CAP Alert Reviews II

It’s been far too long since I first examined the lunacy that is the CAP Alert site. Interestingly, the site seems to have fallen on hard financial times: it is plastered with ads, and virtually every page contains text begging for donations. Their recent reviews show that the majority of movies released in the past few weeks were not reviewed because no one “sponsored” them to do so. The site’s owner claims that it costs him an average of $350 to review one movie. By my calculations, assuming four movie reviews per week, this would mean that he is asking for $70,000 in donations each year just to review movies – a hefty salary, considering the distinctly undemanding nature of the work.

Why are Christians across the world not opening their wallets to the beleaguered souls at CAP? Well, perhaps it has something to do with ridiculous reviews like this:

Sexual issues included sex talk, anatomical references, seeking of sexual conquest, a woman placing a man’s hand on her chest and a man and woman in bed (clothed). Maybe the man and woman in bed together were married in the movie but the actor and actress were not.

—from the review of “A Beautiful Mind

Yes, after all his railing against extramarital sex in movies, one would think the CAP reviewer would welcome a movie that only shows sexual scenes between married characters. But apparently not: he deducts points because the actor and actress were not married. What are we to make of this? Is he saying that it is a sin for unmarried people to lie together, clothed, in the same bed? (God demands that unmarried people remain at least three feet apart at all times!) Should actors and actresses who participate in sexual scenes be legally married beforehand?

But in this review, I intend to focus on a less humorous and more disturbing trait of the CAP reviewer: his phobic and prejudiced attitude toward homosexuals. Though he lambastes movies for “endorsing” homosexuality, what truly seems to bother him is the mere recognition that it exists. His reviews pervasively imply that he would prefer homosexuals to be forced back into the closet and silenced, so that he and other fundamentalist Christians can more easily pretend that they do not exist.

For example, he criticizes the film “15 Minutes” for the following item: “gay pair on a billboard”. That is all. No endorsement of homosexuality, no claim that it is a good or acceptable attitude, is mentioned: only recognition of its existence. That seems sufficient to trigger condemnation. And consider this additional evidence:

In the movie, Virginia Woolf is portrayed as being both severely depressed and lesbian. However trustworthy the Internet is or is not, a search confirmed the claim that Virginia Woolf was lesbian. Why do I bring up that Woolf was reportedly lesbian while it has nothing to do with her literary genius? Because it is a key element in this story of promotion of homosexuality/lesbianism to younger and younger kids every year.

—from the review of “The Hours

Evidently, in the CAP reviewer’s eyes, a movie that is made about a famous person who was homosexual should omit and not mention the fact of that famous person’s homosexuality. The CAP reviewer often pours scorn on the idea of “political correctness”, but what term would he prefer to describe his own desire to rewrite and censor history to fit his own prejudices?

It would seem that the entertainment industry is trying to make sure kids at least know about, among many other sins, the practice of homosexuality.

—from the review of “Shall We Dance?

Yes, and? Is the CAP reviewer arguing that kids should not be told about the existence of homosexuality? Does he think we should try to keep them ignorant of all ways of life except the one we want them to adopt?

The chief editor of “Poise” magazine, Richard (Andy Serkis – Gollum and Smeagol of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King) said he is gay. It might seem quite innocuous for an actor to simply state he is gay in a light and casual “in passing” mention of it, making being gay seem routine and even mundane with no special noteworthiness. But that which happens “behind the scenes” in the practice of homosexuality of which intentionally few are aware is always carefully and strategically guarded from being revealed in matters such as this film targeted at your adolescents (which include at-home teens). The same sly and calculated omissions are used to teach your school-aged kids tolerance of diversity, skillfully leaving out the perversity (“strange flesh”) in God’s eyes.

—from the review of “13 Going on 30

“Carefully and strategically”? Apparently he discerns some subtle and sinister plot in an interview where a gay person mentions being gay. And as far as public schools go, tolerance is absolutely the right thing to teach. Tolerance does not mean that we must like or endorse different lifestyles or treat them with approval, but only that we must recognize other people’s right to direct their lives as they wish and not attempt to force our preferences on them.

