Hey, It’s An Imperfect World (Sorry, L.Ron)

I’m a long way from the planning table here at FtB.

I’m pretty sure Ed Brayton and PZ Myers have a Master Planner’s Lair somewhere, which has a huge hot tub, beer bar and poker table, where the World Domination plans proceed.

Pictured above is the Soundproof Lair for Concealing Maniacal Laughter. I like to think the whole complex is in Scotland somewhere, probably underground, and they get there by Opening a Way into the Never-Never. I suspect Ian Cromwell, Daniel Fincke and certain others get periodic invitations to confer on important points of the Plan, although they may just be there to pick up Ed’s and PZ’s empties.

Anyway, I’m kind of  a tourist here myself, a lot like you, so I can only watch as developments proceed. But I’m fairly tickled at the ads I see on my site today — for four cool secular events. I’m told that all of the ads here will eventually be perfectly targeted toward the needs and interests our particular reader audience, so this is a sign that FtB is growing toward some eventual ideal:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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But then there’s this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can’t advise you what to click on, but certainly anyone who visited that glossy site should also drop in at Wikipedia for a meatier overview of Scientology, the mother ship from which Dianetics now descends:

The Church of Scientology is one of the most controversial new religious movements to have arisen in the 20th century. It has often been described as a cult that financially defrauds and abuses its members, charging exorbitant fees for its spiritual services.The Church of Scientology has consistently used litigation against such critics, and its aggressiveness in pursuing its foes has been condemned as harassment.Further controversy has focused on Scientology’s belief that souls (“thetans”) reincarnate and have lived on other planets before living on Earth,and that some of the related teachings are not revealed to practitioners until they have paid thousands of dollars to the Church of Scientology.

There’s a link to another read-worthy Wikipedia piece on that bastard Galactic Overlord:

Xenu [... ] was, according to the founder of Scientology L. Ron Hubbard, the dictator of the “Galactic Confederacy” who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of his people to Earth in a DC-8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes and killed them using hydrogen bombs. Official Scientology scriptures hold that the essences of these many people remained, and that they form around people in modern times, causing them spiritual harm.

If I ever become Galactic Overlord, I think *I* will take all my human refuse and just drop them into a sun. It saves on hydrogen bombs, fuel cost for the millions of steampunk “DC-8-like” spaceships, and is cleaner in the sense that it leaves no toxic thetans around for a faux-messiah to clean up, 75 million years later.

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About Hank Fox
  • jamessweet

    My favorite is the one for the Christian Prayer Center.

  • http://raisinghellions.wordpress.com/ Lou Doench

    When I was a yungun, back in a distant time called the 80′s, I haunted our little local used bookstore and read just about every sci-fi and fantasy book they had. Heinlein and Herbert were right next to Hubbard and eventually I drifted over to his section and tried to read Battlefield Earth. Let’s just say, it comes as no surprise to me that the Scientology story reads like bad sf… Hubbard was a DREADFUL writer. He didn’t have a clue.

  • Coragyps

    Heh! That ad is on this very page I’m reading, too.

    I take huge comfort whenever Scientology come up in thinking of Frank Zappa’s sendup of it in Joe’s Garage: L. Ron Hoover and the Church of Appliantology, where “sexual gratification is only achieved through the use of machines.”

  • arakasi

    I like to think the whole complex is in Scotland somewhere, probably underground, and they get there by Opening a Way into the Never-Never.

    Was this an intentional Dresden Files reference? They seem to be popping up everywhere these days

    • Hank Fox

      Totally a Dresden Files reference.

  • wilsim

    Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within.

    Watch it. LOL.

    The story is very similar, IMO, to what the world would be like if Scientology were actually true.

  • http://sidhe3141.blogspot.com sidhe3141

    And while we’re on the subject of cults, Ron Paul ads have been showing up everywhere.

  • John Norris

    “I’m pretty sure Ed Brayton and PZ Myers have a Master Planner’s Lair somewhere, which has a huge hot tub, beer bar and poker table, where the World Domination plans proceed.”

    PZ: “Gee, Brayton, what do you want to do tonight?”
    The Brayton: “The same thing we do every night, PZ—try to take over the world!”