Glenn Beck Explains the History of Satan

Glenn Beck Explains the History of Satan August 1, 2013

During Glenn Beck’s three day wingnutapalooza in Salt Lake City over the 4th of July, the one that included his bizarre “man in the moon” show, he also took groups of contributors on a tour of a makeshift museum he and David Barton put together. And he told them that all of human history can be explained as Satan trying to destroy God’s chosen people because that will mean God won’t be God anymore. Because that totally makes sense.


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  • raven

    This isn’t quite Mormon theology.

    1. The Mormons are god’s chosen people. The Real Jews. Everyone else are Gentiles, their word for outsiders. They even have a New Covenant with god, one as usual, not written down on paper.

    2. Xians are not the chosen people. All xians are Fake Xians, except the Mormons.

    Beck might be causing some problems for the Mormon leaders. They have a Pope, the chief prophet, seer, and revelator. And that Pope gets uneasy when other Mormons start infringing on his territory. Which is making stuff up and claiming it came from a Sky Fairy.

    It’s happened many times. No one knows how many groups have schismed away from the Mormon church but it is probably over a 100. And many of those are a whole lot uglier, hard as that is to imagine.

  • b. – Order of Lagomorpha

    I want to grab every bible-thumping, Glenn-Beck-believing, Rush-Limbaugh-supporting, Ann-Coulter-loving loon and force them to actually flaming *READ* the bible, the Constitution and a few dozen history books written by people-who-are-not-David-Barton. They won’t be allowed to rely on, “But I read on the Internet…”, “Somebody forwarded me this thing in email….”, “My pastor says…”. Read. All. Of. It. Then, maybe, we can talk. How these folks manage to remember to breathe is beyond me. Thank evolution for the development of the brain stem, I suppose.

    As an aside, having Glenn Beck and David Barton together in one place is the very definition of a shit sandwich.

  • eric

    Let’s see…according to the mormons, the original ‘real’ chosen people got wiped out by Indians in the first few centuries AD. Joseph Smith started the Mormons in the 1820s. So according to their own doctrine, there were no chosen people for about a 1600 year period. In this period, presumably God was weakened and Satan was free to roam the earth.

    That period directly coincided with the rise of Christianity in Europe.

  • b. – Order of Lagomorpha “As an aside, having Glenn Beck and David Barton together in one place is the very definition of a shit sandwich.”

    An open faced sandwich is not a sandwich. It’s a meal of lies.

  • busterggi

    Wonder why Beck didn’t mention that Jesus and Satan are twin brother when he was speaking with Hagee a little while ago?

    I’d love to have seen the reaction og Hagee’s crowd to that.

  • Beck has been really dipping into the prophecy well lately. I wonder if he’s got ambitions for taking over the LDS church.

  • b. – Order of Lagomorpha

    @ Modusoperendi. No, no, it’s a jam sandwich–two pieces of shit jammed together. 😉