Wingnuts Try New, Dishonest Terminology

Paul Madore and Mike Heath (not to be confused with our own Mike Heath, of course), the deranged bigots working to defeat a referendum to allow same-sex marriage in Maine, have come up with a new term they want everyone to start using — “sodomy based marriage.” Peter LaBarbera is already on board. Here’s part of a new pledge they’re distributing in that state that is just chock full of crazy and stupid:

I pledge that I will:

1. Go to the polls and vote NO on Sodomy Based Marriage in November.

3. Use the term “Sodomy Based Marriage” and avoid the deceptive terms “same sex or gay marriage.”

4. Inform my friends and neighbors that the term “same sex marriage” contains two contradictory terms, and is therefore, illogical, false, and absurd.

5. Marriage is a Covenant that is entered into between two people and is based on a difference in gender; and there can be no moral or legal right to a practice which defies logic, common sense, and the Natural Law itself.

9. Reaffirm the Christian Church’s teaching that a child must never be denied the right to have both a mother and a father. Oppose the hellish doctrine that parents of the same sex make better parents than parents of the opposite sex, an evil doctrine which is now being advanced by the homosexual rights movement.

11. Pray that God will deliver our State and Country from this attack by demonic force, and that marriage between man and woman will be restored to its rightful place of honor, to the glory of Almighty God.

Sodomy, of course, is hardly unique to gay people. Sodomy can mean one of two things: sex not intended for procreation or sexual contact between the genitals and either the mouth or the anus. By the latter definition, the vast majority of married heterosexual couples engage in sodomy from time to time; by the former definition, the vast majority of all sex engaged in by straight couples is sodomy.

The two wingnuts have also formed the No Special Rights PAC, employing that highly dishonest phrase. It’s “special” if gay people want the same rights straight people have.

About Ed Brayton

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    9. Reaffirm the Christian Church’s teaching that a child must never be denied the right to have both a mother and a father.

    I suspect they haven’t thought this one through. If a parent dies, does this mean they would demand the state take the children away from the remaining parent? Or would they force the remaining parent to immediately remarry? – Perhaps if it was the father who died, the mother would be forced to marry the father’s brother.

  • daved

    Oppose the hellish doctrine that parents of the same sex make better parents than parents of the opposite sex, an evil doctrine which is now being advanced by the homosexual rights movement.

    I haven’t seen this one before. I thought that the general argument being made was that it was better for kids to have a family, whether that means two parents of the same sex or of opposite sexes. Guess I’m not up on all the latest wingnut claims. That’s what I depend on Ed for.

  • http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

    Children never being denied the right to have both a mother and a father could also mean the end of prison. After all mom or dad being stuck in prison denies a child the right to one of their parents. Betcha they didn’t consider that. And betcha they’re of the “Throw everyone in jail for life for any crime! The ones we don’t execute of course!” persuasion.

  • http://www.thelosersleague.com theschwa

    3. Use the term “Sodomy Based Marriage” and avoid the deceptive terms “same sex or gay marriage.”

    Using their standard, it seems they would be OK with lesbian marriage(?)

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    Using the words “same-sex marriage” to describe a marriage between people of the same sex is “deceptive?”

    I’d hate to live in their universe. If I’m at their dinner table and need to ask one of them to pass the salt, how would I word my request? I’d probably starve to death just trying to figure that out…

  • http://www.atheist-faq.com JT (Generic)

    So basically the Republicans are trying to increase their Big Government policies to Supermassive Government. Got it.

    You can’t have it both ways. Either it’s small government and people are free to do what they want, or it’s a restrictive tyrannical government.

    So much for “Freedom”

    11. Pray that God will deliver our State and Country from this attack by demonic force,

    I encourage this. I’m all for them distracting themselves from doing anything useful.

  • matty1

    Inform my friends and neighbors that the term “same sex marriage” contains two contradictory terms, and is therefore, illogical, false, and absurd.

    Sex and marriage are contradictory terms?

  • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    Sodomy can mean one of two things: sex not intended for procreation or sexual contact between the genitals and either the mouth or the anus.

    There is a third quite common usage that limits it to anal intercourse specifically (see here, for example). Of course, if you go by this definition then they should have no problem with lesbian marriage, as theschwa points out. And if you take your more expansive definition, then logically they would have to object to a whole lot of straight marriages too. (They might try to wriggle out of that by claiming that while straight marriages often do include sodomy, they’re not based on it.)

  • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    P.S. In what way do they think the terms “same sex marriage” and “gay marriage” are deceptive? It can’t be the inclusion of the word “marriage”, because their new “non-deceptive” term uses that word too.

  • MikeMa

    Morons fighting to be in charge of morals.

    I have a picture of these twisted fucks all pissed off because their wives find talking to their gay hairdresser far more entertaining and enjoyable than talking to them.

    Sorry for the stereotype but the guy who cuts my hair is gay and a hoot to talk to – funny, open, sincere, & honest. Unlike Paul Madore and Mike Heath.

