The Things Atheists Do

I picked up my very own Master of Christian Logic today at Unbelief as a Thought Experiment, and had a rousing set-to in comments  over weighty matters such as science and the supernatural. I probably didn’t cover myself with glory — the thing seemed to end in that snippy back-and-forth stuff and I just got tired of it. I did beg him to Come to the Dark Side, offering the standard promise of freedom and joy, but he wasn’t having any of it, intoning (can you intone in a blog comment?):

You’re not the first atheist I’ve run across. I’ve been reading atheist literature/websites for a dozen years. I purposely subscribe to blogs from different viewpoints (atheists, Christians, Muslims, pagans, Republicans, Democrats, etc.). I subscribe to the entire FTB blog feed, in fact. The fact is I don’t find atheism intellectually compelling but it’s not because I don’t listen to its proponents.

Anyway, I think this guy, and others like him, don’t like us atheists simply because they don’t know what we’re like. You know, how cool we are, how compassionate, how normal.

So I thought I’d just show him, and others, what atheists do. I hope my commenter and others will find this enlightening.






The Wrong Answer on Race
Beta Culture: Seeing The Brackets
Zoning Out on Liberal vs. Conservative Issues
Beta Culture: Being Grownups on Planet Earth
  • ‘Tis Himself, OM

    I did beg him to Come to the Dark Side, offering the standard promise of freedom and joy

    You forgot to offer him cookies. Bad atheist, no guilt-free masturbation for you!

  • Reginald Selkirk

    offering the standard promise of freedom and joy…

    That’s where you lost him. Everyone knows that theists prefer guilty pleasures.

  • wholething

    Those are things atheists can do on a Sunday morning instead of listening to a beggar lie to them about Jesus returning any day now.

  • physioprof

    Dude, you left out the roasting dead fetuses!

    • Hank Fox

      Prof, I tried to get that in, but the damned dogs kept getting into the bucket before I could fetch the camera.

      • physioprof

        Fucken dogs.

  • Jayman777

    Hank, where did I say I don’t like atheists? Disagreement is not the same as dislike.

    • Kevin

      You dislike atheists?

      You’ve never even met me. You’ve never met millions upon millions of atheists, yet you automatically “dislike” them?

      That, my friend, is the definition of bigotry.

      I don’t dislike Christians. Almost all of my best friends are Christians. Some of them are card-carrying pray-before-every-meal go-to-church-twice-a-week Christians. Heck, I even have a couple of fairly close acquaintances who are ministers.

      I evaluate individuals based on their actions. I evaluate a group based on its avowed goals and dogma.

      Christianity (and all religions) is a net negative influence on society. Individual sects within the grander umbrella of Christianity wish to control the behavior of every person on the planet (witness the Catholic Church’s position on condom use in Africa–EVEN for non-Catholics).

      Christians as individuals run the gamut from my friend the preacher (one of the nicest men currently on the planet) to Jeffrey Dahmer.

      And I’ll be willing to bet that you don’t dislike all atheists. You probably have people who you know and respect who are closeted atheists. Why are they closeted? Because of small-minded bigots like you.

      • Jayman777


        You dislike atheists?

        No. I think my words implied the opposite.

        You probably have people who you know and respect who are closeted atheists.

        I’m sure I do. I’ve had an atheist roommate. The guy near me at work is an atheist. And so on.

  • Brianne Bilyeu

    Awww…such a cute atheist puppy! I mean naughty! Naughty shoe-chewing atheist puppy! Awww…

  • Joolz

    It’s the beard – no-one trusts a beard. My husband has been chatting with colleagues when someone has mentioned that no-one trusts a man with a beard. He stays quiet until (always!) someone says “Well, obviously, we don’t mean you!” (My husband, in case it’s not obvious, has a beard.)

  • mcbender

    Hank, I don’t think not knowing what atheists are like is the problem here. Privileging the hypothesis, rationalisation, and general unwillingness to apply critical thinking to one’s own arguments are. He doesn’t find atheism intellectually compelling because he doesn’t want to and there may be many factors contributing to that.

    I’ve attacked his arguments on the other thread solely because I do not want bystanders to read them and mistakenly assume they are legitimate because they’ve gone unchallenged. I have no expectation whatsoever of convincing this particular visitor.

  • F

    Ha! I just like the pictures. :D


    He doesn’t find atheism intellectually compelling

    Which is funny in itself right there because atheism a default position, the null hypothesis. An argument for anything else must be pretty damned compelling. Which is why belief isn’t based on reasoned argument based on evidence.

  • Cathryn

    Haha! Love this! :D

  • Mr.Kosta

    Guilt free masturbation is awesome.

    Guilt free out-of-wedlock sex with one’s couple (girlfriend in my case), however, is hitting the freaking jackpot.

  • Jeff Sherry

    After looking at his page and seeing the hoops he jumps through on the Bible, how could he find atheism intellectualy compelling?

  • Harry

    Hank, this is a smashing idea. Could be very meme-able. You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.

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