Alex Jones: Atheists Worship Satan

In addition to all the other ways that Alex Jones is an ignorant nutjob, he also regularly claims that atheists worship Satan. Oh and we “almost always embrace eugenics.” And we commit suicide a lot. “9 times out of 10” we’re “occultists. Nice of him to tell us that.


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  • Synfandel

    Well, I’m an atheist I do commit suicide a lot.

  • So… refusing to acknowledge the existence of supernatural beings, and expressing skepticism about the efficacy of mystical acts like prayer or sacraments, somehow proves that we worship a supernatural being and engage in occult practices?

    I think I need to lie down for a bit, I feel a headache coming on.

  • Randomfactor

    It’s time for Jones to declare: Does he personally stand with Thor or Loki?

  • Doug Little

    Hey, did he mention we like eating babies as well? Me likey some roast baby.

  • Did you know that if you play that clip backwards it says


    “natas pihsrow stsiehta”


    You can’t argue with that.

  • Doug

    And now you’ve made me feel hungry.

  • birgerjohansson

    I did not know I worshipped Satan. Or that I endorse eugenics.

  • zippythepinhead

    Did you ever wonder how it is that the author of this blog is named “Ed” and if you play the theme to the old Mr Ed song it says “Satan is the source”?!?!?!?!?!

    There are no coincidences.

  • Chiroptera

    We male atheists also like to wear women’s clothing so we can go into public rest rooms to watch women pee. He left that one off.

  • iangould

    Complete nonsense.

    if anything, Satan worships me.

  • You know while Mr. Jones is making all of these cogent and penetrating observations he is, simultaneously ignoring the “elephant in the room”–well. elephants, actually–to wit:

    Will he, Mr. Alex Jones, submit to a lie detector test and furnish a detailed itinerary of his travels and activities from the late 1980’s through 1998? If the anser is, “yes”, then we might FINALLY be able to confirm or debunk the pernicious myth that he, Glen Beck and numerous unnamed co-conspirators were involved in an ongoing conspiracy to kidnap, rape, murder and EAT thousands of orphans (of both sexes) during that period.

    It’s easy, Alex, all we want is the truth. The truth will make you free!*.

    Oh, yeah, this too, also**

    * Warning: Past results of “truth making you free” does not preclude the occurrence of that curiously ReiKKKwing phenomenon, known as “Head’splodin”, upon ReiKKKwingers’ prolonged exposure to strong, regular doses of verifiable fact.

    ** You might want to get yourself oneathem “contractor” size, 3 mil plastic trash bags, have a friend drop it over your upper body and secure it with some jumbo size cable ties–you don’t want to fuck up the nice furniture with the shit that would come out of that squash of yours it blew up.

  • tsig

    I worship Satan ’cause I want to be on the winning side.

    Satan-beer, drugs, wild women and unlimited power.

    God-pale face bleating about everything.

  • It has been my experience that I receive more looks of shock, confusion and bewilderment when I tell people I don’t believe Satan exists than I do when I tell them I don’t believe God exists.

  • Didaktylos

    Hey – atheists commit suicide no more often than anybody else: just the once.

  • blf

    We male atheists also like to wear women’s clothing…

    …just like my dear papa.

    I’m an atheist and I’m Ok.

    I’m an atheist and I’m Ok.

    I like to eat babies,

    adore Teh Lord of Hades,

    and put on women’s clothing.

    I’m an atheist and I’m Ok.


    (With many apologies to Monty Python!)

  • roggg

    Well, I’m a suicidal occultist eugenicist with an “I Love Satan” bumper sticker, and I’m also an atheist, so… Seems a fair criticism to me.

  • raven

    It has been my experience that I receive more looks of shock, confusion and bewilderment when I tell people I don’t believe Satan exists than I do when I tell them I don’t believe God exists.

    It might be where you live.

    Roughly half of all xians don’t believe in satan or hell either.

    Most U.S. Christians Don’t Believe Satan, Holy Spirit Exist

    www. christianpost. com/…/most-u-s-christians-don-t-believe-satan-holy-s…‎

    Apr 13, 2009 – In contrast, about 35 percent of American Christians believe Satan is real. Twenty-six percent strongly disagreed with the statement that Satan …

  • I am in the American south, so it could be.

  • raven

    After seeing that Jones is a virulent atheist hater, without the slightest idea what an athesit is, I know where he gets his information.

    He is clearly making it up as he goes along.

  • One of the usual causes of my headdesking over eugenics: Eugenics in the western world is usually based on biblical racial mythology and is effectively a rejection of evolution. (Naturally, Hitler was a Creationist.) There’s no coherent idea of “racial purity” to be preserved or reclaimed by eugenic practices. We know this because of evolution, and if anything, “purity” would more likely be a bad thing, since genetic diversity is generally the source of a species’ strength. There’s a reason the phrase “mongrel vitality” exists and why inbreeding is discouraged.

  • If there’s anyone likely to worship Satan, it’s Jones. Given the conspiracy crap he believes it wouldn’t surprise me if he believes Christianity is an evil Jewish plot to keep people from worshipping the true creator of the Universe, Satan.

    More seriously, is there a conspiracy theory Jones could promote that would cost him most of his followers?

  • raven

    More seriously, is there a conspiracy theory Jones could promote that would cost him most of his followers?

    Doubt it.

    He and his followers collect all conspiracy theries and weave them together into tapestries of looniness.

    If you are going to believe one silly thing, might as well believe them all.

    The one thing that might be a deal breaker is if…Alex Jones came out as…an atheist.

  • raven

    I doubt Alex Jones has that many followers.

    I’ve only known one. She is a severe schizophrenic who refuses to take medication. She hates MD’s because they are part of the conspiracy and keep trying to prescribe her drugs. She’s also paranoid about chemicals in the food supply and has a restricted diet.

    She also frequently gets kicked out of subsidized housing for bizarre and disruptive behavior. Sad case and she will probably have a shortened lifespan. SZ’s die 15 to 30 years earlier than the general population, on average.

  • Doug Little

    Bronze Dog @20.

    My take on the whole Eugenics thing is wrapped up with these morons simplistic view of evolution.

    Evolution = Survival of the fittest = Eugenics

    or something.

  • Akira MacKenzie

    I don’t worship Satan, you deranged coot.

    Everyone knows I worship Lady Dlamélish, Green Eyed Lady of Fleshy Joy!

  • I was planning to kill myself because my atheist life is so hopeless, but now I’m not going to go through with it just to spite Alex Jones!

  • neonsequitur

    What does he say about agnostics?

  • brucegee1962

    #20 Bronze Dog,

    There are different flavors of eugenics. The one that seems most based on Darwin is the strand that led to inmates and mental patients being sterilized in the first half of the 20th century. If you think we’re smart enough to really figure out who has “good genes” and “bad genes,” this actually makes a certain amount of sense to try to weed out the “bad genes.” However, I don’t think we’re smart enough.

  • So, it really doesn’t occur to Mr. Jones that you need to believe in the Christian Bible to believe that Satan is real?

  • drummindan

    Mr Alex Jones…PLEASE step away from the crack pipe. That is all.

  • bwells

    I think if we were really for eugenics, then we would have pushed a little harder to prevent him having children.

  • Freodin

    @27 “What does he say about agnostics?”

    Agnostics also worship Satan…. but they don’t know it.


  • thumper1990

    Well, as a man who doesn’t believe in anything supernatural, anywhere, I can confirm I am a Satan-worshipping occultist who loves him some eugenics. Love it. And I’ve committed suicide twice!