Palin to Compile Platitudes Into a Book

Sarah Palin took the opportunity of her first appearance on Fox News since behind re-signed as a contributor to announce that she is working on a new book about the entirely fictitious “war on Christmas.” I’m sure it will be filled with lameass cliches and platitudes like these:

“I’m doing great,” the former Alaska governor explained. “I’m very busy of course with my kids — two beautiful grandkids — writing a book, a book about Christmas and pushing back on the politically correct who would try to take Christ out of Christmas.”

“We talk a lot about that in the book,” she continued. “Kind of a legalese how-to push back and protect the heart of Christmas. At the same time, a very festive and happy and jolly book about tradition and recipes and fun things about Christmas.”

Kelly wondered with all the time she was spending on her book, was Palin able to keep up with the recent scandals involving Benghazi, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) and National Security Agency surveillance?

“It’s the whole ball of wax that all leads to this revelation that government lies,” Palin opined. “And with Benghazi though, government lied and people died. So, that’s very significant. The other issues are government lied and government spied. That’s pretty bad too.”

Honestly, I don’t think she’s really capable of thinking. She only seems capable of mindlessly stringing together a collection of trite catchphrases.

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  • I am an atheist, and Sarah Palin’s right. Someone needs to stand up to me, before I single handily take Christ from Christmas, leaving only mas left. After all I already succeeded in taking Christ out of Christeaster, Christhanukkah, and Christ-President’s-Day-Mattress-Extravaganza. Someone must in Saint Sarah’s own words, ‘Stand up to Government and health care so that Baby Jesus schools and oil drilling.”

  • Mr Ed

    Plans are already underway to turn Palin’s book into a childrens place mat at Stuckey’s. It will feature classics like the Obamacare maze, Fox News word jumble and an erasable tic-tac-toe grid so you can keep playing until you win.

  • Palin is like those dolls that when you pull its string, it randomly says one of about half a dozen prerecorded statements. But why should she try to put any thought into her talking points when there are still people willing to shower her with money for her random word salads?

  • These fake war people need to face one reality of what’s happened: By making Christmas such a big deal that becomes omnipresent every December and provide the expectation that everyone celebrate it, they made it easier to secularize. Now they want takebacksies and are blaming today’s culturally considerate people for yesterday’s natural cultural shift. My family still erects and decorates a fake pine tree and exchanges gifts in much the same secular manner as we did when my brother and I were kids. We’re all atheists, now, but we’re still celebrating that secular version of Christmas. So, why should Sarah Palin have more say in how the holiday is viewed and celebrated than I do?

  • gshelley

    Kelly wondered with all the time she was spending on her book, was Palin able to keep up with the recent scandals involving Benghazi, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) and National Security Agency surveillance?

    Given that she wasn’t able to keep up with political news when she was running for VP, why would they think she;s have anything other than a superficial interest now it isn’t even expected of her?

  • Michael Heath

    The liar and quitter Sarah Palin:

    I’m very busy of course [this means she’s lying] . . . pushing back on the politically correct who would try to take Christ out of Christmas.”

    I continue to find it ironic that those who boastfully self-identify as politically incorrect are too cowardly to tolerate people with religious beliefs other than their own or us nones. In spite of their knowing the Truth; which falsifies our pitiful perception of reality.

  • wildbill

    John oliver summed it up very well the other night, “we can just ignore her.”

  • I say, let’s launch our own counter-attack. Stop the Christianists from stealing Midwinter! Keep the Sol in Solstice!

  • Randomfactor

    you can keep playing until you win.



  • kantalope

    A line of t-shirts: “Christmas Warrior” on the front; “Happy Holidays, MutherF*#ker!” on the back.

  • busterggi

    The popularity of ‘stream of unconciousness’ writing is amazing. I can’t summon up enough suspension of disbelief to keep up with it.

  • busterggi “The popularity of ‘stream of unconciousness’ writing is amazing.”

    It’s Duhduhism.

  • frog

    A friend of mine once sent me a card upon which she had drawn a bunch of stick-figure Vikings landing in a longboat, aiming spears and swords at a decorated Christmas tree, shouting “This is a war on Christmas!”

    Maybe Palin could use that as the cover illustration for the book.

  • entirely fictitious “war on Christmas.”

    It’s not fictitious! I am anti-christmas! When people say “merry christmas”(or whatever, even “happy holidays”) to me, I reply, “bah! humbug!”

  • I hope she includes some more quotes from John Wooden. i especially liked his ideas about redistributing land.

  • Worse than taking Christ out of Christmas, I hear there are cannibals who throw celebrations and actually drink his fermented blood. What legal steps can be taken to stop that barbaric practice? Next thing you know, they’ll dry and powder the Baby Jesus and bake Christmas cookies with the remains.

  • Chiroptera

    Wait, aren’t these the people who took Eostre out of Easter?

  • When I worked in publishing, one of the full-time editors showed me a huge slush pile she kept of a unique kind of literature: entire books, some of them hundreds of pages long, written by semi-literates. We would marvel at–if nothing else–the stamina it took to put one word next to another several thousand times, without the least comprehension of how a sentence or a paragraph should be constructed.

    The difference between those benighted authors and Sarah Palin? They actually wrote their stuff.

  • @feralboy

    Palin quoting Wooden!?!?!? Blasphemy! (Did she actually quote him in that clip? I couldn’t last more than 15 seconds listening to her.)

  • Aliasalpha

    So the heart of christmas she is so eager to protect is “ist”, makes one wonder what she has against “chr” and “mas”…

  • caseloweraz

    RandomFactor: “A STRANGE GAME.


    That sounds like it comes from WOPR: the Wassila Opportunistic Political Rogue.

  • Arthur Nouveau

    I don’t care what they do so long as they leave Thor in Thursday.

  • macallan

    And Wotan in Wednesday. And Sol Invictus in Sunday. And…

  • Sarah Palin’s coming out with a book? Great! I’ll watch for it at the Dollar Store.