  • http://rockstarramblings.blogspot.com/ Bronze Dog

    So, does this mean we can call fundie marriages “slavery-based marriage?”

    But then again, both “slavery-based marriage” and “traditional marriage” involve a contradiction in terms, since marriage requires consent, while sex slavery and the traditional model of marriage reject consent.

  • aziraphale

    If “same sex marriage” is illogical, false and absurd, so is “Sodomy Based Marriage”, and so is any sentence that presumes it to be meaningful, including “I pledge to go to the polls and vote NO on Sodomy Based Marriage in November.”

  • http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    JT (Generic) “You can’t have it both ways. Either it’s small government and people are free to do what they want, or it’s a restrictive tyrannical government.”

    It’s Small Government for groups large and connected enough (the Popular Majority) to control the Big Government that crushes everyone else. Obviously.

  • _Arthur

    Quite correct. According to the Catholic Church and other scholars, oral sex is Sodomy.

    According to my sources, oral sex is widely practiced in the US of A, both within and outside matrimony.

  • tubi

    Wish I had a sodomy based marriage.

  • coragyps

    “Go to the polls and vote NO on Sodomy Based Marriage in November.”

    I think that this may translate into English as “Don’t vote to re-elect that Muslim Kenyan Socialist Commie Negro in November.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/connorbd BrianX

    You know, the weird bit about this is, as stupid as the term is, it actually doesn’t imply that a marriage is any less legit… not that I’m going to start using it. I don’t have nearly enough sodomy in my life so I can’t.

  • Ryan Jean

    @HGT, #8:

    (They might try to wriggle out of that by claiming that while straight marriages often do include sodomy, they’re not based on it.)

    Except that even that portrayal fails. I have yet to see a single marriage, civil union, or other marriage-like partnership *based* on any definition of sodomy.

    With the exception of a small group of marriages that are based on procreation (usually of the accidental procreation variety), and another group based on forced marriage (muslim world, I’m looking at you…), they’re pretty much always based on at least some level of love and affection and the sex of ANY kind is secondary.

    @Ed:

    …by the former definition, the vast majority of all sex engaged in by straight couples is sodomy.

    And by that definition, any form of contraceptive, the “pull out” method, and even the church’s preferred “rhythm method” is also sodomy. I think we all need to insist that anyone who isn’t a virgin is therefore a sodomite. Every marriage is a sodomy-based marriage!

  • whheydt

    Bronze Dog (@#11) beat me to one thought, but I think a better way to describe what the fundies want is “chattel based marriage”.

    –W. H. Heydt

    Old Used Programmer

  • http://blogingproject.blogspot.com/ Ing: I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream So I Comment Instead

    Reaffirm the Christian Church’s teaching that a child must never be denied the right to have both a mother and a father.

    Oddly they have no fucking problem with fucking over the black community with their culture of incarceration. These fuckers strive for virtual gendercide and pull this? Give me a break.

  • julietdefarge

    Look at your own state laws. You may be surprised to see what is legally defined as sodomy.

  • cptdoom

    I haven’t seen this one before. I thought that the general argument being made was that it was better for kids to have a family, whether that means two parents of the same sex or of opposite sexes. Guess I’m not up on all the latest wingnut claims. That’s what I depend on Ed for.

    I haven’t seen it either, but I wonder if it comes from some researched mentioned during the Prop 8 trial – by the anti-gay marriage side, if you can believe it. Apparently there is some research that adoptive parents, on some measures of child-rearing, are better than natural parents. This is attributed to the higher age and income level of these parents, as well as the additional scrutiny any adoptive parent undergoes. Because gay and lesbian couples adopt at higher rates, one could, if one twisted until resembling a pretzel, extend that to claim the LGBT community is claiming to be better parents – which we’re not.

  • http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    julietdefarge “Look at your own state laws. You may be surprised to see what is legally defined as sodomy.”

    I use it as a checklist. Three more and I get a free movie rental.

  • thalwen

    3. Use the term “Sodomy Based Marriage” and avoid the deceptive terms “same sex or gay marriage.”

    Also use the term “Missionary Position Based Marriage” to avoid the deceptive term “heterosexual marriage.”

    4. Inform my friends and neighbors that the term “same sex marriage” contains two contradictory terms, and is therefore, illogical, false, and absurd.

    The only thing absurd, false and illogical I can parse in this sentence is this guy’s logic.

    5. Marriage is a Covenant that is entered into between two people and is based on a difference in gender; and there can be no moral or legal right to a practice which defies logic, common sense, and the Natural Law itself.

    This sentence hurts my brain, though it does defy logic and common sense. Since when are marriages based on difference in gender. Traditional marriages are property transfers, so I guess that applies sort of. Modern marriages are about love and stuff. Or are there new vows that replace the “love and honour” parts with “I’m marrying you because you got different naughty bits.”

    9. Reaffirm the Christian Church’s teaching that a child must never be denied the right to have both a mother and a father. Oppose the hellish doctrine that parents of the same sex make better parents than parents of the opposite sex, an evil doctrine which is now being advanced by the homosexual rights movement.

