Benny Hinn Needs Your Money

Following in the esteemed footsteps of disgraced Christian frauds like Oral Roberts, Jim Bakker and Robert Tilton, Benny Hinn says God wants you to send him money to help him retire $5 million worth of debt. And he has one rich sucker on the line to match the first $2.5 million.

Let me quickly explain about this historic miracle: A long-time and beloved friend of mine and of this ministry shared something with me this week that literally touched me to the core!

“Benny,” he said, “God wants your ministry to be completely out of debt, and I want to plant an anointed seed that will help you take a giant step toward becoming totally debt-free!”

Now this is a very precious man of God whom I have known and loved more than three decades. He has been such a blessing to the cause of Christ. So when he said this, needless to say, I was thrilled beyond words at his unbelievable generosity and the remarkable timeliness of his offer…

But then there was something more this man of God added:

Benny, God has laid it on my heart to plant a seed of $2.5 million into your ministry, but God only wants me to make this gift if the ministry partners match the amount within 90 days! I feel so strongly that He wants them to be part of the supernatural wealth transfer that is coming to every believer who will obey God’s Word.

What could I say? Immediately I saw the hand of God in this. Our Lord could have simply used our friend to plant the seed and be blessed immeasurably by it. But it was so evident that God wants to provide an even greater miracle than the $2.5 million. He desires for our partners and ministry friends to be blessed as they join together with this precious man of God by planting a much larger seed into the work of the Lord, and, in so doing, doubling the blessings.

I quickly told him, “I cannot say no. When I share with my partners what God is doing, they will jump at the chance to be part of this amazing opportunity. I just know it!”…

Are you ready for God to do the “impossible” in your life!

Are you ready to see your harvest doubled?

Are you ready to see your debt cancelled in the next 90 days?

Imagine not dreading going to the mailbox, no bills piling up on your counter, and no calls from collectors coming to your home. God wants to wipe your debt out! Every bit of it…and in the next 90 days!

I have no doubt that’s true. Hinn’s staggeringly credulous followers will no doubt jump at the chance to send him money on the ridiculous premise that Benny’s imaginary friend will give them back the money ten- or a hundred-fold. The suckers have been falling for that scam for decades. It never occurs to them that if Hinn’s bullshit were true, he should be sending them money so God can bless him instead.

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  • fastlane

    Man, if I didn’t have a conscience, how long would it take to set up a website asking for donations from some religious loons….? Buy up a few dozen with key words to cover all the different sects. I’m sure it wouldn’t be millions, but the steady trickle would be interesting to see.

  • Larry

    Hey, refitting the Gulfstream 5 seats in leather and counters in Italian marble don’t come cheap, ya know.

  • Chiroptera

    So I take it that Klingenschmitt needn’t bother asking Hinn for $1000?

  • slc1

    As PT Barnum was once reputed to have said, “there’s a sucker born every minute”.

  • I’d rather give my money to Benny Hill.

  • carlie

    So if they don’t raise the 2.5 mil, then the donor guy was wrong about what God said and keeps his money?

  • Didaktylos

    If The Big Guy Upstairs wants Benny Hinn to be free of debt, couldn’t he just miraculously cause all record of it to cease to exist?

  • Y’know … I just thought up a delicious scam. I’m not going to do it because I’m moral an’ stuff like that but I’ll just throw it out there in case one of you knows someone who is unemployed and generally mean.

    There are companies out there that specialize in cold-calling for dollars on behalf of charities. None of the money actually goes to the charities beyond a pittance, of course, but what they do is claim they’re verifying that the people are willing to donate, then they give the names to the charity so the charity can try to milk them directly next year. So you get a phone call, “Hi, I’m calling on behalf of Planned Parenthood. Would you be willing to donate $25 to help beat the republican blah blah blah” – so you donate the $25 and they give $5 to Planned Parenthood, pocket $20 and then next year Planned Parenthood has their name and — so far Planned Parenthood, etc, haven’t sued because they’re not really being defrauded. Etc. So, with all the outsourced call centers, I bet you could set up a call center operation and a website and go collecting donations on behalf of Benny Hinn and all these other religious nutbags. Of course, you pocket a substantial “handling fee” which would amount to the religiots getting maybe a penny for each donation. Ooooo the screaming that would ensue.

  • PS – that’s my variant of the old joke about the Baptist minister that throws the contents of the collection plate into the air and says “let the lord take of this what he will” and keeps whatever the lord lets fall to the ground.

  • Abby Normal

    Hinn forgot to warn them about the consequences of not forwarding this to 24 friends in 24 hours.

  • “Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time!

    “But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!” — Carlin

  • azportsider

    I’ve never understood this. If Hinn’s invisible friend is omniscient and omnipotent, then why is he always broke? Can’t he/she/it/they just poof a few mil into existence to cover the debt? If not, what kind of lame-ass god is Hinn worshiping?

  • Doc Bill

    The sweet thing about this latest Hinn scam is that the “patron” with $2.5 million doesn’t have to exist and probably doesn’t! Hinn could sweep in a cool 2.5 without anybody knowing the difference. What a parasite!

  • If you really want a good laugh, watch any of the Christian TV stations while they’re doing their telethons — you won’t have to wait long, because they’re always doing telethons.

    God is always putting it into someone’s heart to give $1000 right now. At least according to the preacher scammer.

    And what god won’t do for that $1000. Why each and every time someone gives them $1000, they win a $10 million lawsuit — that they hadn’t even filed! Yep, all it takes is sending the preacher scammer $1000 and you too can win BIG!!

    Of course, the audience for this is the same that buys PowerBall tickets.

    Barnum was wrong, but only because he was conservative by a factor of about 60.

  • dugglebogey

    Since the bible commands Christians to stay out of debt, isn’t it a sin to go in debt in the first place?

  • Trebuchet

    Did the friend with the $2.5M whisper the announcement into the earpiece in Benny’s ear?

  • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    @Marcus Ranum,

    You learned the politically correctified version of that story. When I was a little kid it was a minister, a priest and a rabbi comparing notes about how to divide collected money, and it was the rabbi (surprise!) who tossed the money in the air and let God keep however much he wanted.

    P.S. A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. Bartender says, “Is this some kind of a joke?”

  • The sweet thing about this latest Hinn scam is that the “patron” with $2.5 million doesn’t have to exist and probably doesn’t!

    Maybe it’s Hinn, himself.

  • As George Carlin once said, God always seems to be short on cash.

  • grumpyoldfart

    Land of the free. Home of the brave. Country of the religiously retarded.