Wingnut: Let the Bible Be Your Voter’s Guide

With every political organization and their brother putting out voter’s guides this time of year, Pastor Scott Brown has a better idea for his followers: Let the Bible be your voter’s guide. What does that mean? Well, lots of things. Like it means you can’t vote for women:

A male (Exodus 18:21; Deuteronomy 1:13)

The Scriptures require that we “choose wise, understanding, and knowledgeable men.” The word men used here is not the generic term for “mankind” but rather the word for “male.” Everywhere the qualifications for civil leaders are mentioned in the Bible, males – not females – are identified.

So goodbye to Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann and every other female politician, right? And then…

Impartial (Deuteronomy 1:17)

He treats the high and the low with the same love and truth. Since God is no respecter of persons, neither should a civil leader be a respecter of persons. A civil ruler must be equally concerned for the rich and the poor, the small and the great. He must execute justice without respect to race, gender, and national origin, or any other categorical distinction made in society.

Unless they’re gay people, of course. Or women, ironically. So you see, you must be absolutely impartial and make decisions without respect to gender — except that you can’t vote for women. Makes perfect sense.

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  • Trebuchet

    Based on the second quote, so much for Mitt Romney, who can’t be bothered to worry about the 47%. Or, truth be told, 99% of the remaining 53%, either.

  • busterggi

    I’d appreciate it if Pastor Brown can cite one instance of an election held in the bible.

  • joeina2

    Also – Deborah was a Judge, so not even the writers of that book followed a ban on female leaders.

  • Also, don’t vote at all.

    Romans 13:1-2

    Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.

    Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.

    If a person is in power, it’s obviously because God put them there.

  • If a person is in power, it’s obviously because God put them there.

    That’s what religion is for. Otherwise the powerful wouldn’t tolerate those headbanging idiots, either. But if there’s a guy with a big hat who says “Nebuchawhumpwhump is KING by WILL OF THE GODS!” it saves old Nebuchawhumpwhump a lot of having to have his minions beat the shit out of people, which eventually causes resentment. So kings sheltered the headbangers, who periodically also gave them an excuse to attack nearby areas and expand their kingdoms. In return the headbangers got to live parasitic lives, occasionally torture an apostate, and otherwise enjoy the respect they did not earn.

  • Nebuchawhumpwhump… not just an ancient Babylonian god king, but a great name for a Dubstep act.

  • Stevarious, Public Health Problem

    Unless they’re gay people, of course.

    Well, gay people aren’t really people to these people.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    busterggi @ # 2: … cite one instance of an election held in the bible.

    1 Kings 12:20 – And it came to pass, when all Israel heard that Jeroboam was come again, that they sent and called him unto the congregation, and made him king over all Israel…

    (sort of)

  • iknklast

    No women, huh? Seems like a lot of the tea party favorites are women – like the ridiculous Deb Fisher, who wants to replace Ben Nelson here in Nebraska. Ben Nelson was no prize, but Deb Fisher? I won’t be voting for that woman. But, sorry, I have every intention of voting for my current city councilwoman who is doing a dandy job. Bible be damned.

  • some bastard on the net

    But if there’s a guy with a big hat who says “Nebuchawhumpwhump is KING by WILL OF THE GODS!”

    I just had a mental picture of a very large hat that says this. I think I finally have a costume idea for Halloween!

  • martinc

    busterggi @ 2:

    cite one instance of an election held in the bible.

    I can find an instance where they went to the trouble of getting two nominees for a vacant position … but then they left it up to God to decide which of the two got the job, using that foolproof method of determining God’s will: pure chance.

    So they nominated two men: Joseph called Barsabbas (also known as Justus) and Matthias. Then they prayed, “Lord, you know everyone’s heart. Show us which of these two you have chosen to take over this apostolic ministry, which Judas left to go where he belongs.” Then they cast lots, and the lot fell to Matthias; so he was added to the eleven apostles.

    NIV, Acts 1: 23-26

    The Bible fails to state whether Joseph/Barsabbas/Justus then immediately claimed Matthias was a Kenyan.

  • Silly blogger. Every good Christian knows that women aren’t people!