In response to Todd Akin’s sexual miseducation, Sierra recounts some of the myths she used to believe, thanks to her fundamentalist upbringing:
1. You can get pregnant by swimming with boys, because sperm can leak out and travel through pool water.
2. You can get a “false pregnancy” by masturbating – convincing your body that you’re having sex – and will then go through a miscarriage.
3. People can tell whether or not you have ever masturbated by the way you smell (pheromones).
4. When a woman has sex, her hips widen and her demeanor changes. You can tell if a woman has lost her virginity by the way her hips sway when she walks.
5. If you think lustful thoughts or have crushes on boys, you might also get a “false pregnancy” and your hips might widen automatically.
And, dear moderate Christians who just might be reading this, before you just dismiss the fundies as clueless and pat yourselves on the back for not being so out of touch with reality, can you please take a moment to explain why people so regularly beseech your omnipotent and omniscient God for knowledge and wisdom wind up being so regularly among the most incorrigibly ignorant people in our culture?