Another Awesome Keyes Rant

Alan Keyes is a guilty pleasure of mine. Whether it’s written columns, speeches or radio appearances, I enjoy the hell out of him. He’s so utterly absurd and so absolutely certain and confident at the same time, a combination I find almost irresistible. Here’s another of his classic rants, where in the space of less than two paragraphs he manages to tie together the UN, gun control, judges that “rape the parental authority of Christian parents” and abortion into one big stew of stupid:

This evident contradiction between its intended treaty commitments and its actions may keep the Obama faction from pre-empting U.S. Senate action on the UN Arms Trade Treaty. Can they figure out a way to reconcile their desire to give arms to Islamic extremists with their equally intense desire to disarm law-abiding American citizens? However that may be, Kerry signed the treaty while voicing the obligatory assurances that this will in no way affect the constitutional rights of people subject to the jurisdiction of the U.S. government.

The problem is that these days, what constitutes human rights abuses, terrorism, and violations of humanitarian law is very much in the eye of the propagandist. These days, elitist faction judges cite human rights violations as they rape the parental authority of Christian parents who seek to raise their children to believe that homosexuality is wrong and sinful behavior. Pro-abortion officials are well-known for their attempts to prosecute pro-life demonstrators as criminals under provisions of law created to target organized crime.

I love it when he talks dirty. By the way, that last sentence is complete nonsense. The case he refers to had nothing to do with “pro-abortion officials” trying to “prosecute” anti-abortion demonstrators. It was a civil case filed by the National Organization for Women under the RICO statute. And the Supreme Court denied the use of that statute in that context and dismissed the case by an 8-0 vote in 2005 (and they were right to do so). But facts do not matter to Keyes. They just get in the way of a good rant.

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  • scienceavenger

    Can they figure out a way to reconcile their desire to give arms to Islamic extremists with their equally intense desire to disarm law-abiding American citizens?

    Sure. They aren’t the slightest bit related. That was tough.

    Really, the GOP’s tendency towards false equivalency is reaching new lows these days. How many times this week have we heard some version of “How can Obama negotiate with Iran but not GOP lawmakers?” If someone said that to my face, I’d burst out laughing. Or perhaps retort with “Yeah, I’ll bet Obama won’t negotiate with his daughters on their curfew either. The monster!”

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    Well, that’s what a stew of stupid is good for: combining all your leftover bits of stupid into a more-or-less-balanced meal and feeding it to someone (hopefully) just before all those leftover bits go bad.

    By the way, that last sentence is complete nonsense.

    As opposed to everything that went before it, which was all just incomplete nonsense? Gotta have that last sentence to complete it, I guess.

  • erichoug

    Just like Ed, I used to find the right wing lunatics to be mildly amusing. I used to think it was funny to poke holes in the imaginary world they all live in and shake my head at their delusional fantasies.

    But lately, I find it incredibly depressing and more than a little bit infuriating. I couldn’t care less about fringe lunatics like Keyes who basically make a career out of conspiracy theory and pushing the furthest extremes of opinion. But when we are talking about elected officials responsible for running the government of the sole remaining superpower in this world with trillions of dollars of spending power and millions of lives riding on them that is a different story. I can’t believe that more Republicans don’t stand up to the fringe of their party and say: “Look, that just isn’t true. It would actually be horrible if it were but it isn’t so stop saying it.”

    Look at every single thing that the Republicans have done since the government shutdown has started. They have tried every thing they possibly can to cast this a Intransigence on the part of the Democrats. You have to be either a completely blind and deaf partisan or an absolute MORON to believe their line of reasoning. But, surprisingly enough, the Republicans seem to think that there are enough blind, deaf morons running around this country to keep them in office.

    The really sad thing is that they might be right.

  • http://thebronzeblog.wordpress.com/ Bronze Dog

    erichoug:

    Just like Ed, I used to find the right wing lunatics to be mildly amusing. I used to think it was funny to poke holes in the imaginary world they all live in and shake my head at their delusional fantasies.

    But lately, I find it incredibly depressing and more than a little bit infuriating.

    That’s one reason why I just took a week off from reading Dispatches.

    Ed, I envy your fortitude for this.

  • dugglebogey

    So wait, when the law falls completely on their side and the Supreme Court rules unanimously in their favor, they still get to complain that the government it totally against them?

    FUCK THESE PEOPLE.

  • Chiroptera

    And the Supreme Court denied the use of that statute in that context and dismissed the case by an 8-0 vote in 2005….

    Maybe Keyes can turn that into a rant about those damn activist judges?

  • Pierre Stromberg

    I think he’s entertaining as hell too. But my heart goes out to his daughter.

  • http://freethoughtblogs.com/camelswithhammers Daniel Fincke

    Alan Keyes is a guilty pleasure of mine. Whether it’s written columns, speeches or radio appearances, I enjoy the hell out of him.

    He was the commencement speaker at my college graduation. Envy me.

  • magistramarla

    erichoug,

    I agree with you, my friend!

  • steve84

    This is the same Alan Keyes who disowned his lesbian daughter. He really shouldn’t lecture anyone about parenting.