The Last, Very Last, End of the World. Ever. No, Really. This One. Srsly.

Oh, crap. I still had so much to do. But now Jesus is coming on May 27.

Ronald Weinland is “God’s Final Witness,” the one man, out of 7 billion of us, who knows that the 7th Seal was opened on Nov 14th, 2008 and that Jesus is to Return May 27th, 2012.

The year 2008 marked the last of God’s warnings to mankind and the beginning in a countdown of the final three and one-half years of man’s self-rule that will end by May 27, 2012.

Eh. I’ll believe it when I see it. Jesus is like your flakey friend who always SAYS he’s going to come over to hang out, but who never actually shows up.

  • timgueguen

    Seems pretty obvious that God and Jesus are continually pulling pranks on their supposed followers. Each year they pick several idiots to present a new doomsday date, and then gleefully wait to see whether anyone else will fall for it and run around like a chicken with its head cut off.

  • Jeffrey Soreff

    Some people believe that on 03:14:07 UTC on Tuesday, 19 January 2038
    32 bit time_t will roll over and play dead…

    • Ryan

      I’m so sick of the world ending. It’s been happening far too often in recent years.

      • Aaron

        Recent years? The end of the world has been “predicted” since at least 2800BC and there are predictions already for going into 2040 (Google “A Brief History of the Apocalypse” for a website that lists a number of these predictions). It seems to be part of typical theistic thoughts to presume that everything is specially for us, and by extension, that it must therefore be the “end times”. After all, how can everything be specially for me if the world will continue on for thousands or millions of years into the future without me?

        • puckmalamud

          That’s recent on a cosmic scale. :D

        • Teresa voorhies

          Read Daniell Chapter 9 and Daniel ch 12 When it says 70weeks that means 70 years and 7 weeks is 7 years. and the rebirth of Israel is 1948. This is Daniel timeline that God has given him to tell the people for the Endtime. I believe now it will be 63 Years the end of this Year. Also Check out Irvin Baxter He is real he studys upon Endtime. And a man of God. He does tell the truth and does not give a date like some of this funny people do. I urge you to check it out and tell others about it, I have been following his teaching about 5 years.

          Thanks Teresa

  • rickmoulton

    The book was published in late 2006, as described by the copyright year and a paragraph on the last page.
    It also says the decline of the United States would start in 2008; he almost got that right.
    When I was in the military in the 80′s, our nuclear fallout kit included a beer cooler and lawn chairs to enjoy the fireworks. Kinda wish I still had them…

  • ‘Tis Himself, OM.

    Could we postpone the end of the world until May 28th? The 27th is my mother’s birthday and the whole family is getting together to celebrate it.

  • Mike DDTFA

    Actually, Weinland’s May 27 date starts the evening before at sundown as per the Jewish calendar. And that’s sundown in the holy city of Jerusalem and the moment that Christ is to return. Which will be mid-day on the 26th here in the U.S.

    So sorry, no birthday for your mother. Unless Weinland is convicted in the upcoming criminal trial for tax evasion scheduled to start on March 20. If convicted, Jesus will have to put his return on hold until Weinland gets out of jail.

  • ritapita

    Looks like I’m going to get stood-up again. *Sigh*

  • the next doomsday

    I was just writing up an article on Mr. Weinland and his 2008 prophecy. It does seem after a failed prediction that they go into hiding for a while and come out with a new one some time in the future. Harold Camping did the same thing. Im not necessarily a skeptic but I also dont believe everything either. I just take it for what it is and see what happens when the time comes (usually nothing). The artcile should be posted tomorrow 1/10/2012 unless the world doesn’t end between now and them! DOH

  • MarkNS

    “Jesus is like your flakey friend who always SAYS he’s going to come over to hang out, but who never actually shows up.” is now my Facebook status (with a link for attribution, course). Thanks!

  • peicurmudgeon

    And then there’s this guy. He thinks we’ve got another 500 million to 1 billion years left.

    What bible did he read to get that exact date?

  • geocatherder

    I’m sooo tired of the “Jesus is Coming xx/yy/zzzz!” reports. There are always at least a few simple people sucked in to these shenanigans, and who sacrifice months or years of their only lives waiting for Christ. I feel so sorry for them.

    And sometimes they suck in the not-so-simple-people, too. I remember back in 1999 having a fellow engineer ask me, quite seriously, if I thought there would be major repercussions in the world from the tickover to 2000. I thought of the letter — published throughout the company — from a customer’s lawyers who basically said, “if you fail to meet any of your commitments because of Year 2000 issues, we will sue your asses off”. I thought of all those lawyers out there, sending such letters to every goods supplier on the planet, and I KNEW there would be no major problems. Nothing motivates quite like the desire to avoid a lawsuit.

    Now if we could direct that level of legal ire toward the “Christ is Coming” perpetrators…

  • dust

    Just the other day I was trying out a new route for errands and came across a billboard form last year’s “Repent!! End of the World!! Oh Noes Jesus is Coming You Evil Sinners!! ect ect” non-event. I laffed and laffed!

  • WMDKitty

    *sigh* Another apocalypse? That’s, like, the third one this year!

  • peicurmudgeon

    Perhaps the predictions are accurate and Buffy, Angel, and the rest of the gang are busy saving us and we just don`t see it. They saved the world from ending at least a dozen times.

  • robb

    sorry folks. i opened the seventh seal last november. but don’t worry, i locked the seven angelic trumpeters in my basement. everything is fine now.

  • kennypo65

    Well maybe if they keep making these predictions they’ll one day be right, but I doubt it.

  • WTD

    Matthew 24:36-
    “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”
    Matthew 24:36 says “only the Father knows about that day or hour.” It does NOT say “THE FATHER and RONALD WEINLAND!”

    This joker Weinland would do well to just keep his so-called
    end-of-world predictions to himself.

  • WTD

    Matthew 24:36-
    “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”

    Matthew 24:36 says: “only the Father knows about that day or hour.” It does NOT say “THE FATHER and RONALD WEINLAND!”

    Mr. Weinland would do well to just keep his “so-called”
    end-of-the-world predictions to himself.

    • evodevo

      I’ve never figured out how come the fundies can’t see the inherent contradiction in this passage – if the Father and the Son are One [?!!], how does The Son NOT know? I guess thousands have been massacred over the centuries for asking questions like this. (See the original “real” Christians – Ebionites, Gnostics, Arianism, Mormons, Sabellians, etc. etc. for 2000 years)

      And what is this fixation on MAY? Why is it always May? What’s up with that? Some biblical prejudice against the month or what !

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