Dana Hunter Knows Puns

Fellow FTBer Dana Hunter has a way with a pun:

Which, I think, just goes to prove that geologists don’t just rock, they are very gneiss, not to mention the schist.

Do I love puns? Of quartz I do. Have you heard the one about Ghandi?

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  • Blondin

    There once was a Hindu named Ghandi

    Who when in the bar for a shandy.

    With his great loin cloth

    He wiped off the froth

    And the Barman said, “Blimey, that’s handy!”

    Not a pun, I know…

  • Randomfactor

    All the geologists I know still have faults. Many are obsessed with cleavage.

  • Nibi

    You have to be igneous not to marble at how lime these puns are.

  • badandfierce

    Us geologists are like that. Especially when allowed near a screen printing job. Department T-shirts I particularly liked:

    1. Why date men when you can date rocks?

    2. Geologists are gneiss with perfect cleavage.

    …Women’s college, you see.

  • Randomfactor

    I actually dated a geologist once. She thought I took her for granite, though. ‘Spar for my life.

  • Abby Normal

    While struggling to free India from the British the great man and religious leader, Ghandi, walked in many marches, often without shoes. He also resorted to hunger fasts to protest their occupation, which damaged his health and even caused horrendous bad breath. On other words…

    Ghandi was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

  • Sadie Morrison

    Have you heard the one about Ghandi?

    Do tell.

  • Then there’s the one about the three-legged dog who walked into a bar, jumped on a stool and said, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

    And the one about a big chess tournament being held at a hotel. During a break, the players were standing in the lobby and bragging to one another about how good they were at chess. After a while the hotel manager came out and told them they had to leave. One of the players said, “Why? What are we doing wrong?” The manager replied, “If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a bunch of chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

  • fastlane

    And Abby Normal wins one sniny internets!

    I’ll have to remember that one.

  • Incidentally, Dana sends along this link that discusses the science of what makes a pun funny.


  • Nibi

    The town of Earl Grey, England is historically famous for having the first woman mayor. She was respected and adored for her wise and even-handed decisions. So popular was she among the people that her leadership lasted nearly forty years. However towards the end, due perhaps to dementia, her decision making became increasingly irrational and erratic. The townspeople were finally forced to replace her. “The Earl Grey mayor she ain’t what she used to be” was the talk around town.

    (hey, somebody had to go for the groan)

  • Abby Normal #6 I’m stealing that! Once I recover.

  • Just Visiting

    Ghandi was a pretty good wit, himself. When asked by a reporter what he thought about Western Civilization, he replied, “It would be a pretty good idea!”

  • Gandhi. Not Ghandi.

  • Abby Normal

    I may sound precocious, but I stole it too. Just like these…

    Halloween’s coming up. What do you get when you divide a Jack-o-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi.

    Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.

    One says to the other, “Are you all right?”

    “No, I lost an electron.”

    “Are you sure?”

    “Yeah, I’m positive.”

    One last one, as it seems particularly appropriate for this blog. I believe in the heat death of the Universe. I’m a Kelvinist.

  • abb3w

    …so, a pun is funny if you have the proper pitchblende?

  • Abby Normal

    Incidentally, Dana sends along this link that discusses the science of what makes a pun funny.


  • subbie

    There is a monastery on an island in the south Pacific where the monks have taken a vow of near silence. They only speak twice a day. Each day begins with morning worship. The service starts when the Abbot comes in and chants, “Good morning monks.”

    The monks chant in reply, “Good morning, Abbot.”

    They say not another word until evening vespers, when the Abbot comes in and chants, “Good evening monks.”

    The monks all reply in unison, “Good evening, Abbot.” Not another word is spoken until the next morning.

    One day, one of the monks had a particularly rough night and didn’t get much sleep. He was a bit groggy in the morning, and when the Abbot chanted, “Good morning monks,” all the other monks responded, “Good morning, Abbot”, except the one tired monk who chanted, “Good evening, Abbot.”

    The Abbot was furious. He scanned the rows of monks, trying to determine who had said that. Finally, red in the face, he was able to collect himself sufficiently to say, “Some monk chanted evening. He must be a stranger.”

  • cottonnero

    I think it’s because we don’t typically have ‘dh’ in English, but ‘gh’ is relatively common.

    Which fails to explain ‘Ghengis Kahn’, but whatever.

