Satan Controls All Liberals

In his latest idiotic rant, Bryan Fischer says that liberals are dupes of Satan because we believe in a free society rather than the theocratic dystopia that he constantly pushes. Right Wing Watch has the transcript:

Satan and his evil spirits are not just kind of these vague floating beings that are out there somewhere where they can’t get to us, they can’t touch us, they can’t affect us, they can’t influence us; we struggle against them.

Now, we do have people that are adversaries but the point that Paul is making here is that what’s behind them, what’s behind the work that they do, the things that they think, the things that they say, what’s behind them if they oppose us when we stand for the truth, what’s behind them ultimately is the Prince of the Power of the Air. And that’s why ultimately our struggle is not against people, they’re just dupes, they have been deceived, they have been fooled.

You look at the average liberal in the United States, they believe things that are folly. They believe things that are irrational. They believe things that make no sense, that cannot stand up to the test of reason and logic. Why do they believe that? Because they are dupes, they have been deceived and fooled by the Prince of Lies, the Father of Lies and that’s why they believe and do what they do.

I find that highly offensive; I’m not a dupe, I’m a minion.

About Ed Brayton

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

  • http://www.atheist-faq.com Jasper of Maine

    You look at the average liberal in the United States, they believe things that are folly. They believe things that are irrational. They believe things that make no sense, that cannot stand up to the test of reason and logic.

    Such as? Such as? Such as?

  • daved

    Jasper@1: examples will not be forthcoming. Boy, Fischer is indulging in some weapons-grade projection there. I doubt he could use “reason and logic” to save his life.

    I see him more doing something like those bogus syllogisms along the lines of “I am hot. Fire is hot. Therefore, I am on fire.”

  • oranje

    If someone tried to parody Fischer, they’d be outdone by the original.

  • Mr Ed

    <blockquote.They believe things that are irrational. They believe things that make no sense, that cannot stand up to the test of reason and logic

    I don’t think he is really clear on the meaning of these words. He wants us to accept with out questioning some unseen and unfelt supreme beign and if we ask for evidence we are irrational and fail the test of logic.

    I’m not a dupe, I’m a minion.

    Minions pay dues and get a news letter.

  • imrryr

    Why do they believe that? Because they are dupes, they have been deceived and fooled by the Prince of Lies, the Father of Lies and that’s why they believe and do what they do.

    So, if Satan is the Father of Lies, does that make God the Grandfather of Lies?

  • http://aceofsevens.wordpress.com Ace of Sevens

    I assume he controls us through the rock music, or whatever kids listen to these days.

  • http://peopleofpublictransport.wordpress.com Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    Bryan “IMAX” Fischer is projecting?

  • http://reasonableconversation.wordpress.com Kaoru Negisa

    Satan and his evil spirits are not just kind of these vague floating beings that are out there…

    Actually, they’re not even just kind of these vague floating beings that are out there. They aren’t even out there. Or vague. Or even floating, in all likelihood.

    I’ve noticed a trend in the religious right lately in which they continue to invoke reason and logic as if they’re exhibiting them. Does anybody think this is planned? As if they’re trying to “reclaim” and redefine those words so those of us who are still sane can’t use them any more? Does it undercut my claim to sanity if I exhibit this level of paranoia?

  • becca

    I find it interesting that they consider Satan the Prince of the Power of Air. In most wiccan circles that I know of, the Power of Air is the intellect. But then, I’ve always known that they’re anti-intellectual.

    ps: Can I be a minion too? where do I sign up for the newsletter?

  • dingojack

    Kaoru Negisa – Do not alarmed by a level paranoia, remember, it’s not yours – it’s Satan’s

    @@

    Dingo

    —–

    PS: ‘Fischer is a lying, paedophilic, cannibalistic mother fucker’. Don’t sue me Bryan, Satan will see you in court!

  • http://dododreams.blogspot.com/ John Pieret

    Such as? Such as? Such as?

    You probably think Fischer is a moron while, in fact, he is the sweet voice of reason and logic … after all, he just told you so!

  • http://reasonableconversation.wordpress.com Kaoru Negisa

    Dingo – Of course! I didn’t even think of the wonderful free pass this gives us. I type as I’m also taking chocolate from my co-worker’s desk drawer… *evil laugh*

  • MikeMa

    Any explanation of why conservative Colorado Springs is burning while in liberal Boulder, they are only smelling the smoke?

    God’s bad aim again?

    Or is there no god, no satan, only evil people like Fischer and natural disasters, like fire and Fischer?

  • http://www.facebook.com/ZenoFerox Zeno

    Has God’s cleansing fire destroyed the Colorado Springs headquarters of Focus on the Family yet?

  • http://reasonableconversation.wordpress.com Kaoru Negisa

    Any explanation of why conservative Colorado Springs is burning while in liberal Boulder, they are only smelling the smoke?

    Oh, that one is easy. God hit the conservative area to prove to his loyal followers his power by saving them from a raging wildfire. This is to strengthen their faith in his goodness by showing them that he’ll happily rescue them from the dangerous situations he puts them in. It’s really quite benevolent when you think about it.

  • http://aceofsevens.wordpress.com Ace of Sevens

    #13: probably Satan is doing it. Or something went wrong at Stargate HQ.

  • Dexeron

    Kaoru: this gives a whole new meaning to the expression: “The devil made me do it!”

  • http://healthcaremafia.wordpress.com/ OleanderTea, a really, truly gumpy bunny

    You look at the average liberal in the United States, they believe things that are folly. They believe things that are irrational. They believe things that make no sense, that cannot stand up to the test of reason and logic.

    Oh, that’s rich. It’s so full of *facepalm* that I can’t even come up with a witty reply!

