Monster Under the Bed Scientifically Identified!

Given the common name of the thing, I would swear the Neoclinus blanchardi is a spoof. (Click the pic to embiggen.)

Yet Wikipedia describes it thus:

The sarcastic fringehead (Neoclinus blanchardi) is a ferocious fish which has a large mouth and aggressive territorial behaviour. When two fringeheads have a territorial battle, they wrestle by pressing their distended mouths against each other, as if they were kissing. This allows them to determine which is the larger fish, which establishes dominance.

Sarcastic fringehead! They sound like Tea Baggers meeting to discuss Obama’s Muslim roots, or embittered loonies writing angry letters to the paper about the faked moon landings.

They’re less than a foot long, and are found off the coast of California at depths of 10 to 240 feet.

But they are also, and I swear to this on my own personal experience, sometimes found under the beds of 5 year olds.

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  • Steve R

    The monster under my bed was never anything as innocuous as a toothy fish.

  • Amphigorey


  • Randomfactor

    Odd how many living things are named after the teabagging fools.

  • sumdum

    I’m like, totally impressed by your mouth size.

  • Nathaniel Frein

    I don’t know why, but I’m reminded of a Bloom County comic where Binkly asks Blondie “Do I kiss like a gagging goldfish?”

  • Crudely Wrott

    The monsters under my bed had much bigger mouths full of square, flat crushing teeth. They’d eat that puppy for bedtime snacks.

    Good thing I never put my feet down next to the bed after dark. Jumping a couple feet away is the only reason I survived childhood.

  • Sharolyn Basey

    Great post. I am just starting my blog as well. Do you find it hard to have something to say, because I dont feel like natural writer and it seems to come natural for you.