This seems too much to ask of the CAP reviewer, however. Like many other Christian supremacists, he apparently wishes that ways of life which do not meet with his approval would be outlawed. In his review of “The Mexican“, he disturbingly laments the fact that a homosexual relationship is depicted as having “no legal consequences”. In his review of “Big Daddy“, he deducts points for a depiction of “leaving a five year old boy in the care of two male homosexuals”, as if there were something intrinsically wrong with this. Personally, I would be far more comfortable leaving a child in the care of a homosexual couple than in the care of a militant, malignant Christian bigot who would attempt to indoctrinate that child with ideas of religious hatred and discrimination.

The CAP reviewer also expresses his indignation that homosexuals would dare to act like human beings:

A number of times in Good Boy! two co-habitating men in a relationship clearly not something as simple two guys living together to share expenses appear in scenes subtly giving a strategically understated message that co-habitating practitioners of homosexuality are just like families with peaceful homes, pets and mortgages when quite the opposite appears to be true.

—from the review of “Good Boy

Yes, how dare those homosexuals try to pass themselves off as normal people! Everyone knows that gays don’t feel love or affection like straight people do and that the only thing they really want is to have nonstop sexual orgies all day. Can anyone really be so ignorant as to believe idiotic stereotypes like this? Has it ever occurred to the CAP reviewer to wonder why gay rights groups are fighting for the freedom to marry when, according to him, they don’t really want it anyway?

In line with the CAP reviewer’s evident wish that homosexuals could be swept under the rug and censored, he is also upset when movies suggest the effects which the steady campaign of religious prejudice has had on them. In the review of “The Next Best Thing“, he rails against “portrayal of the homosexual agenda as the ‘injured party’”.

Yes, they are! That is exactly the case. The many gay people who want nothing more than to live together with their partners and start families, free of interference and discrimination, are the ones who are injured by the acts of homophobic religious bigots who want to barge into those people’s lives and force them to conform to their repressive and limited conception of what is normal. By contrast, the desire of gay people to live together in peace in no way injures or interferes with the CAP reviewer’s desire to practice his religion for himself as he sees fit. When gay people start arguing that Christians should not be allowed to marry or adopt children, then I will acknowledge CAP’s point.

There is much more I could cite. He criticizes “The Lion King” for the line “Want me to dress in drag?”, which he calls a “homosexual suggestion” (evidently the CAP reviewer does not understand the difference between transvestites and homosexuals). The black comedy “Death to Smoochy” is said to “promot[e] jabs for homosexuality such as asking a man to wear thong underwear”. Who knew that a man’s choice of underwear could turn him gay?

“A Knight’s Tale” is excoriated for “the use of two major songs by homo/bisexual artists”: “We Will Rock You” by Queen and “Golden Years” by David Bowie, a choice which is called “not likely accidental”. “The Day After Tomorrow” similarly comes under fire for a “homosexual song”, “Do You Really Wanna Hurt Me” by Boy George. Is the implication here that we should boycott or ban music performed by non-heterosexuals, for no other reason than the fact of their sexual orientation? I do not doubt that this reviewer would be among the first to scream persecution if some group announced the boycott of any music played by Christians.

And then we descend even further into the ridiculous, with criticisms such as “homosexual mannerisms” (“Saving Silverman”), “two men speaking of relationships in a traditionally ‘female’ style” (“The Next Best Thing”), or even more bizarrely, “dressing of dogs in stereotypical homosexual dress” (“Legally Blonde 2″). Is the CAP reviewer fearful that the “homosexual agenda” is out to brainwash even our pets?

But the crowning absurdity must surely be this:

For every Kinsey-style report and other so-to-speak scientific report that claims homosexuality is – for some – normal and natural and healthy, I’ll betcha I could find two or three scientific reports to refute that speculation – probably the greatest report being the Holy Bible.

The idea of the Bible – a book of myths written by a Bronze Age tribe that believed the Earth to be the 6,000-year-old center of the universe – as a “scientific report” would be hilarious, if it were not for the fact that the bigots who believe it literally are deadly serious about forcing their ignorant and regressive views on the rest of the world. Whether the CAP site dries up for lack of funding or not, we nonbelievers must never forget that there are millions more people who hold similar beliefs. Whether the issue is gay rights, atheist rights, or the rights of any other minority that has historically faced discrimination and oppression, the most valuable function of bigots like this may be to remind us that the price of freedom is eternal vigilance against those who would take it away from us.