  • http://reasonableconversation.wordpress.com Kaoru Negisa

    Dex: The devil is making me read blogs at work right now.

  • http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

    … Said the man who thinks snakes and donkeys can talk, men can be made from dirt and some magic, there once was a “water canopy” covering the earth, that the earth rests on pillars, that the planet’s rotation could be suddenly stopped for a day without some rather unpleasant (and noticeable) things happening, that a man can live for three days in a (fucking big fish’s?) stomach without being digested, that two totally different creation stories can both simultaneously be true, etc.

  • dingojack

    Fifthdentist – Remember boys, if you’re gonna have sex, anally penetrate a brown bear in a funny hat first – because only Smokey the Bear can prevent forrest fires (or sumpt’n).

    Dingo

  • dingojack

    Oops Satan made me post my last post on the wrong thread. (he also made me give a cyber -wedgie. HA! HA!)

    Dingo

  • d cwilson

    I’ve noticed a trend in the religious right lately in which they continue to invoke reason and logic as if they’re exhibiting them. Does anybody think this is planned?

    I’m sure it is. If they say it enough times,gawd will magically make it true.

    As if they’re trying to “reclaim” and redefine those words so those of us who are still sane can’t use them any more?

    Absolutely. Because non-believers say that they the ones using reason, fundies have to counter by saying, “Nuh-uh. Faith is reason!”

    Does it undercut my claim to sanity if I exhibit this level of paranoia?

    I wouldn’t worry about it.

  • John Hinkle

    …what’s behind them if they oppose us when we stand for the truth, what’s behind them ultimately is the Prince of the Power of the Air. And that’s why ultimately our struggle is not against people…

    Ok, if your struggle is not against people, then leave us the hell alone. Go after the spooks. Why, just the other day I saw an ad on TV for the Spookswatter 2000 from Ronco for only $49.99. And if you order within the next 10 minutes, they’ll also throw in a pair of demon catching crystals. Now how much would you pay? Well don’t answer, because…

  • ArtK

    Crap. My upgrade from dupe to minion has been stuck in the Satanic Personnel Review Committee for months. I’m looking for something to boost my profile: Should I go all out in advocating for same sex marriage or would comprehensive sex education do the trick? I tried pointing out that the Constitution can’t possibly be Biblically inspired, but the committee yawned at that one.

  • http://reasonableconversation.wordpress.com Kaoru Negisa

    It’s so unfair that Hecubus can get minion status and so many of us have to wait. This is what happens when you have connections…

  • bybelknap

    Minion sounds like too much work. Can I sign up for Henchman? I’m pretty sure you only have to break a leg or two and collect the vig on outstanding loans a couple of times a week. Or am I thinking of something else?

  • unemployedphilosopher

    Prince of the Power of the Air.

    I thought that was Pazuzu?

  • ebotebo

    {{{{sigh}}}} Can you imagine the brain rot of those who believe this turd bird???

  • kermit.

    The religious right mind does not understand the concepts behind the words like reason, logic, science, evidence, and such. They see the respect they get in society, and so they want to lay claim to it themselves. They play at using these words, with no comprehension, like children playing house. They get mad if they are mocked for their misuse of it – they worked hard depriving themselves of pleasure, don’t they deserve the cachet of science and intellectual prowess? Do not the righteous deserve respect?

    These people, who believe in demons and magic and spirits and personal existence after their death, cannot understand the reality behind these terms so valued by the reality-based culture. If you tell them “You have spoken of evidence and reason. Where is this evidence, what are the claims you would base your reasoning on?” they will look at you uncomprehendingly.

    But a few of them are simply sociopaths, who know full well the nonsense they spout. Most of them are among the ones raking in the money.

  • http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

    Here we have another example of someone missing a major flaw in their beliefs. If God is omnipotent, why the does he let Satan run around doing evil? Well, he’s either not omnipotent, or a rat bastard who gets off on seeing Satan harming people. Of course this is the creep who apparently saves one batch of people while letting another, basically identical batch of people get killed, so maybe he gets off on suffering in general.

  • Doug Little

    Someone needs to fine this idiot for using the words reason and logic in his diatribe after this crackerjack statement.

    Satan and his evil spirits are not just kind of these vague floating beings that are out there somewhere where they can’t get to us, they can’t touch us, they can’t affect us, they can’t influence us; we struggle against them.

    Show me some proof Bryan.

  • Stevarious

    The devil is making me read blogs at work right now.

    Oh man me too! Quick, join me in a magical chant that will make him leave us alone so we can get some work done!

  • ArtK

    Well, he’s either not omnipotent, or a rat bastard who gets off on seeing Satan harming people. Of course this is the creep who apparently saves one batch of people while letting another, basically identical batch of people get killed, so maybe he gets off on suffering in general.

    I believe that’s the general idea. Of course this all gets dressed up as “love,” much like a domestic abuser.

  • Wowbagger, Vile Demagogue

    timgueguen wrote:

    If God is omnipotent, why the does he let Satan run around doing evil?

    More importantly, if Satan exists and is capable of great deception, how do they know anything is real? What if Satan wrote the bible? What if he founded the first Christian church? What if who they thought was Jesus was Satan in disguise?

  • busterggi

    I can understand having imaginary friends but imaginary enemies?

    Reality is harsh enough.

  • spamamander, hellmart survivor

    @ 35

    Great, now I’m stuck thinking, “Yesh-u-ah! More than meets the eye! Yesh-u-ah! Satan in disguise!” complete in robot voice…

  • http://www.facebook.com/kenneth.polit kennypo65

    Gimme an S

    Gimme an A

    Gimme a T

    Gimme an A

    Gimme an N

    What’s that spell?

    What’s that spell?

    What’s that spell?

    Gooooooooo Satan!