    Are we going to round up all the single parents? Take away kids from their relatives and re-assign them? Though we hate big government at the same time? Also, I doubt the Christian idea of hell is filled with loving gay families raising children.

    11. Pray that God will deliver our State and Country from this attack by demonic force, and that marriage between man and woman will be restored to its rightful place of honor, to the glory of Almighty God.

    Please do – as there’s likely no god. If there is a god, you’re giving it some quality lulz.

  • http://rockstarramblings.blogspot.com/ Bronze Dog

    Bronze Dog (@#11) beat me to one thought, but I think a better way to describe what the fundies want is “chattel based marriage”.

    –W. H. Heydt

    Old Used Programmer

    Yeah, I think you’re right. “Chattel based marriage” does sound better. It’s an accurate description, and I think it rolls off the tongue more easily. It deals with viewing people as property directly. Being derived from “cattle” also conveys an image of livestock breeding, which also fits one trend with fundies: Treating women as non-sapient animals who exist solely for breeding.

  • slc1

    Re cptdoom @ #22

    Because gay and lesbian couples adopt at higher rates,

    What about cases like Mary Cheney where one of the lesbian partners has given birth to her children, where no adoption is required?

  • slc1

    Re thalwen @ #

    Are we going to round up all the single parents? Take away kids from their relatives and re-assign them?

    Somebody ought to ask this asshole if he would be in favor of taking Mary Cheney’s 2 children away from her. The former vice-president might have something to say about that and it might involve some off color language.

  • dingojack

    So Mary, mother of Jesus, wasn’t really married, well not until Joeseph (or someone else perhaps) got down to business anyway.

    [/fundie ‘logic’]

    Dingo

  • http://aceofsevens.wordpress.com Ace of Sevens

    there can be no moral or legal right to a practice which defies logic, common sense, and the Natural Law itself.

    Actually, this sounds like lots of rights. For instance, one has the right to free speech, even if what one says is illogical, nonsensensical and aginst human nature. Madore and Heath should be pretty familiar with this one.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Sodomy is so, like, retro… 😉

    For a more modern statement, homophobos would be much better off to decry tea-bagging-based marriages.

  • Doug Little

    Can we crank up the disappearance machine, I sure would like these fuckwits to go away for good.

    Oppose the hellish doctrine that parents of the same sex make better parents than parents of the opposite sex, an evil doctrine which is now being advanced by the homosexual rights movement.

    so doctrine = facts, I didn’t know that we were equating… Oh wait, they really do believe that doctrine is fact, so they are either saying that gay parents do make better parents or doctrine is a load of crap.

  • http://www.atheist-faq.com JT (Generic)

    I currently live in Maine. I was disappointed when we overturned the law that allowed gay marriage.

    But it was overturned only BARELY. Even the degree that it’s currently supported is remarkable.

    Even if they vote down the referendum again. This is inevitable. Truely inevitable.

  • kagekiri

    Also use the term “Missionary Position Based Marriage” to avoid the deceptive term “heterosexual marriage.”

    Nah, not specific enough for their brand of nuts. I vote for “Penis-ejaculating-into-a-vagina-for-the-sole-purpose-of-procreation-and-God’s-glory-based marriage”. Shorten it to PEIAVFTSPOPAGG-based marriage.

    5. Marriage is a Covenant that is entered into between two people and is based on a difference in gender; and there can be no moral or legal right to a practice which defies logic, common sense, and the Natural Law itself.

    Logic and common sense say if you’re not hurting anyone, you can do what makes you happy. And logically, marriage just isn’t hurt or diminished by gay people participating in their own covenants with each other and having consensual sex.

    Natural Law, huh? I guess all those animals that hump anything are just acting according to the Natural Law God gave them, too, or the many animals that practice having many different sexual partners, or the animals that rape females of their species, or species where females kill the male after mating, or animals that masturbate or have sex for pleasure, and especially animals that have homosexual sex.

    Oh wait, we’re far beyond relying on nature to decide whether something is good (natural bad things: crapping outside, sleeping outside, having untreatable diseases or congenital defects, dying during childbirth, dying young, dying to simple infections, etc), and even if we did rely on nature, homosexuality and polyamory entirely natural. What a non-argument.

  • Uncle Glenny
  • Chuck

    there can be no moral or legal right to a practice which defies logic, common sense, and the Natural Law itself.

    Religion defies all logic, common sense, and natural laws. Oops.

  • llewelly

    Uh-oh. What about all those good Christian young people, practicing sodomy as an alternative to “real sex”, keeping themselves pure for Jesus and their future spouse? Won’t they be confused by this new terminology?

  • pacal

    “Sodomy Based Marriage”, really?! Well then they should have no problem with me calling their marriages “Intercourse Based Marriage” or perhaps more bluntly C*** F**king Based Marriage”.

  • dingojack

    Xtian “Cunt fucking” Marriages.

    Well guess who is assumed to be the ‘active’ or ‘dominate’ partner in this relationship.

    This transposition of terms is very revealing of the implied general mentality of fundies.

    @@

    Dingo

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