Other posts in this series:

The FLDS Cult Is Unraveling
Constitutional Crisis in Alabama?
Atlas Shrugged: The Rapture of the Capitalists
SF/F Saturday: Terry Pratchett’s Death
About Adam Lee

Adam Lee is an atheist writer and speaker living in New York City. His new novel, City of Light, is available in paperback and e-book. Read his full bio, or follow him on Twitter.

  • andrea

    I would have to agree that the internet’s one great function is allowing us to see that there are bigots still among us. With the assumed anonyminity, people often say what they actually believe. That isn’t always the case, considering how often I kill threads on a faith discussion forum I’m on. Whenever you ask the theists there for answers to questions, they often vanish rather than answer.

  • Will E.

    While the rampant homophobia is disturbing, what I find most distressing is the complete anti-intellectualism at work here. The reviewer is upset because actors playing a married couple are not in reality married? Wha–? These are people who afraid of art and entertainment, period. It’s a puritan distrust of the imagination and its works. Anything that is not god-this and god-that is evil and corrupting, even if the artist in question has a religious sensibility; do you think they’re reading Dostoevsky, or “Left Behind”? These are folks who probably live in homes without books, without art, who have no appreciation for the life of the mind. It’s just good old-fashioned American anti-intellectualism and that’s all.

  • Alison

    I remember a story many, many years ago about a Bollywood acting couple who portrayed a couple that got divorced in a movie. The courts decided that the divorce applied to them in real life somehow, and they had a heck of a time getting the paperwork straightened out.

    This guy would benefit from learning all the things he’d have to do without if he banned everything ever invented or created or financed by homosexuals from his life (or the world). One of the advice columnists regularly reprints one about contributions to society’s betterment by Jews – I wonder if there’s one for gays and lesbians, too. Not that it would really open a bigot’s eyes, but it might be handy to have, just in case.

  • lpetrich

    Many homophobes seem to think that considering homosexuality legitimate somehow makes heterosexuality illegitimate; they seem to think that heterosexuality is somehow under siege.

    And why can’t CAP Alert’s webmaster(s) simply pray that God Almighty will rain the necessary money down on them like manna from heaven? That would save them a LOT of trouble.

    Also, it’s amusing to rate the Bible by their criteria:

    Wanton Violence/Crime
    Offense to God

    W — the earlier parts of the Bible are full of mass murders that are presented very approvingly. Noah’s Flood, the Ten Plagues of Egypt, the drowning of the Pharaoh’s army, the killing of entire populations during the Conquest, etc. The New Testament also has a bit of that in the deaths of the Gadarene swine and in the Grand Guignol of the Book of Revelation.

    I — Disreputable origins of certain ethnic groups (Ham, Lot’s daughters), commands of genocide of certain ethnic groups, vilification of other religions as “idolatry” and vilification of Pharisees, etc.

    S — Adam and Eve bare naked, Noah accidentally exposing himself, Lot at Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot and his daughters, David and Bathsheba, the Song of Solomon, etc.

    D — Wine-drinking is OK as long as one doesn’t get drunk; Jesus Christ turned water into wine for a wedding party.

    O — The Genesis Joseph interprets the Pharaoh’s dreams, King Saul has the witch of Endor channel the ghost of the prophet Samuel, Jesus Christ practicing exorcism and salivary therapy, etc. This category includes lots of “occult”, “New Age”, and other-religion stuff.

    M — Moses murdered an Egyptian overseer who was mistreating a slave, Samson committed suicide by wrecking the Philistines’ temple with him inside it, etc.

    The CAP guys respond with Why Don’t You CAP The Bible?, which seems like whiny special pleading. The CAP guys claimed that there was a big difference between the Bible’s simple descriptions and fully-detailed movies. But that means that Bible movies would lose VERY badly by their standards.

  • Christopher

    Yeah… the bible as sinence: a book that describes rain as god “opening the windows of the firmament (note: this literally means “solid structure),” allows light to exist without an apparent source, and says stars exist for “signs and wonders.”

    Such a “scientifically adavnced” people these Hebrews were…

  • Christopher

    BTW: here’s an open letter I wrote to them. For your entertainment…

    The reviews that your organization puts out are incredibly helpful in my viewing choices: the more you hate it, the more I want to go see it. Bible-thumppers like you provide me with amusing anecdotes to brighten my day (especially labling “Open Season violent because one of the characters shouted “I’ll kill you!” Priceless…), thereby making me realize that there are people out there far crazier than nuts I live with.

