A Moment of Levity

I usually talk about heavy subjects on this weblog, but sometimes it’s nice to shift gears and have a laugh. Here’s one of my favorites, from an old post on the Usenet newsgroup alt.atheism:

While on a business trip to Rome, the CEO of Tyson Foods manages to be granted an audience with the Pope at the Vatican. After receiving the papal blessing, he says to the Holy Father, “Your Holiness, I’ve come with a business proposition for you. Tyson Foods is prepared to donate 100 million dollars to the church if you’ll change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken’”.

Taken aback, the Pope responds, “My son, we cannot do that. The prayer is the word of God. It must not be changed from how it is written in the holy scriptures.”

“Well,” says the Tyson man, “we anticipated your reluctance. For this reason, we’ll increase our offer to 300 million dollars. All we require is that you change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken’”.

Again, the Pope replies, “It is simply not in our power, my son. As I have said, this prayer represents the immutable word of God and cannot be changed under any circumstance. Not one jot or tittle may be altered.”

Finally, the Tyson president says, “Your Holiness, we at Tyson Foods respect your adherence to your faith, but we do have one final offer. We will donate 500 million dollars — that’s half a billion dollars — to the great Roman Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken’. You don’t have to give your final answer now, but please consider it.” With that, he leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals. “There is some good news,” he announces, “and some bad news. The good news is that the Church is about to come into 500 million dollars.” “And what is the bad news, Holy Father?” asks a Cardinal.

The Pope replies, “We’re losing the Wonder Bread account.”

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About Adam Lee

Adam Lee is an atheist writer and speaker living in New York City. His new novel, Arc of Fire, is available in paperback and e-book. Read his full bio, or follow him on Twitter.


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