Ghost Rider … Um … SUCKED

You have no idea what a fanboy I am when it comes to superhero movies. At 59, I’m often the oldest person in the theater at midnight openers. (Speaking of which, the Spider-Man trailer looks suweeeet! And oh yeah, I’ll be there for the midnight show.)

I went to see the second coming of Ghost Rider last night, on pins and needles and eager for the flaming spectacle.

But … dayyum. Twenty minutes in, I was already thinking about walking out. Departing the theater at the end, I said “That was easily one of the Top Ten worst movies I’ve seen in my entire life.”

It was like the director HATED the story, and did everything he could to fuck it up for the fans. He totally re-imagined the character, even rewriting some of his backstory. The old Adam West Batman series on TV was less campy than this movie, and there were long, LONG moments when I was asking “What the hell are they doing? What’s this supposed to mean? Why’s he doing all that silly stuff with his head??” And the soundtrack was … bad. So bad.

I came out of it surprised they were able to find a few decent bits to stitch together to make the trailer I’d seen.

I like Nicholas Cage, but I was thinking “I wouldn’t be surprised if this finally tanks Cage’s career. In the future, instead of saying someone ‘jumped the shark,’ they’ll say ‘He ghostridered.’ ”

I posted some reactions on Facebook; thought I’d share them with you here:

The new Ghost Rider movie is so bad Satan called a press conference and said “I don’t mind the evil image. Hey, it’s what I do. But this was just embarrassing.”

The new Ghost Rider movie is so bad that just before the credits rolled, the screen flashed the number of the local suicide hotline.

The soundtrack for the new Ghost Rider movie was so loud and so bad it was like being slapped in the face repeatedly by cheap truck stop whores. (Some wag on Facebook replied “Hey, some of us pay good money for that!”)

The new Ghost Rider movie is so bad, a team of Christian time travel researchers rewrote their list of missions, moving “Kidnap Nicholas Cage as a baby to stop him from acting” above “Visit the Holy Land and witness the birth of Our Savior.”

The new Ghost Rider movie is so bad that when it was shown at Guantanamo Bay, human rights organizations begged base officials to switch back to waterboarding.

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About Hank Fox
  • Goodchild

    At least the Avengers is coming soon, and that’s got to be good! Right? I mean, “We have a Hulk” … total superhero awesomeness right there.

    • Andrew

      Having seen the first Ghost Rider movies, this is the reaction I was expecting.I ‘m sure The Avengers will be much, much better.

      • Andrew

        movie*

  • sc_a5c68a34b2f6e431ec3e46c0a6153ea9

    For some reason, I always got the impression that Cage hated the first movie too – he was very insincere in his interviews of it.
    I wasn’t a big fan of that one either.

    Guess I’ll give this one a miss.

    • ‘Tis Himself, OM

      It’s a little surprising to see Ghost Rider get such a shoddy sequel. While the original was not a critical favorite, it had a worldwide gross of more than $225 million on a $110 million budget. The sequel’s budget was a little more than half of the original—five years later. It’s like they set this thing up to fail and it certainly has, at least on a filmmaking level. It looks awful and plays out horribly, like many recent Cage vehicles.

  • davidct

    I wasn’t planning on going but now I am planning on not going.

    • BCat

      So, davidct is now a STRONG ariderist… and on a third party testimonial too! What did Ghost Rider do to you to make you hate him so? (remembers the first GR movie) … never mind.

  • http://peicurmudgeon.wordpress.com/ peicurmudgeon

    Thanks for the heads up. I was considering a trip to the cinema, but was reluctant to shell out the extra 3 bucks for 3D. The first one was just campy fun, and begged for the MST3K treatment. I’ll just wait for the DVD and watch it at home.

  • Captain Mike

    I think I’ll give this one a miss. Ghost Rider’s never been one of my favourite characters.

    When will they make a Ms. Marvel movie? It’s the perfect excuse for a character to give long feminist speeches while wearing a ridiculously sexist outfit. That’s just great movie making.

  • Al Stefanelli

    I am a huge fan of these movies, as well, Hank. But I didn’t even know they were coming out with a remake. Thanks for the tip.

    Oh, and I am IMMENSELY enjoying your book! Words to follow!

  • Bob Jase

    Thanks, my son was trying to talk me out of seeing this but hadn’t convinced me. You have.

    I like Nick Cage but he’s barely more right for the part than I am & I’m about a year younger than you and probably heavier & shorter.

    Ah well, can it really be worse than what the SyFy network did to Man-Thing a few years ago?

  • Zugswang

    He’s been in a lot of, really, just awful movies recently, and I think it has to do with the fact that he’s being less discerning about the movies he stars in, taking any role he can get that pays well, because of his financial problems.

    • F

      He’s been in a lot of, really, just awful movies recently

      Like, since Raising Arizona?

      • Francisco Bacopa

        You are forgetting Adaptation, where Cage played two roles and held his own alongside Meryl Streep and Chris Cooper. Total mind screw of a movie and great performance by Cooper, who got an Oscar.

      • Zugswang

        Eh, a lot of stuff that he was in wasn’t fantastic, but I also wouldn’t say those movies were godawful, either. I think the worst you can say is that he’s been in a lot of films that, prior to, let’s say, “National Treasure”, aren’t terribly memorable or have a very little in the way of replay value.

        Certainly, he hasn’t been in anything that will retain a following like Casablanca, Taxi Driver, or even Ghostbusters (well, you could probably make a case for “Birdy”), but when Con-Air, The Rock, Face/Off, etc. first came out, I enjoyed them for what they were – movies that, while initially entertaining, faded quickly into the background of their respective genres.

  • fastlane

    Some wag on Facebook replied “Hey, some of us pay good money for that!”

    I might have to get on your FB…..

    Sounds like my kinda people. =)

  • ‘Tis Himself, OM

    Hey, Johnny Blaze pissed flame! In 3D no less.