    But, in all seriousness, don’t you think that it’s time that you stop using a document written by Bronze-Age goat herders as your moral/ethical standard? Society has learned much over the last 3,000 years: we know that diseases are caused by microbes and not the wrath of spirits, the earth is NOT the center of the universe, the “divine right” of kings is a load of shit, and (most importantly) THERE IS NO GOD! He is just a figment of our collective imaginations.

    The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can start enjoying the movies instead of telling the gullible public to avoid them for fear of their very souls.

    From an ex-christian to bretheren in captivity,

    I wonder if they will reply…

  • Montu

    Ah, what a good way to start off my day, morning coffee in hand. It’s always fun to wake up and see what’s happening over in crazy land, funner still to watch intellegent people point and laugh at these silly people. I think I would laugh harder still if I thought these people from CAP were just a crazy fringe group that no one pays attention to, but alas and alack it seems as if their brand of mischif making is only growing stronger, even while this particular site is dying. Still, I got a good giggle from “The Lion King” being portrayed as homosexual in any way. Apparently he missed the legendary “sex written in the flower petals” sceene.

  • lpetrich

    Here is their full list of movie reviews; they’ve reviewed some Bible movies.

    You people might especially like their review of The Passion of The Christ — they are honest enough to concede that it is full of violence and other no-nos of theirs.

  • Infophile

    The idea of the Bible – a book of myths written by a Bronze Age tribe that believed the Earth to be the 6,000-year-old center of the universe – as a “scientific report” would be hilarious, if it were not for the fact that the bigots who believe it literally are deadly serious about forcing their ignorant and regressive views on the rest of the world.

    I recently got into an extended debate against a rabid idiotic creationish flooder troll. At one point I decided to see how he like having the tables turned on him, so I poured a flood of arguments right back at them. One of them was as follows:

    The Bible is the only “evidence” of Christianity. The Quran is the only “evidence” of Islam. The Elder Edda is the only “evidence” of Norse beliefs. All are books. From an outside standpoint, what’s to recommend one over another?

    (Okay, not quite accurate on the Elder Edda, there is the Younger Edda as well, but that’s besides the point.)

    This argument seemed to really irk him, and he went on another flood against it, claiming some truly ridiculous things about the Bible:

    If you compare the Bible to any other religious book it will not be long before you discover that it is not like any other book.

    1. It supercedes them in testimony.
    Unlike the others, it is not one book; it is a library of 66 books that read as one books. It has a variety of 40 different authors from different social backgrounds (from kings to poor men) with huge gaps of time between them, but yet (as evidenced through your own testimony) it reads as one. If this was a book that man would write if he could, the result would be uttur chaos where each author would offer contradictory thoughts fighting for preeminence.

    2. It supercedes them in relevance:
    Although the Bible is already many centuries old, it is still read regularly and with great interest by very many people.

    The Bible is a book that has been relevant in every epoch of world history – whether in times of war or peace, in the Dark Ages or in our modern technological age. Millions of people have found nourishment, help, and encouragement in this book.

    The Bible is the only book in the world that is read by people from all walks of life and from every age group.

    3. It supercedes them in its survival.

    It has survived time: Although the Bible was written on perishable material and therefore had to be copied by hand for many centuries until the art of printing had been invented, neither its accuracy nor its existence has suffered.

    It has survived persecution: The Bible has withstood the most malicious onslaughts of its enemies like no other book. For centuries people have tried to burn, ban, and outlaw the Bible.

    It has survived criticism: An army of rationalists arose who thought up the wildest and most intense attacks against the Bible. But nevertheless, the Bible has been distributed more, read more and cherished more than any other book.

    4. It supercedes them in moral character.
    The absolute unique moral character of this book forces man to make a choice, a decision. It seems that nobody can remain untouched or neutral in the presence of the Bible.

    For that reason is the Bible not only the most-sold, most-spread, most-translated and most-read, but also the most-hated book in the world.

    But it is just as much the most-cherished book in the world. Other books may represent certain ideals. But practice proves the impossibility of lifting fallen man up to the level of these ideals, because the power is missing that only the Bible seems to possess. The Bible brings the impossible about by bringing us into contact with Jesus Christ who does not “repair” fallen man, but who has died for them. And fallen man has died in and with Christ, and has become a completely new human being, a new creature in the risen Christ. Scripture tells us that everybody, who truly has accepted Christ in faith, can rest in this assurance. – The biblical answer to the moral problem of the modern man is a personal, spiritual new birth, an actual inner change – not the conversion to a system, but to a Person, and the sincere, believing trust in the risen Lord Jesus Christ.

