Greta Christina Doesn’t Want You To Accept The Truth

…about cats:

The paws that delicately pat you in the face to wake you up? The paws that make bread on your belly? The paws that mischievously jump up on the kitchen counter? The paws that walk on you and your furniture every day of your life? Those are the same paws that have just been digging in the litter box. Don’t think about it.

She’s got five more such unpleasant truths she doesn’t want you to look straight in the eye. But she makes the last one hard to stop pondering, she puts it in such an eye opening light. Read all the terrible truths about cats. Especially if, like me, you want just a couple thoughts that are enough to confirm you in your decision to never own a cat in your life.

Your Thoughts?

About Daniel Fincke

Dr. Daniel Fincke  has his PhD in philosophy from Fordham University and spent 11 years teaching in college classrooms. He wrote his dissertation on Ethics and the philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche. On Camels With Hammers, the careful philosophy blog he writes for a popular audience, Dan argues for atheism and develops a humanistic ethical theory he calls “Empowerment Ethics”. Dan also teaches affordable, non-matriculated, video-conferencing philosophy classes on ethics, Nietzsche, historical philosophy, and philosophy for atheists that anyone around the world can sign up for. (You can learn more about Dan’s online classes here.) Dan is an APPA  (American Philosophical Practitioners Association) certified philosophical counselor who offers philosophical advice services to help people work through the philosophical aspects of their practical problems or to work out their views on philosophical issues. (You can read examples of Dan’s advice here.) Through his blogging, his online teaching, and his philosophical advice services each, Dan specializes in helping people who have recently left a religious tradition work out their constructive answers to questions of ethics, metaphysics, the meaning of life, etc. as part of their process of radical worldview change.

  • Stacy

    I have a cat, and I don’t think I want to ever NOT own a cat. True, I have no real knowledge of what she perceives or what she is thinking, but I find that she’s pretty good at communicating what she wants with me. When she wants food, she’ll meow until I follow her, then herd me to her food bowl. When she wants water, she’ll sit on the sink and meow to get my attention. When I get home she always wants to cuddle, so she’ll meow, and just stay by me until I sit down somewhere so that she can sit on my lap. At night, I call her, and she comes running to cuddle with me while I fall asleep. She answers to her name (or at least the tone of voice I use when calling her.) And she’s very good at poking me with the tip of her tail if I stop petting her for too long. And yes, there are elements of cat parenthood that are not too sanitary when thought about too much, but she is always ready to cuddle with me when I need affection, and she’s been my little buddy for about 13 years now and is still ready to entertain me by dancing with her catnip pickle. I guess I’m a good example of how well you can train a human when you put in a little effort.

  • ACN

    I try not to think about the paw-thing.

    One of my cats is exceedingly fluffy. I try not to think too hard about what the cloud of dust that gets kicked up when she bats me in the face with her tail is composed of.

    Spoiler: Probably cat litter.

  • Roxane

    It’s been suggested that one reason people seem to be having so many allergies and sensitivities these days is that they haven’t been exposed to enough germs and dirt. Cats are doing their bit to keep us allergy-free.

  • Marta Layton

    I have no deep thoughts on Greta’s deep thoughts at the bottom, except that this is an area where I’m glad humans consider more than just logical pros and cons in their behavior, that emotions and pure whim play such a big part. And I really have no deeper motive in that statement either! I’ve just been awake too long. ;-)

    Anyway, to Greta: she really nails the cat-companion dynamic really well here. Given all this, it’s a bit absurd we’re so attached to our companions; but we (or at least I) are. This was funny and touching at the same time.

  • A3Kr0n

    #7) They’re not rubbing their face on you because you’re so wonderful, they’re marking you with their scent glands. Just don’t think about it!
    #8) Ever notice how your kitty licks you just before she bites you? She was softening you up!
    But she looooves you…………

  • BenSix
  • Mogg

    Cats: building a stronger immune system in humanity since the time of the ancient Egyptians :)

    I love my dog, too, even though I know she is of a species that finds the faeces of other animals a valuable source of nutrients and an effective tool for disguising their own smell, all in one convenient package.