Wow! I Belonged To The TRUE Christian Church!!

From ages 5-21, my entire time as part of the Protestant Christian Church, I was more specifically a member of the “non-denominational” Church of Christ which arose out of the “Restoration Movement” of America’s 2nd Great Awakening.  John W. Loftus, a former minister and fellow former member of the Church of Christ turned atheist, has a chart (reproduced below) which breaks down all the major Christian denominations and sub-denominations, exposes their heretical doctrines and how they fulfill prophecies of Revelation, and finally how only Christians from our branch of churches, Restoration Movement churches, go to heaven!

Loftus also butters me up completely with a great quote from Nietzsche’s Daybreak (section 91) about how ridiculous it would be for God to make Himself so hard to find and make mistakes about figuring out the truth about Him carry the consequence of hell.  Normally such an argument (and from Nietzsche no less) would persuade me of the irrationality of religious belief.  But, now that I learn I had the true Christianity all along, I do not think this is such a big deal.  I was baptized in the Church of Christ—I’m going to heaven!!!  And you’re not! Suckersssss!

The Chuech Historically Traced

Before and After I Deconverted: The Development of My Sexual Imagination
“The History of Philosophy” and “Philosophy and Suicide”
Before I Deconverted: I Saw My First “Secular Humanist” On TV
A Moral Philosopher on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson
About Daniel Fincke

Dr. Daniel Fincke  has his PhD in philosophy from Fordham University and spent 11 years teaching in college classrooms. He wrote his dissertation on Ethics and the philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche. On Camels With Hammers, the careful philosophy blog he writes for a popular audience, Dan argues for atheism and develops a humanistic ethical theory he calls “Empowerment Ethics”. Dan also teaches affordable, non-matriculated, video-conferencing philosophy classes on ethics, Nietzsche, historical philosophy, and philosophy for atheists that anyone around the world can sign up for. (You can learn more about Dan’s online classes here.) Dan is an APPA  (American Philosophical Practitioners Association) certified philosophical counselor who offers philosophical advice services to help people work through the philosophical aspects of their practical problems or to work out their views on philosophical issues. (You can read examples of Dan’s advice here.) Through his blogging, his online teaching, and his philosophical advice services each, Dan specializes in helping people who have recently left a religious tradition work out their constructive answers to questions of ethics, metaphysics, the meaning of life, etc. as part of their process of radical worldview change.

  • Mary Young


    I like how the Greek Catholics (by that I guess he means Orthodox??) are even further away from the true church of Christ almost as if they’re the river the Catholic Church is floating in. This is so intricate lol. It reminds me of this not-to-scale map of London we have hanging in my basement at my parents’ house.

  • The Vicar

    As far as I can see — and it’s late and the text is very small, so I may simply have missed it — the chart-maker left out the Russian Orthodox church, which would frown on being lumped in with the Greeks but don’t fit anywhere else, either. (At least the Cathars made it in, albeit as Albigensians…)

  • The Vicar

    Wait, I just realized: isn’t the whole Christian year-numbering scheme supposed to begin with the birth of Jesus? So how can there be a Christian church before Jesus started acquiring disciples, which would presumably be something like year 20 or 25 or so? And how can Gnostic beliefs be Christian before there’s a Christian church, either?

    Ah, trying too hard to make sense of this garbage.

  • Keenan Steel

    Hmm eerily similar to Mormon doctrine, which I broke away from a few years back. I love how “heaven” is at the end of the timeline (lol).

  • mikespeir

    Yeah, rub it in. I was Pentecostal. They really start pumping the bellows when a Pentecostal drops into the forge.

  • The Vicar

    I love how “heaven” is at the end of the timeline (lol).

    Note also that the timeline ends with the 20th century. (That is, the markers along the top denote how many centuries have elapsed, so years starting with “20″ aren’t shown.) I know it’s been done before, but maybe the Rapture happened already, and all the Christians who got it right got swooped up — all one of them.

  • david p

    where’s the anglican church of england! this is clearly constewed to fit the same number of heads as the beast! the mark of the beast is those whom have their congregations slain in the spirit! they cannot buy or sell without the mark, given on their forehead from another’s’ hand which also has a mark! the beast had 7 crowns in heaven and when on earth had gained 3! 3 more than heads to fit them! these are false crowns of the father, son, holy spirit! the mark of the beast is 666 – mans’ number, falsified father son holy spirit! the spirit they have is the devil- setting himself up as god in gods temple -their bodies and even cause fire to come from heaven in full view of man- the faisified tounges gift! which is erroneous and made up fabrications of imaginations and false miracles! they have as Isaiah 28 -But the word of the LORD was unto them precept upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little; that they might go, and fall backward, and be broken, and snared, and taken. so careful whom you call suckersssss!