    You will find a completer contrast to its counterparts.

    4. It supercedes them in accuracy.

    The Bible itself tells us how it was written: “All Scripture is inspired by God” (2 Timothy 3:16). Men “moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God” (2 Peter 1:21). The Greek word for inspired, theopneustos, means “God-breathed.” The Holy Spirit carried men along, moving and guiding them as they wrote in their own words what God wanted them to say. Thus we have verbal inspiration, because the words of the original text were inspired by God.

    Many indicators for the accuracy of the Bible can be found in the fields of science, such as astronomy, physics, medicine, or biology.

    No historic fact in the Bible ever has been shown to be in error.

    One of the strongest objective evidences of biblical inspiration is the phenomenon of fulfilled prophecy. The Bible is essentially unique among the religious books of mankind in this respect.

    The basic truth is that the Bible is not such a book that man would write if he could.

    It’s truly amazing how some people can delude themselves.

  • The Ridger

    I can’t say I’m sorry to hear they’re in trouble. But obviously their service isn’t in demand by their target audience …

  • Ebonmuse

    It has survived persecution: The Bible has withstood the most malicious onslaughts of its enemies like no other book. For centuries people have tried to burn, ban, and outlaw the Bible.

    I notice that your correspondent, Infophile, overlooks the fact that most of the people who have tried to ban the Bible throughout its history were Christians, of some sect or another, who were trying to stamp out a rival sect with a rival version of the gospel. Such censorship goes all the way back to the Council of Nicaea. So of course the Bible’s overall survival has never been in doubt; what is at issue is which version would survive.

    It has survived criticism: An army of rationalists arose who thought up the wildest and most intense attacks against the Bible. But nevertheless, the Bible has been distributed more, read more and cherished more than any other book.

    Somehow I doubt that your correspondent would view the persistence of, say, the Qur’an in the face of an army of Christian apologists to be evidence for the divine origin of that book. Apologists are rarely shy about judging their own religion by a different standard than the one they apply to all others.

  • Tommykey

    The Bhagavad Gita and the Dhammapadda predate the Bible, and yet they are still read and treasured by millions of people today.

    In his “Histories”, the Greek historian Herodotus makes no mention of the people of Israel, though he does find the time to note that the people of Colchis might be related to the Egyptians because they both have woolly hair. If the Israelites were really the chosen people of the Creator of the Universe who were supposed to be a light to all nations, then why didn’t Herodotus say anything about them?

  • Kphilp

    After reading what the creationist wrote, I’m feeling vaguely sick. If someone believed a simple story or game as seriously as he believes Christianity, they’d be in mental therapy faster than one could say neural imbalance.

  • Infophile

    After reading what the creationist wrote, I’m feeling vaguely sick. If someone believed a simple story or game as seriously as he believes Christianity, they’d be in mental therapy faster than one could say neural imbalance.

    Which brings to mind the saying: “What’s the difference between a madman, a cult, and a religion? The number of people holding those same crazy beliefs.”

  • J

    “…would be among the first to scream persecution if some group announced the boycott of any music played by Christians.”

    Verily. If there’s a musical group worth boycotting, I would definitely say it’s Creed.

  • Chris Hallquist

    But that which happens “behind the scenes” in the practice of homosexuality of which intentionally few are aware is always carefully and strategically guarded from being revealed in matters such as this film targeted at your adolescents (which include at-home teens).

    The conservative obsession with the details of gay sex fascinates me. Do they realize that many people can find out the details without being disgusted/curious to try it (in the case of some Christians, I wonder if it’s the later).

  • Christopher

    If you believe those rumors about Paul Crouch and office aid, then perhaps a number of christians are more curious about this lifestyle than they would admitt…

  • elfstone

    Maybe let them know that Alan Turing, whose work made computers possible, was gay. Maybe they should start hand writing those reviews and passing them door to door. People could use such entertainment!

  • Adam A.

    When I first saw the CAP website I thought it was a joke. Literally. I couldnt fathom the idea of someone seriously doing this. I guess I was wrong :)
    Here is the response to the email I sent him for your reading pleasure.
    The bible is just an insightful piece of literature written by human beings.

