Trump: Really, I’m a Good Christian

Donald Trump is following in the footsteps of Ted Cruz and Rand Paul, trying to ingratiate himself with the Christian right folks in Iowa, perhaps in anticipation of a presidential run in 2016. And he’s trying really, really hard to strike a pose as a good Christian:

Trump said he is a “pro-life,” “very, very, pro-family” Christian. “I’m a Presbyterian and a good one,” Trump elaborated. “A lot of people ask me about my children, how did you get them so they’re not drinkers and they’re not on drugs and you know lots of good things.”

Plus, he has a “great relationship with the church” and people love him: “Tickets are going at a rate like they’ve never gone before, maybe it’s one of the other candidates but you know what, I doubt it.” “I know some of the people that are candidates and the Republicans are not going to be winning with these people,” Trump continued.

And he’s only been married one less time than Rush Limbaugh. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of pointing and laughing at these guys claiming to be “pro-family.” This guy trades in his blond trophy wife on a newer model — literally — every decade or so. He’s so “pro-family” he’s created several of them.

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  • And Mutt Romney held this guy up as an example of a successful businessman who could get America working again by his superiour business sense? What a jucking foke.

    Donald Trump is following the path of another, more successful, businesman, Steve Forbes, who tried to rebrand himself as a good right-wing Christian, and immediately sank into oblivion. That alone shows that Trump can’t even learn from the mistakes of people in his own class.

  • DaveL

    Of course Trump is a good Christian. He’s a thousand, no – a million, no – a billion times humbler than then next humblest guy.

  • daved

    Trump’s current wife is a brunette.

  • dshetty

    Hmm my wife’s Bible copy is missing the part where Jesus tells his followers to make a lot of money, hoard it and screw over a bunch of people. The one she has talks about how its easier for a camel to go through a needle than a rich person – must be a typo.

  • dugglebogey

    Trump is a Casino owner right? Doesn’t the bible have a problem with “casting lots” or something like that?

  • Reginald Selkirk

    Trump is a good Christian because he follows the Bible:

    Matthew 6:24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

  • dshetty “Hmm my wife’s Bible copy is missing the part where Jesus tells his followers to make a lot of money, hoard it and screw over a bunch of people.”

    It’s in the Parable of the Moneymaker. It’s the one where the Moneymaker inherits 40-200 million dollars from his father, goes in to the temple and leveraged buys tables, selling them to money changers, and when the market goes bust gets the people he owes money to to forgive the debt he doesn’t forgive others. Also, he gets a shitty show on TV and pushes it relentlessly, going so far as to fake run for president simply to keep his face out there (filling dead air with dogwhistles).

    It’s really quite a moving parable. What it moves, I don’t know. Jesus to tears, probably.

  • Alverant

    Aren’t “good christians” supposed to give to the poor and things like that?

  • Taz

    Donald Trump correctly considers himself a product to sell, and running for president is good advertising.

  • cptdoom

    Thank you daved #3, for pointing out the horrible bias and oppression expressed by Mr. Brayton. It is entirely unfair to label Donald Trump as some kind of womanizer simply because of his tendency to find younger and hotter wives to marry. Clearly Trump’s decision to take a brunette this time is a sign of his growing maturity in his relationship with his God. He may have been an adulterer in the past, but there is no proof whatsoever that he is continuing his adultery with this wife – just like Newt Gingrich. With a few years, Trump might actually start following a few others of the Ten Commandments – like maybe he’ll stop lying about President Obama not being a native-born America or maybe he’ll stop lusting after his neighbor’s possessions.

  • Moggie


    Aren’t “good christians” supposed to give to the poor and things like that?

    That’s why a Trump presidency would ensure a more plentiful supply of poor people.

    Also, bears. Good Christian Trump approves of 2 Kings 2:23-24

  • dogglebogey #5;

    No, Biblically, casinos are no problem. One of God’s preferred methods for decision making is casting lots, in both the Old Testament and the NT.So games of chance are fine.

    It’s just one of those extra-biblical rules (like marriage as a religious or civil affair; or restrictions on abortion or slavery) that later becomes back-written into the spaces between the lines of the Bible.

  • felidae

    Mr Trump bases his theology on something written by a couple of Jewish boys about 80 years ago:

    “There’s things that your liable

    to read in the Bible

    but it ain’t necessarily so”

    from the Gershwin’s Porgy and Bess

  • scienceavenger

    ‘he has a “great relationship with the church” ‘, right just like the blacks. The only great thing that Donald Trump has produced is Ivanka. [in my best Homer Simpson voice] Please please please please please please please please please please please PLEASE run Donald Trump for president GOP, pretty please, with sugar on it.

  • And Jesus said to his disciples: shake the dust from your sandals, run around shouting me, me, me, celebrate firing people, buy a beauty pageant, send a friend to steal Rosie O’Donnell’s girlfriend, and sue any bastard who bad-mouths you. True story.

  • Synfandel

    “A lot of people ask me about my children, how did you get them so they’re not drinkers and they’re not on drugs and you know lots of good things.”

    How do you get your neighbours so they don’t come onto your lawn and so they keep their dog on a leash and you got a public school education?

    Maybe they’re just good people? Nah, you deserve credit, of course, cuz….something.

  • I’ve written this quote here before hundreds of times but it keeps coming up. What can I say, when it comes to message, you can’t beat a classic.

    “I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”–Mohandes Ghandi

  • Michael Heath


    Your Ghandi argument is fatally defective.

    Those who know the Bible and can think straight know that the Jesus character in the Bible is infinitely evil. That’s given his promise to punish some humans with unimaginable torment for all of eternity. How can anyone “like” such an evil entity? It’s the epitome of evil, even if only one person were to suffer such an affliction.

  • caseloweraz

    From the end of the article: Trump showed off his conservative credentials by making the absurd claim that “people don’t work, they don’t have to work, they get better benefits if they take it easy, which is unfair because the people that are working are paying for that.”

    And he knows he’s going to win the nomination because that claim worked so well for RMoney.