  • amadan

    Puns are like flatulence. The pressure to release one into company is inversely proportional to the appropriateness of the occasion. And the pleasure so derived is a function of the distress caused to bystanders.

  • Incidentally, Dana sends along this link that discusses the science of what makes a pun funny.

    The look on the person’s face who told it, after you’ve punched them.

  • JustaTech

    Certain old sedimentary deposits,

    Can move pure paleontologists,

    To jaunty celebrations

    Prodigious excavations

    And madly preposterous postulates!

    (A mnomic for the geological ages.)

  • bybelknap

    There was a very successful doctor whose practice had become too large for him to handle alone, but he was rather self-obsessed, so didn’t want to take on a partner, after all, it was he to whom patients flocked. So he determined to have himself cloned.

    The clone was nearly perfect, however, it had a rather dreadful habit of making foul mouthed passes at female patients. The original confronted his clone with the transgressions, and was treated to a stream of verbal abuse. Enraged, the doctor pushed his duplicate out the window and he descended twenty stories and splattered on the pavement below.

    This was the very first obscene clone fall.

  • cactusren

    For the minerologists out there…what do you call the high pressure polymorph of SiO2?


  • dingojack

    Rock puns are OK, but I prefer sardonyx. – Dingo

  • Azkyroth

    It turns out that Lake Baikal, in Russia, which contains about 20% of the planet’s fresh water supply, also has a native species of freshwater seal. These seals are the top predators in the Lake Baikal ecosystem, feeding mainly on various fish species, and as such are subject to bioaccumulation. Some kinds of toxins build up in the bodies of animals, and predatory animals, due to consuming the bodies of other animals, tend to build up much higher levels than animals lower on the food chain. As such, the overall health of the Lake Baikal seal population can be an indicator of the toxin level and quality of the fish in Lake Baikal.

    Or, in other words, Lake Baikal fish are like the jars of peanut butter you get in the grocery store: do not use if the seal is broken or missing. :3

  • A neutron walks into a bar.

    The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”

  • Azkyroth

    Also, I had a friend once who wanted to start a band. They had some trouble finding a name they all agreed to on principles, so they wound up using commercial potential as a tiebreaker, and so became the Gametes. Because, hey, sex cells.

  • Gregory

    Not geology related, but still vaguely sciency….

    Three brothers buy a cattle farm, and get into a debate over what to call it. Overhearing the arguing, their father walks over and suggests they name it “Focus Ranch.”

    “Focus?” they asked.

    “Yes. You know, where the sons raise meat.”

  • ManOutOfTime

    Why don’t the poker buddies let the geologist cash in their chips? He gypsum. Why do they let him do the baking? Cuz he gets the pyrite! I made those up – onyx!

  • rahn

    Getting back to geology… and mineralogy…

    Seen in a University of Toronto Mining Building washroom…

    Biotite Gneiss girl and you’ll be cummingtonite in quartz….

  • About a hundred years ago, there was an elderly Englishman called King. He owned a big house in downtown London and right next to it an empty lot, where his visitors would often leave their automobiles. The younger ones would call the place affectionately the Pa King Lot.

    A woman was suspected of counterfeiting money. The prosecutor’s witness, a shopkeeper, explained how she’d paid a few small items with a fifty-euro bill. The prosecutor asked, “Counterfeit?” The witness answered, “No, but she’d have walked funny if she hadn’t had both.”

  • “We don’t serve faster than light particles in here!” The bartender shouted.

    A neutrino walked into a bar.

  • Crudely Wrott

    I still like the one about the constipated jitterbug.

    Yeah. He couldn’t jit.

  • Diane G.

    Certain old sedimentary deposits,

    Can move pure paleontologists,

    To jaunty celebrations

    Prodigious excavations

    And madly preposterous postulates!

    (A mnomic for the geological ages.)

    Camels often sit down carefully. Perhaps their joints creak. Possibly early oiling might prevent premature rusting.

    (Where rusting = “recent.”) I guess we learned different ages. 🙂 Probably reflects my age, alas. Yours is also much catchier. (I’m sure you meant to type mnemonic.)

  • Mal Adapted

    I once met a geology student who was gneiss, tuff and a little bit wacke.

  • A proton walks into a bar, looking a little tipsy.

    Proton: Bartender, get me a drink.

    Bartender: Are you sure you can handle it?

    Proton: I’m positive!

  • dcsohl

    Man, I lava good pun…

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