Pope Palpatine No Like Artificial Insemination

Pope Palpatine I continued his courageous struggle to remain firmly rooted in the 19th century by telling those who have used artificial insemination to have children that they’re arrogant for not just resigning themselves to the fate God had in store for them:

The pope pressed the church ban against artificial procreation, saying infertile couples should refrain from any method to try to conceive other than sex between husband and wife.

“The human and Christian dignity of procreation, in fact, doesn’t consist in a ‘product,’ but in its link to the conjugal act, an expression of the love of the spouses of their union, not only biological but also spiritual,” Benedict said.

He told the science and fertility experts in his audience to resist “the fascination of the technology of artificial fertility. Benedict cautioned the experts against “easy income, or even worse, the arrogance of taking the place of the Creator,” an attitude he indicated underlies the field of artificial procreation.

Next he’ll tell doctors to stop curing diseases that were created by God because to do so would be arrogant.

"Merry Christmas right back! I probably should have put my own smiley to indicate intent ..."

What are Secularists Angry About Now? ..."
"While a grad student, my sister did some work at a lab that had once ..."

Roy Moore Didn’t Lose the Election, ..."
"I think it turns out that a lot of white Alabama is evangelical so it ..."

Roy Moore Goes Down in Flames

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • StevoR

    Shh .. Don’t give him ideas.

    The Catholic Church only acknowledged Galileo was right and apologise dto him a decadeor two ago. That’s not even seventeenth century tyhinking really. They’ve got a lo-oong way to go even as our culture and technology keeps picking up the pace every day.

    (Well in some ways at least. In others it looks too often like two steps forward three steps back, esp. when feeling down.)

    Not sure if they’ve also admitted burning Giordano Bruno at the stake for his heretical beliefs that others stars are suns with worlds of their own (among other things) was wrong ..

  • Reginald Selkirk

    Next he’ll tell doctors to stop curing diseases..

    I believe you are referring to ‘artificial death and disability postponement.’

  • http://www.facebook.com/ZenoFerox Zeno

    The pope’s position implies that my niece is an abomination. Since she’s a devout Catholic, I hope she doesn’t know that Mommy & Daddy got a little assistance in conceiving her. She doesn’t appear to have realized that the pope is an old medieval windbag and it would hurt her feelings to learn what he thinks of her.

  • StevoR

    ^ .. yet.

    Dang-nabbed, gosh-durned typos. Mea culpa. Too late at night in my timezone. Oh well. Y’all get the meaning and gist of it anyhow I hope.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    The Catholic Church only acknowledged Galileo was right and apologised to him a decade or two ago.

    That was done by the previous pope, not Benedict. In 1990, Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, aka Pre-Pope Benedict, was still taking a hard line against Galileo:

    Ratzinger’s 1990 remarks on Galileo

  • MikeMa

    The pope continues to rail against his adherents. No birth control, no abortion of course, approves of playing hide the pedo, now no artificial means to conceive. With the church losing congregants as quickly as the RCC, you’d think he would tone down this crap.

    They are going to have to run a lot more silly ads to get any new faces in the pews.

    StevoR is right as well. How do you rule against one medical procedure and not all of them? Silly, useless god.

  • nemothederv

    When people are leaving your church by the millions is this really a good idea? Seems to go against the whole “Quiverfull” thing.

  • plutosdad

    At first I was confused because aren’t they for having as many babies as possible? But then I realized many older couples who were fertile when young use it to conceive, and he probably wants women to start making babies when very young. So maybe it’s not the artificial part so much as the daring to have a career first part.

  • eric

    Maybe its because souls have a really hard time getting through glass test tubes.


    Next he’ll tell doctors to stop curing diseases that were created by God because to do so would be arrogant.

    Reminds me of the Church’s opposition to Franklin’s lightning rods, using basically the same argument: we can’t presume to stop God, that would be arrogant! Here’s Rev. Thomas Pierce, from a letter to the Boston Gazette, 26 January 1756:

    the great Thing I would now inculcate is ⎯ That everyone would consider seriously the mighty Power of GOD acting in this terrible Substance [electricity], and carefully guard against a vain and dangerous Security [lightning rods] in them: Least, in some way or other . . . [sic] the offended Deity make that in which we trust for Safety to be the very Means of our Destruction in a Moment.

    IOW: God might be throwing the lightning, so we should not put up lightning rods in case he gets ticked off and throws something even worse than lightning at us for erecting them.

  • eric

    Oops, that should be Prince, not Pierce. Don’t know where that came from….

  • lofgren

    So infertility is a gift, not an ailment? I thought we were supposed to go forth and multiply. I’m so confused!

  • Randomfactor

    “The human and Christian dignity of procreation, in fact, doesn’t consist in a ‘product,’ but in its link to the conjugal act,

    It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that schwing?

    Corollary: The dignity is in the act itself, not whether or not a child is conceived. So what’s all this crap about “no contraception?”

