental stuff. You will have to give them an email address, but I just tossed them my “throw away” address, the one I never look at, made for just this situation.

  • Randomfactor

    Finally got in, gave ‘em my real e-mail address. They get worse if you don’t keep an eye on ‘em.

  • nankay

    Done. Whew. That was fun. I wish I could see the results, though.

  • billsheehan

    Last time I pharyngulated one of these that asked for my email address, I ended up on Eugene Delgaudio’s mailing list, who sends me “Please help me stand firm against the stiff front erected by the homosexual conspiracy!” emails. The repulsive Mr. Delgaudio passed on my address to Ron Paul who sends me “Dear fellow conservative” letters.

    This isn’t a survey, and your answers don’t count for anything. It’s just a way to collect email addresses.

    • Hank Fox

      Billsheehan: This isn’t a survey, and your answers don’t count for anything. It’s just a way to collect email addresses.

      Bill, I think you may be right about that. I’ve added a warning.

      • Chakolate

        But it doesn’t matter! I’m on both of those mailing lists, and that suits me just fine. As they say, keep your friends close but your enemies closer.

        Delgaudio seems to be just a blowhard using anti-gay conspiracy theories to get money out of people. But it’s best to keep an eye on everything, you know?

  • Yellow Thursday

    Meh. I had to answer some of the questions “undecided” because I either agreed with part of the question but not the rest or my answer was “that depends…”

  • baal

    Do you agree or disagree that that pollution from burning oil and coal can help cause climate change?:

    The seem to be pushing pro-environment but using the phrase ,”help cause climate change” is confusing.

    The other really weak question was on federal tax – here are three choices which cover a part of the range of options. It’s missing increasing taxes to say Clinton or Regan levels where the economy was doing better.

  • Timid Atheist

    “Do you agree that we have a Biblical mandate to care for God’s creation and to protect our children’s future by curbing pollution that may be altering our climate?”

    I said no to this one because I don’t believe there’s a biblical mandate. So sad when you have to say no to something you agree with in principal because of how they word the question.

    I’m curious to see the results. I wonder how many actual theists would take that survey and answer like a skeptic.

  • ottomaniac

    You know, married women get abortions, too. Really, all women are fornicating whores who should be punished with children. It’s Eve’s fault. Obviously.

    • guest

      thanks a lot women look at what you’ve done. youre not treasure, youre just as evil and demented as the whole human race.

  • geocatherder

    Pharyngulation done. Gave ‘em one of my gmail addresses; with any luck the gmail server will consign them to the spam bin. (Lovely, lovely spam filters on gmail.)

    I agreed with the notion that we have a Biblical mandate not to trash the place. So what if the mandate isn’t binding? It’s still a good idea not to trash the place, including making it too warm for our species to survive in the numbers we have. But I’m sure, when all of, say, Bangladesh is a diving destination instead of a country, many so-called Christians in the U.S. won’t give a fat rat’s patootie.

  • Ferrous Patella

    This survey looks like a push-poll/e-addy harvester

  • Brian Whittle

    If the survey does not give them the results they want all they will say is it was hijacked by the atheists/socialists/liberals/commies

  • carlie

    Gosh, those were terrible. The three options on what kind of tax system you favor: flat tax, sales tax to replace all income tax, keep current system. Um, none of the above?

  • gwen

    yeah, I felt dirty answering some of the questions. I’m going to take a hot shower now….

  • Woof

    My apologies to whoever owns

  • The Rock


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