Mitt Romney Is No Longer A Mormon.

That’s right. Mitt Romney, America’s most famous representative of the Church of Latter Day Saints no longer belongs to the Mormon faith. His associations with the church were invalidated when a moment ago I took it upon myself to unbaptize him. So, spread the word far and wide, fellow atheists, Mitt Romney is now one of us. He is a man without a faith—regardless of whatever appearances he is going to try to keep in the future.

Now, I know some people may say, “It is not only immoral but impossible to take away someone’s conscientious beliefs like that!”

That’s what I thought too. Until a couple weeks ago when I read that Mitt Romney decided that the conscience of his staunchly anti-religious atheist father-in-law was a mere irrelevance and posthumously subjected him to a forced baptism. Luckily for Team Atheist, Bill Maher subsequently unbaptized him last weekend (see the video below), so he’s back with us now.

And I decided to take it a step further and unbaptized Romney himself. So, from now on atheists, speak only according to the truth. Correct everyone who tells you that Mitt Romney is a Mormon that they are behind the times. And if Mitt Romney objects—well, why should that matter?

Now some might object should not be faulted for disrespecting his father-in-law’s conscience because he had only the noblest intentions, even if they were misguided. He was urgently trying to save his father-in-law’s soul and get him into heaven. But in fact, I did this for Mitt’s own good, too. I am trying to help him get elected to the presidency by taking away his unfortunate, misguided beliefs that alienate him from so much of the public that so rightly judges their political candidates by what faith they have. This can only mean his chances of winning the Presidency can go up. You’re Welcome, Governor.

UPDATE: Sorry, I just learned that atheists are even more mistrusted than Mormons as presidential candidates. I’m so sorry, Governor, but what’s done is done!

Your Thoughts?

About Daniel Fincke

Dr. Daniel Fincke  has his PhD in philosophy from Fordham University and spent 11 years teaching in college classrooms. He wrote his dissertation on Ethics and the philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche. On Camels With Hammers, the careful philosophy blog he writes for a popular audience, Dan argues for atheism and develops a humanistic ethical theory he calls “Empowerment Ethics”. Dan also teaches affordable, non-matriculated, video-conferencing philosophy classes on ethics, Nietzsche, historical philosophy, and philosophy for atheists that anyone around the world can sign up for. (You can learn more about Dan’s online classes here.) Dan is an APPA  (American Philosophical Practitioners Association) certified philosophical counselor who offers philosophical advice services to help people work through the philosophical aspects of their practical problems or to work out their views on philosophical issues. (You can read examples of Dan’s advice here.) Through his blogging, his online teaching, and his philosophical advice services each, Dan specializes in helping people who have recently left a religious tradition work out their constructive answers to questions of ethics, metaphysics, the meaning of life, etc. as part of their process of radical worldview change.

  • Gnumann

    Forced baptism has a long tradition amongst the catlickers too – does this make Benny-the-rat fair game for a de-dunking?

  • Gregory

    @Gnumann #1 – Sure! I’ll bring the hair dryer.

  • Physicalist

    This made me laugh.

    And then a part of my brain started tickling. Wasn’t there some website a couple years back that would let you debaptize dead people (or something similar)?

  • http://www.NoYourGod.com NoYourGod

    My neighbor, a good friend and an evangelical/charismatic christian, said that my non-belief is a religion. Sadly, I pulled a Castanza and did not think of the appropriate response (“yeah, and using that logic let’s go out to the parking lot and look at my Mustang collection”) until after I left…

  • Randomfactor

    NoYourGod, passing along the latest in that vein:

    “If atheism is a religion, then ‘off’ is a TV Channel.”

    (And it’s getting better ratings all the time…)

  • Alex

    So, spread the word far and wide, fellow atheists, Mitt Romney is now one of us.

    What if we don’t want him?

    • http://freethoughtblogs.com/camelswithhammers Daniel Fincke

      I went to a great deal of trouble to get him, so you’re going to be nice to him, young man.

  • ‘Tis Himself, OM

    Mitt Romney is now one of us.

    I hereby resign my position as one of “us.” I’m now one of “them.”

    • tynk

      “one of us, one of us, one of us!”

      I was baptized and raised catholic. When I was finally able to admit what I had known since elementary school, I went to the church where I was confirmed and baptized and asked to be taken off the register. They would not do it because “my parents chose to give me to god”.

      What I am trying to say is, we have you now so tough shit what you want.

      ;)

  • Travis Griggs

    I know you’re enlightened and all, what with having listed yourself free and clear of the shackles of needing a god to make your world go around.

    And I even kinda got a kick out of your post. I’m not so thin skinned I don’t find it a bit funny and amusing. It’s all about perspective and grinning with others’ is good, right?

    Technically though, I think you missed the point, which surprised me, because I know atheists are smarter than the rest of us. You can unbaptize yourself *for and in behalf* of Mitt Romney. You’re doing him a favor. When he decides his Mormon beliefs are bunk, you’ve taken care of doing the grunt-work for him, all he has to do is accept it and sign the dotted line, he might even say “thanks man!”. But you don’t get to unbaptize him. He’s still him. Just like Romney didn’t get to baptize his father in law, he got to do a secondary baptism, *for and in behalf of* his father in law. In case any ghost or shadow of whatever of his dear-deceased-dad decides he’s changed his mind.

    Feel free to unbaptize yourself for and in behalf of me, or any of my ancestors. I know it’ll show you care. And if I’m wrong on the other side, I appreciate you pulling for me. Really.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=153100784 michaelbrew

      But you don’t get to unbaptize him. He’s still him.

      No shit.

  • StevoR

    I am trying to help him get elected to the presidency by taking away his unfortunate, misguided beliefs that alienate him from so much of the public that so rightly judges their political candidates by what faith they have.

    .. Or at least what faith they publicly claim to have whatever they may really think or believe in or put first privately.

    I suspect at least a few of the contenders are acting for political self-interest.

    Still, LOL, nicely done.


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