  • donalbain

    A man with a massive hat who claims to talk for god tells people not to be arrogant?

  • Trebuchet


    Sex = Bad

    Babies = Good

    Babies without sex, therefore, = Good. No?

    Perhaps he’s concerned that if the parents don’t do something sinful to cause conception, the baby will be born without original sin.

  • jeevmon

    So, is this going to be #11 in the list of things that Catholics are supposed to believe that Senator Frothy Mix rejects because it doesn’t conform to his pre-existing belief structure? If so, does that mean that infertile couples would not be considered legally married in a Frothy Mix administration?

  • http://criticallyskeptic-dckitty.blogspot.com Katherine Lorraine, Chaton de la Mort

    This is just mean. There are probably thousands, if not tens or hundreds of thousands, of young couples who want a baby – but are unable to procreate for some reason or another, and IVF would help them achieve that goal.

    Fuck me, is the Catholic Church trying to show its face as the most evil organization on the planet? It’s almost like they’re the kind of organization that sits in dark rooms with a big conference table, laughing, rubbing their hands together and plotting how they can be more evil.

    “Mwahahaha! What will we do next? Oh, I know, we’ll shit on infertile couples by declaring infertility a gift from God and how arrogant users of IVF are! And tomorrow, we’ll kick a puppy! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *lightning strikes for some reason*”

  • http://drx.typepad.com Dr X

    A man with a massive hat who claims to talk for god tells people not to be arrogant?

    and a golden cane and expensive red Italian loafers.

  • Sastra

    MikeMa #6 wrote:

    With the church losing congregants as quickly as the RCC, you’d think he would tone down this crap.

    I read an article a while back which asserted that statistics showed that the future of the Catholic Church was not to be found in the modern Western areas like the US, Canada, Australia, and countries of Europe. ‘Liberal’ humanist ideas were slowly changing the character of the Church there and members were drifting away. Instead, the places which showed a strong increase in both numbers and commitment were third world countries and non-Western cultures. Africa, Korea, South America, and so forth.

    And in those places — the more superstitious, the better. Even the concept of “superstition” appears to be off the table. Angels, demons, witches, saints, holy water, faith healings, bleeding statues, weeping icons, ritual prayers — and lots and lots of nitpicky little rules and restrictions.

    That’s where the future of the Catholic Church lies. Not with the “Catholics invented science” or “Jesus was a feminist” or “God works through evolution” crowd. With the gullible, simple, simple-minded masses who are kept that way by the Mother Church.

    “No artificial insemination” would appeal to them. They’d like it even better if the Pope added in something about magic days to conceive and gave them a special saint statue to put by the bed.

  • Chiroptera

    As someone who has never understood the driving need that people have to have a baby, I do have to say this:

    it seems a bit hypocritical for the Catholic Church to have been such a large driving force to get people to believe that they absolutely need to have a baby, and then turn around and slap couples for doing what it takes to get that baby.

  • MikeMa


    When they elect an African pope, I’ll believe in magic. Maybe. That would certainly mark the end of the RCC in the still proudly racist US.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    Selkirk: thanks for the link. So this Pope STILL opposed Galileo and heliocentrism as late as 1990?!! Is this a joke?

    Yes, I guess Pope Palpadict really will stoop that low to protect his Church from admitting it was ever wrong about anything. What other purpose can such nonsensical lies serve? The only other answer I can think of is that he’s just too mentally ill to handle reality.

  • Larry

    Why does anyone listen to these old fools? They have absolutely no relevance in the modern world and can expect to play no role in the future.

    They should stick with what they do best: hiding pedophile priests.

  • http://ogremk5.wordpress.com ogremk5

    So, no more seedless fruit? bastard

  • dingojack

    Ratzi prefers inseminating choirboys the old fashioned way!

    There’s nothing quite like the personal touch.


  • lofgren

    I’ve always loved this bit from Inherit the Wind. It applies to so many things in addition to evolution.

    Henry Drummond: Do you think a sponge thinks?

    Matthew Harrison Brady: If the Lord wishes a sponge to think, it thinks!

    Henry Drummond: Does a man have the same privilege as a sponge?

    Matthew Harrison Brady: Of course!

    Henry Drummond: Then this man wishes to have the same privilege of a sponge, he wishes to think!

  • lindahostetler

    But he also says that all sex should be for procreation. So does that mean that couples who have to use artificial insemination must also stop having sex?

  • http://anexerciseinfutility.blogspot.com tommykey

    Funny how the Church only insists on doing things “naturally” when it comes to sex. The Pope and the clergy don’t seem to have any objections to riding in cars or planes, or talking on phones and using e-mail. I bet some of them even use artificial sweeteners.

    They should be consistent and do everything naturally. From now on, if they want to go somewhere, they have to walk or swim. If they want to communicate, they can only do so in person where they can use the natural method of talking.