    It is the holy and inerrant inspired Word of God.

    I believe that the MEN that wrote the bible were deeply spiritual, seeking to understand their idea of God from the perspective of a bronze age culture.

    Yes, MEN put pen to paper. But they did not engineer the words. God did. Whether you believe it or not. And don’t argue with me about it. Argue with God. He will give you a much better and more permanent answer than I ever could.

    They were not infallible.

    Then by your argument God is fallible.

    The best example of this so called divine word of God is that there is no repudiation of human bondage.

    Now you speak to era-specific matters. Incest was not sinful in the Beginning either. You need to expand the score of your thinking.

    The Apostle Paul advised in 1st Corinthians that slaves faithfully serve their masters. This is the justification for slavery that was used in the antebellum old south, and led directly to the most horrific war in our nations history.

    “Nation’s.” And it was the Japanese leaders who led us directly into the most horrific war in our nation’s history. But then, if you speak to the Jews, it was Hitler.

    The belief of fundamentalist Christians is that the bible is a literal document is wrong thinking.

    Men corrupted the concept of slavery. Not God. Much the same as we corrupted “suffer not a witch to live”, ignoring that “not to live” meant not among them. The “slavery” to which you refer and on which you so earnestly try to rely for argumentative victory was paid servitude much like a butler or maid. It seems you are grasping for straws borne of failure to read just the words and not the Word to defend your “wrong thinking.” Or borne of Religion-101 or World Religion-601.

    If you don’t bring your religious views

    I am not a “religious” man. I am Christian. Too much “churchianity” or “religianity” in modern organized religion. “Churchianity” and “religianity” might be described as a system of worship and obedience doctrines which satisfy man but any adherence to the teachings and expectations of Jesus is coincidental, superficial, or counterfeited.

    out of the bronze age you are doomed to repeat all the failures of history.

    Or successes. And that you claim my platform is in the bronze age does not make it so. But it rather does say something about you. Also, I suspect that what you would call failures were not.

    I will not play ping pong with this, son. I will see your email in our inbox no more.


    Well, he was right about one thing, he is not a religous man, he’s an incest defending supremist. People like this are the ones that kill in the name of God or look the other way when others do.

  • Dookers

    Oh god, I hate CAP Alert’s site. Messed up my thinking back when I was twelve, when I first discovered it. Made me bowdlerize a roleplay I have with a friend for fear of Tom Calder reading it and hating on it. The site made me hate myself and never want to do anything but read fundie sites because it made me feel stupid. Made me feel worthless, like a demon, and it corrupted my sense of reason for six or so months until I brought it back somehow by becoming interested in anime and reading sites like Pocky Box, and through my wonderful social-studies teacher.

    Things I find annoying about CAP Alert are:

