The Twitter Report: The Secret Purpose of Twitter

I probably shouldn’t have said this in public, but now that the cat’s out of the bag, I might as well tell you all as well.

It all started a few days ago with a question about what the median number of Twitter followers is among active accounts. It turns out to be surprisingly low – less than 100 – and people with just 1000 followers are in the 96th percentile. This prompted me to make the following observation:

PZ rejoindered that even being in the top 1% would still put you among a vast horde, and that’s when I made the crucial slip-up.

Well, thanks to my loose tongue, the damage was done. The only thing to do at that point, I thought, was to be completely candid with everyone:

Several people raised questions about this, so the following day I had to post a followup:

I hope this resolves any remaining questions. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have the Illuminati on the other line, and I have to do some fast talking – they’re pretty upset with me for disclosing the space-ark thing, as you can imagine. But as long as I don’t reveal the even more secret connection between Reddit upvotes and the kraken-proof dome cities on the ocean floor, I’m pretty sure I can smooth things over…

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About Adam Lee

Adam Lee is an atheist writer and speaker living in New York City. His new novel, Arc of Fire, is available in paperback and e-book. Read his full bio, or follow him on Twitter.