  • raven

    The RCC bases a lot of their fascistic theology on “natural law”.

    There is no such thing as natural law. It’s just a way of attributing your opinions to a magic sky fairy.

    “If god wanted humans to drive cars, he would have given them built in internal combustion engines and wheels.”

    Ed Brayton: “Next he’ll tell doctors to stop curing diseases that were created by God because to do so would be arrogant.”

    Some xians actually do believe in faith healing. They end up dying a lot faster than us and sometimes kill their kids.

  • raven

    Why does anyone listen to these old fools? They have absolutely no relevance in the modern world and can expect to play no role in the future.

    Virtually no one does, including Catholics. In relevant cohorts, 98% of Catholic women use birth control.

    Among the very few who do is…Rick Santorum. And look what happened to him. Guy is an amoral psycho with a seriously warped personality.

  • twincats

    It makes perfect sense to me. If you can’t use artificial means to end a pregnancy cuz gawd doesn’t like it, you can’t use artificial means to start one cuz gawd doesn’t like that, either.

    Put another way, if you’re okay with infertility treatments, you should be fine with abortion as well. If you’re not, you are a hypocrite, plain and simple.

  • frog

    Wait, I thought their god was all-powerful? If he doesn’t want you to be pregnant, surely the process wouldn’t work? Some percentage of IVF attempts do fail; shouldn’t true believers take that as a sign? God says “okay” and makes a successful IVF implantation when he’s feeling good about it, and says “Nuh-uh” and makes it fail when he really, really has a reason to keep a couple childless.

    For folks who believe in a mythical man in the sky, they really lack imagination.

    Also, this: “…but in its link to the conjugal act, an expression of the love of the spouses of their union…” I’m fairly certain that a chaste fellow (at least in theory) is unlikely to have overmuch understanding of what the conjugal act is an expression of.

  • naturalcynic


    Perhaps he’s concerned that if the parents don’t do something sinful to cause conception, the baby will be born without original sin.

    Can’t happen. Some guy has to jerk off in a doctors office looking at sexy pictures. That’s gotta be a really nasty sin.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    lofgren #11: So infertility is a gift, not an ailment?

    Yes, just like a rape-induced pregnancy.

    Raging Bee #21: Is this a joke?

    Yes, but it’s what I call a true joke.

  • interrobang

    I’ve got issues with IVF, too. First of all, there are entirely too many people around as it is. (Money where mouth is — don’t have kids, don’t want kids, not gunna do it, wouldn’t be prudent.)

    Secondly, I’m an adoptee, and I’m sick to death of the prevailing cultural attitude (thanks again, Pope Palpatine) that the only kids who actually ever count are people’s biological children, and anybody who adopts is settling, and, by extension, all of us adoptees are just factory seconds or something. Every reproductive technology just pushes us further along that continuum, because it has basically become conventional wisdom that of course everyone would rather go through rounds and rounds of expensive, time-consuming, body-changing fertility treatments than even try to adopt. I’ll admit adoption isn’t as easy as it used to be, but still.

    I’ve actually been told, to my face that of course my parents must love my sister more than they love me, because she’s their biological daughter and “they can’t help it,” and so on. The person who told me this was a flying-saucer-Christian wingnut, incidentally. This shit runs deep.

    A friend of mine is currently doing fertility treatments. She told me she’d love to adopt, but her husband is dead set on having one that’s “theirs.” (I haven’t noticed any resistance from her Catholic family, either.) I’m so glad he thinks I’m not actually part of my own family, even though they were the ones who raised me and did all the dirty work, you know, the actual parenting part that counts. Giving birth is relatively easy, compared to what comes after…not that Pope Palpatine knows or cares about that, either.

  • Crudely Wrott

    From Reginald Selkirk’s link in comment 5:

    “Once the relativity of movement is taken for granted, an ancient human and Christian system of reference has no right to interference in astronomic calculations and their heliocentric simplification; however, it has the right to remain faithful to its method of preserving the earth in relation to human dignity, and to order the world with regard to what will happen and what has happened in the world.”

    Well. There’s yer problem right there, Principal Poop.

    You seem to think that human dignity influences the relative motions of the earth, sun, moon, and all the other pretty windows into heaven. That error leads you to worry that if humanity lost its dignity then the earth and the sun will collide (which one hits the other first?) or some other such terrible upsetting of “proper” orbital mechanics will happen.

    I guess you don’t know about the Cassini probe that has been dancing around the planet Saturn and cavorting most lasciviously with her daughters for the last several years. Orbital mechanics, Poop. It works.

    Even as your dignity wavers and fades against the backdrop of the universe, the ideas of Galileo and Copernicus and Newton are steadfast and trustworthy, their employ to our needs and designs being most advantageous and informative, lending dignity to us all by virtue of our growing understanding of the cosmos and our ever increasing artifice to the greater profit of all.