    • their using gays as scapegoats for almost everything, Satan (who I picture more as a “God hates me, watch me slit my wrists”-type figure than anything else if he does exist) also, and sometimes even deducting points from their “Sexual Immorality” section solely due to an openly gay actor / actress or to a song by an openly gay person playing.
    • On one of the pages in the “SAD (Sex Ed, ABC, and Disney)” section, Tom talks of how he would have added an image of Mickey Mouse wearing an earring on his right ear if he couldn’t get sued for it, which sounded somewhat mean-spirited and “HAW HAW LYK LOL F4GS R MICKEY DISNEY R F4GGG DISCRIMNATE HA8 ON 4 NO RESON LOLOLOLOL”-ish to me.
    • how Tom Calder spends a ton of his time writing for CRAP Alert while his wife is forced to take care of 30-something adopted kids. How rude and chauvinistic is that?!
    • their insistence in their “Back-To-School Special” article that parents must overreact over their kid having something with a peace sign on it because apparently any non-cross symbol is of the devil. And yin-yangs, and the all-seeing-eye thing on the back of the dollar bill (yet he most likely uses dollars with it on them to buy movie tickets for himself). Talk about invasion of privacy and hypocriteness in the last part.
    • they believe other fundies when they say things like “Harry Potter are evil for junxtaposing morals with magic and made-up creatures [Totally Random Bible Quote 7:77]“. My mom thought that Harry Potter was evil at first, until she actually began to actually read the books and fell in love with them. Contradicted when CAP reviewed that “We Are Family” video thingy that other fundies condemned just because SpongeBob was shown in there and SpongeBob acts gay towards Patrick.
    • their talking on and on about “His expectations for the movie industry” when God cannot possibly watch movies and all 6.something billion people in this world at once! And all the events in the Bible took place around two thousand years ago and before that. The Old Testament of the Bible’s a historical document with old laws (that sometimes change within it), myths, and writing out history and commands to people, and the New Testament’s writings about the life of Jesus Christ, his philosophies, and his disciples’ lives and what they went on to do. Following everytihng in there at once is incredibly restricting and is being somewhat ignorant of history.
    • And where does the Bible refer to “the most foul of the foul words”?! Is that in the currently undiscovered Book of Tom Calder or what? People didn’t speak English then, so therefore they didn’t say the F word then. Besides, the line in there referrign to what comes out of the mouth defiling could also refer to spitting in public, not necessarily swearing, though CRAP Alert certainly defiled my brain for aeveral months.
    • The whole “Drugs / Alcohol” section when the Bible doesn’t mention drugs to my knowledge. eople were pretty ignorant about drugs back then, in particular people in the Biblical Lands, though they were probably there. Talk about the Lost Book of Tom Calder there again.
  • There’s one section that says that movies teach us teenagers “pansexualism”, which means having sex with everything. Boys, girls, animals, the sky, the sun, the moon, trees, insects, etc….. Was Tom Calder trying to sound more intelligent by using a less-often-used word than “promiscuity” (which’d make more sense)?
  • Yup, the subject of Tom deducting points for showing / hinting at married couples having sex is weird. Also for possibly-unintended panty shots in live-action movies when people are falling.
  • the whole thing, which assumes that teenagers are unintelligent things that’ll commit random sin after random sin unless they’re imprisoned every waking moment of their lives by fundies. Since I’ve done way too much studying on fundies and stuff after CRAP Alert, I came across a webpage on a philosophy that children were beasts to control that apparently a lot of people thought in the past, though perhaps CAP Alert may also have an extreme version of this philosophy, which is less unusual, especially among fundies.
    • the page on CRAP Alert called “E-Mail We Get” tries to make teenagers sound intoxicated by censoring every other word and yelling at it as to challenge us to fight, or perhaps to end a fight on a bitter note that leaves the more sensitive of us crying. That’s just plain nasty and rude, whether or not Tom’ll claim God commanded such senseless poorly-disguised ridicule or not.
    • belittling teenagers’ desire for independence, thinking they should somehow not be irritated by adults invading their privacy and making unfair rules even when they do. It’s not like that desire comes from the media. And also, whenever Tom Calder’d deduct points for “I can’t get enough, no matter what ‘it’ is” really just sounds like he’s being nasty and belittling peoples’ desires. No one should be told that their own dreams and their own wants are unimportant like that, sicne it makes them feel like slaves.
    • On one page of the site, Tom Calder claims that his life revolves around (INSERT CROSS HERE), that he loves everyone (disproved by every single time he mentions gays. Love people the way they are, dangit!), and that everyone whose life doesn’t revole around (INSERT CROSS HERE) revoles around themself, which ain’t true. I mean, don’t some peoples’ lives revolve around another person, and is this somehow evil?! Not everyone’s an arrogant arsehole like ya think, Tommy, and denying that you, Fundie Man, are yourself is being a hypocrite!
    • Tom Calder even deducted points for portraying kids as learning apparently “morally invisible” behaviors in some movie called Belly he didn’t watch in its entirety for it apparently being a huge sinfest for the ten minutes he watched it, even though I hadn’t even heard of Belly before CRAP Alert.
  • complaining in the review of the first Harry Potter movie (I think it ewas that review…) randomly of how shows like I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, and sabrina the Teenage Witch only ever came about from “God being removed from public schools”. First of all, public schools shouldn’t focus only on one religion, because that’s for private schools. Second of all, Bewitched and Jeannie came out in the 1960′s, and the 60′s came after a time period when women were suppressed, black people got water hoses fired at them, and everyone was worried about communists taking over. Third of all, Jeannie is a show about a genie, no about witchcraft. And fourth of all, they’re all ust TV shows, and hardly anyone dabbles into the occult because of shows where magic happens when you move a certain body part, and even less people practice magic because of an old show about a genie.
  • thinking that Tom Calder is the most perfect human being in the world, and thinking that he somehow magically does not make Christians look bad. He also thinks that the more mild, reasonable Christians are bad for apparently “perverting God’s Word”. It’s called interpreting it differently, eejit.
  • …….Did I mention the whole thing repulses me now?!
  • Yup, you guessed right. I have a burning hate for CAP Alert, embittered by them. CRAP Alert and other similar fundie sites I found links to taught me that some people choose to become ignorant on everything, and that reason and instincts can become overrided by preaching the ‘right’ lines to mold a person the ‘right’ way. Basically, it brainwashed me for a bit. CAP Alert was addictive at a drug level — it sucked out my soul and very sense of being, it chewed me up and spit me out. Good thing I became addicted during the sumer time, so I couldn’t embarrass myself through spewing out fundie words memorized more than I did. And, even though fundies claim that you should only worry about what God tihnks of you, CAP Alert made it appear that God was more judging, more bitter than any human there is. How does that make people less self-conscious, when it’ll only make them more?!?

