Fill ‘Er Up, Jesus — This Time With High-Test!

Did I post about these guys before? Forgive me if I did, but I’m newly horrified by the Christian Prayer Center.

After 3 months of unemployment due to downsizing. Standing in faith & sowing down to my last $2.00 in my wallet/empty bank account; I have been blessed with a better job & benefits than my previous 2 jobs. I start this on Monday. I was offered another job @ less money $10,000 less than I made last year, but God told me not to accept it out of fear, but to trust HIM as this was an Ishmael. I turned down the job & was offered this other job which I accepted the next day. The new job starts on Monday. God also gave me $100, put gas in my car & treated me to dinner. Thank you for your prayers of agreement ~Roger V.

Ooh, baby! Thank you Jesus for GASOLINE!!

You know, I’m so far from the Christianity that once lived in my head that I often forget, or even fail to imagine, what it’s really like. Fortunately (Ha!) it’s always there, like herpes, ready for a fresh outbreak. Like this. Reading testimonials for the Christian Prayer Center is both painful and saddening.

Someone who believed in the stuff would hear the previous statement as arrogant and hateful. But it isn’t. I’m truly sad for the people who are on these pages. Sad they face the situations they speak of, and sad they have, for whatever reason, turned to this hokey prayer con for relief.

There’s no doubt in my mind it’s a con. You get on their mailing list and sooner or later there will come the requests for money. Money you send in for the illusion that you’ve been helped, or the phony hope that others will be helped. For – really – nothing.

I’m sad they believe the stuff they believe. Convinced that some large fraction of them face the problems they face because … well, because they’ve never gained the skill of thinking clearly and critically. In their minds, they live in a magical universe where wishes work, and where magical beings can be cajoled into granting those wishes … if you’re good, or if you get a lot of other people on your team. They are pathetically trapped into situations, some of them, because their belief in wishes crowds out some of the other mental skills such as planning, forethought and the ability to make realistic choices.

Or maybe they’ve just broken under the load of their life, and the parasites – the people who run this page – have moved in and taken them over.

I have been praying for a long time for God to help me decide what to do about my future. Actually I was praying for guidance as to what He wants me to do. He has been dropping messages and led me down a path that will be a bit challenging, but also rewarding. ~ Thomas J., Pittsburgh, PA

I hope this young (?) man is also, like, going to school and stuff. And actually studying, rather than praying for God to help him pass tests. I also hope whatever “hints” he thinks he’s getting are for some realistic career.

Fortunately, there’s humor in it too:

Thank you for all those who prayed for me!!! GOD was so good that He extended my unemployment benefits! I know if He can do this small things, He can do so much more. ~Pam M.

Yes, thank you God for that generous extension of unemployment benefits! I’m just so glad it’s you, and not that stingy damned Libertarian God!

Even better (worse?):

My sister is doing so well now, we are truely blessed by Jesus and know your prayers helped every step of the way!!! She finishes up her chemo in Dec, completed radiation in July and will be moving towards reconstruction surgery in the near future. All because Christ said He would heal her!!!! Thank you!!!! ~ Maureen T.

Pardon me, doctors, while I ignore the chemo, slip by the fact of the radiation treatment, and fail to notice the reconstructive surgery. I’m only here to thank the Great Sky Magician for my sister’s recovery.

Finally:

The Lord blessed me with a great passing grade to get into my Senior year of nursing at the University of Maine at Fort Kent…Praise God!!!…Amen…I needed to pass this test to move on in school!!! ~ Helen D.

Yeah, that’s the nurse I want.

_______________________

BTW: All the quotes above are verbatim. I’m not responsible for the spelling, punctuation or broken phrasing.

  • Sercee

    The last one makes me the most sad because the student won’t/can’t for whatever reason take credit for her own hard work and skills. She earned that mark on her own merit but is so brainwashed she’ll never believe she’s the one good enough to accomplish something. It’s only by the whim of some imaginary, sadistic deity that she’ll ever get anywhere. :(

  • http://www.facebook.com/CynicalOtaku Nathaniel Frein

    Ugh. My mother broke her arm this Thursday. She broke it in two places just under the ball joint, but the breaks themselves are clean and should hold together on their own. So the prognosis is pretty good.

    When the doctor at the emergency room told her this, she started talking about how she was thankful god didn’t do more. That he was merciful.

    And I know she had already taken two Percocet in the last two hours at this point, but I still had to bite my tongue. If you heard someone say this about their parents, or their partner, you’d tell them they were in an abusive relationship. If my father had broken my mother’s arm and her first reaction was to say “Well, he gave it a clean break so I should be thankful because he could have done worse” anyone involved would know that there was something downright sick about the relationship.

  • oldymoldy

    There’s really not much else to say.
    This is craziness!

    “Finally:

    The Lord blessed me with a great passing grade to get into my Senior year of nursing at the University of Maine at Fort Kent…Praise God!!!…Amen…I needed to pass this test to move on in school!!! ~ Helen D.

    Yeah, that’s the nurse I want.”

  • http://sciencenotes.wordpress.com/ Markita Lynda—threadrupt

    Haunted, ghost-ridden, brainwashed–and glad of it!

    I’m so glad my family didn’t bring me up that way. They’re afraid to take credit for anything, afraid if they’re not grateful enough it will all be whisked away. Haunted by a sky-tyrant.

  • grumpyoldfart

    Some people write false testimonials. When everything goes wrong they tell the con-man that it all turned out well. It’s a way of saving face.

  • tsig

    I’m glad the lord loved me so much that he sent that bus that made me a blind, deaf and dumb quadriplegic so the distractions were removed and I could clearly see the light of Jesus.

    Praise!!!

  • F

    It wasn’t God who extended your unemployment benefits, it was those fucking liberal socialists.

    But really, I do appreciate it when god gives me gas.

  • pete

    Time for a Poe?


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