Robert O’Brien Nominee: Ellis Washington

This one from the oracle of absurd is particularly amusing:

During the 1700s, America called them Loyalists, humanists, the Enlightened, Jacobins. During the 1880s-1930s, America called them Darwinists, Marxists, populists, secularists, socialists, atheists, progressives. During the red scare of the 1940s and ’50s, America called them socialists, unionists, communists and communist sympathizers. During the 1960s, America called them liberals, baby boomers, hippies, yippies, radicals, anarchists, community organizers, or red diaper doper babies.

During the ’70s, America called them Black Panthers, terrorists, bra-burners, gays, green anarchists, secularists, or simply traitors Whatever one calls members of the Democratic Party coalition, one enduring leitmotiv is crystal clear – those who embraced socialism were all fascists, or at least fascist sympathizers, and their progeny rules today in both parties in all three branches of government – legislative, executive, judiciary.

Yes, of course. Gays, terrorists, secularists, humanists and baby boomers are all the same thing and all fascists. When someone says something that stupid, it really ought to cause physical pain.

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  • dingojack

    And Mr Washington went on to say:

    “Of course I’m a brain-dead moron who is so full of shit I am forced to either speak (and thus vomit my own faecal matter) or run the distinct danger of exploding. That fuckwads actually believe the egregious idiocy that I spew forth is simply a testament to the gullibility of teabagging fundie assholes.”*


    * Or at least that’s what I imagine he might have thought about considering beginning to possibly utter (at some stage or another, and not necessarily at the same time, words or order) AND THAT’S EXACTLY THE SAME AS A DIRECT QUOTE DON’TCHAKNOW.

    (Also known as the Washington Method of ‘Yornalizm’)

  • matty1

    It’s like he opened a history book at the index and copied it down. Very few of those groups are connected and I suspect some would have hated each other.

    Also did anyone really us the phrase red daiper doper babies?

  • joeina2

    This is actually a really insightful quote, even if Washington doesn’t realize it.

    He’s basically saying that throughout history there is a section of society which chooses to demonize people with new ideas by attempting to associate them with whatever is the scariest thing they can think of. If they can’t be tied it with one of the already existing societal demons, they’ll just make the noun of those people a curse word itself. They do this rather than actually confront those new ideas with critical thought and an open mind. They don’t want to engage in anything which threatens their world view or comfort, no matter who might be helped or what catastrophes might be averted or lies replaced by truth.

    Basically, they’re cowards. Selfish cowards at that.

  • keithb


    google it, you will find that there is an urban dictionary entry for it. Surprised me, too.

  • Budbear

    Washington wins this award so often it should be retired and given to him permanently. Start a new award and call it the Ellis Washington Booby Prize.

  • “Very few of those groups are connected and I suspect some would have hated each other.”

    I’m pretty sure that the anarchists despised the liberals, that the fascists tried to kill the communists, that the Black Panthers would have scratched their heads if you called them Darwinists, and that the Loyalists would have hated the Jacobins had they not been separated by several decades and a major ocean, and on and on…

    It’s just a hodgepodge of disconnected political beliefs, movements, and philosophies. And some of them are just right-wing slurs, not actual identifiable groups.

    And then at the end he rounds them all up and declares them all adherents of “fascism”, which was a specific early 20th century right-wing political movement. He would have saved some time had he wrote, “liberals are responsible for everything bad; conservatives for everything good.”

  • John Hinkle

    America called them…

    What I want to know is, who is America, and how did he get to live so long?

    Could it be… oh, I don’t know… can’t think of anyone offhand… SATAN?!?!?!!!1!!!1!111

  • Nemo

    The most offensive part to me was lumping in “Loyalists” with “humanists” and “the Enlightened”. As if the American Revolution weren’t led by Enlightenment humanists. But this is essential to his mythology, in which the Am. Rev. was somehow a conservative one (and the only good revolution ever), intended to establish a Christian Republic.

  • What I want to know is, who is America, and how did he get to live so long?

    Maybe he’s referring to “America” Vespucci. Obviously, reports of his death in 1512 have been greatly exaggerated.

  • Aquaria

    Notice how he leaves out that majority of the 19th century, 1800-1879. I seem to recall the Democratic Party being rather different than it is now. In fact, at one point, say, the 1840s-1860s, they were decidedly on a certain side of a a major national issue that eventually fractured the country.

    So, El Wash, did you leave it off because you and your likewise hysterically stupid and bigoted teabaggers are so much like the Dems circa 1840s-1860s, or is it because you don’t want to jinx your own similar plans to tear apart the country with stupidity, religious nitwittery, hatred and bigotry? I mean, reminding yourselves about how people like you got their asses kicked from here to kingdom come does kinda give you pause, and that just won’t do for your Master Race–er, master plan, huh? Oops! Did I give away your actual influence? Don’t worry, you can just pretend I didn’t say it, like you do everything else about reality.

  • ouabache

    Ellis Washington would be able to recognize fascism if it put a boot up his ass.

  • quantheory

    I hate those damned anarchist fascists. All zero of them.

  • coryat

    …poopy heads, scientists, queers, queens, people who don’t flush the toilet, rascals, loafs, brutes, tyrants, Bertrand Russelists, [is this enough words yet ed.?]

  • matty1


    Ellis Washington may be a fucktard but just going by the picture on his article I’m going to hazard a guess he isn’t a fan of the master race. He more likely avoids the 1840’s to 60’s because it would be an obvious example of conservatism being against his own interests and trying to think that through is too difficult.

  • Woof

    When someone says something that stupid, it really ought to cause physical pain.

    What? It doesn’t do that for you?

  • He forgot to mention fundamentalist Islam and the homosexual agenda. It’s all Satan, don’t you know!