    Now it makes me wonder what does Tom Calder let his kids do, other than watch the few movies getting a G-equivalent “wisdom” score? Does he even let them breathe??! And how come he’s allowed to adopt kid after kid after kid when he already has thirty-two or so taken care of crappily? Is there some sort of underground fundie adoption agency where they steal kids from regular orphanages and sell them to fundies (yup, I know it sounds like a conspiracy thory, but it isn’t that far-fetched compared to other theories about non-fundies that fundies make up)?!? If so, then I’d like to hear about it. I also typed out most of this from the top of my head, since I refuse to ever visit the site ever again since people willingly being ignorant makes me irritated.

    Oh, and Tom Calder and God are two separate beings, though, through CAP Alert, I began to think of Tom Calder as God from his implying that he’s so. Damn man needs to gain some reason, and he needs to understand kids and teenagers, understand that the world ain’t black and white. Fundies only see a ton of black and little dots of white here and there, and it makes me kind of sick.

  • Amber

    I can’t stand the way he thinks animals cant feel and that people arent animals. In almost every animal movie reviews (such as “good boy” and “firehouse dog”) he goes on a huge rant about how “inferior” he thinks other types of animals are to humans. In one of my emails to him I said “other animals” when I reffered to non-human animals, and then in his response he goes “you mean animals, not “other” animals, for man is not an animal”. Honelstly, I think i knew what I meant when i said it!

    and when i said “i never remember anything in the bible saying that animals dont have souls.” he responds saying “neither have you read that they do”. Well then, according to him, his opinion is also invalid because if I can’t assume one way, why can he just assume the other?

    I just can’t stand it when I talk to religious people and they try to tell me all this bullshit about what they think they know about animals. I’ve been raising horses all my life, so its obvious that I know more about animals than someone who has never had any experience with them and has only been told about them at church. If they beleive some ranting old man over me then theyre ignorant. It’s just like how he bashes the theory of evolution. I’m sure the scientists know more about the theory (and therefore understand it better) than someone who has only been fed a bunch of biased opinions at church. Bottom line is you have to take the word of experienced people to get the truth, not be brainwashed at church.

    I could go on forever about all the other things on his site that anger me, but that would take forever. I feel sorry for his kids. Seriously I do. I can’t imagine living in a home where there you can’t have your own opinion about anything. Hell, he probably ignores his teens because he thinks that they all are crazy and they all have invalid opinions because of their age (unless they agree with him).

  • Dookers

    Living with Cappyman is probably worse than living in Hell. And I like being irreverent, thank you very much Mr. Tom Carder….. *narrows eyes*

    And he puts all his faith in the Bible, dammit. The Bible is not a good scientific report / study for condemning so much and being so ancient. People in the past used dangerous medicines made from mercury and lead and also bloodlet to try and get better from this and that.

    And Amber, I’d like to hear about what else angers you. Maybe even create a page or two about the site, and hope it gets on Google. Someone’s age does not mean invalid opinions necessarily — it all depends on how knowledgable the person is or how sheltered and how much shit has been put into their head. Naturally, Cappyman is not likely raising any scholars with him, since scholars, as opposed to brainwashed conform-bots, actually need to know things about the outside world down there on the ground rather than inside some crappy preacher’s trailer…(I always pictured Cappyman’s house as a large white trailer with one bathroom….)

    And the pages in his site map only reveal how homophobic he is! Homophobic people aren’t as different from racists as fundies seem to tihnk.

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