Glenn Beck’s ‘Progressive Dishwasher’

Glenn Beck, who absurdly claims to dismiss conspiracy theorists, is always on the lookout for anything with the word “progresssive” in it. He’s found progressive dishwashers, progressive paint and even a crayon named for Woodrow Wilson. It’s all part of a grand conspiracy to “embed” liberalism in everything. I’ve promised to try not to use words like “insane” and “crazy” to describe Beck and his ilk, but it’s really difficult to do. It’s just such an easy shorthand for these claims that are so utterly detached from reality.


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  • cottonnero

    He also found a potato chip that looks like Ronald Reagan, but he’s saving that for the February 6 broadcast.

  • ‘When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty Glenn Beck said, in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’

  • eric

    I’m guessing he’s not a fan of Progressive Insurance, Inc. Look on the bright side, Beck – since they’ve trademarked the name, the U.S. will only have one such company rather than many.

  • kantalope

    People have tried selling regressive dishwashers – but no one wanted one.

  • The Beautiful Void


    A regressive dishwasher would make already-clean dishes even cleaner while not touching already-filthy dishes. This is what’s technically called an “enriching centrifuge”, and I believe that the Iranians (amongst others) are in the market for those.

  • cswella

    @ kantalope 4

    People have tried selling regressive dishwashers – but no one wanted one.

    I’m sure fundies would love to have those, but thank goodness we have the 13th Amendment.

  • eidolon

    I am thinking ol’ Glenn is unaware of any other usage of the word in any context other than political.

    “…appening or developing gradually or in stages; proceeding step by step.”

  • Dunc

    I dread to think how he reacts every time his sat-nav tells him to turn left…

  • The Other Lance

    What about progressive dinner parties, progressive bar hopping, and progressive jackpots? Oh My GOD! It’s a plot to make people Lib’rul!!!!!

  • I hope he didn’t go through the electronics aisle and see the progressive scan DVD players.

  • illdoittomorrow

    Dunc @8,

    I suspect he briefly panics, makes three right turns, and then pats himself on the back.

  • 2-D Man

    I’ve promised to try not to use words like “insane” and “crazy” to describe Beck and his ilk,

    “Bonkers” works. I’m particularly fond of “bananas”.

  • generalfactotum

    Eric nailed it – Flo is the antichrist!

  • sinned34

    What about Progresso soup? Is that too close for ol’ Beckistan?

  • zero6ix

    I imagine that every time Beck has to use the word “progress” in any context, like saying how a verbal argument can be progress into a fist fight, he claps his hands, spins in a circle three times, and spits over his left shoulder. Because that’s the only way to stop the memetic disease.

  • Johnny Vector

    Whenever someone makes a claim like this, my first response is always “so the fuck what?” But having seen so many such rants, my second response is always “Is that even true?” So, here’s GE’s page listing all their dishwashers:

    Go ahead. Search for the word “progressive” on there. Or “Progress”. I don’t know, maybe he meant “Profile.” Cause they have that.

  • Brian63

    Ed mentioned:

    “I’ve promised to try not to use words like “insane” and “crazy” to describe Beck and his ilk, but it’s really difficult to do.”

    I think that is a very admirable gesture Ed. Those terms do represent real illnesses held by real people and the negative stigmas that we hold over them, making people afraid of having them and afraid of seeking help for them when they do have them. I do hope that you adopt a similar approach still by not using the term “wingnuttia” to describe a category of your posts for the same reason, still. Several posts you have made in recent weeks also make similar insulting references, as indirect comments about their psychological health, and I hope you will be able to cease those as well.

    Thank you for showing regard and concern about this,


  • eric


    What about Progresso soup?

    Oooh, sounds like progressive AND sounds foreign! That’s even worse!


    I do hope that you adopt a similar approach still by not using the term “wingnuttia” to describe a category of your posts for the same reason

    Uh? I could be wrong, but I don’t think the term “wingnut” harks back to the mental health industry at all. AIUI, the term refers to this and is used to describe oddness. A wingnut is an odd sort of nut. A figurative wingnut is a person who believes odd things.

  • Sastra

    I think Beck is interpreting the word “progressive” too liberally.

    Oh no. “Liberal.” Notice how it’s supposed to be something positive, like “that ice cream store is very liberal with the hot fudge sauce on their sundaes.” Insidious.

  • caseloweraz

    Yabbut, Johnny Vector, GE’s motto is “Progress is our most important product.” So they must inevitably be suspect in Glenn Beck’s wasted mind.

  • Curt Cameron

    Glenn Beck broadcasts only in 1080i.

    1080p is for the liberal Marxists doncha know.

  • jbrock

    I wonder how he feels about progressive reloading presses.

  • vmanis1

    I had progressive bifocals once, but I hated them, the near-vision area was too small, and I read a lot. So the next time I asked for reactionary bifocals.

  • “So the next time I asked for reactionary bifocals.”

    Are those the ones that come with the “blinders”?


    “cra·zy [krey-zee] Show IPA adjective, cra·zi·er, cra·zi·est, noun, plural cra·zies. adjective

    1. mentally deranged; demented; insane.

    2. senseless; impractical; totally unsound: a crazy scheme.

    3. Informal. intensely enthusiastic; passionately excited: crazy about baseball.

    4. Informal. very enamored or infatuated (usually followed by about ): He was crazy about her.

    5. Informal. intensely anxious or eager; impatient: I’m crazy to try those new skis.

    “in·sane in-seyn] Show IPA adjective

    1. not sane; not of sound mind; mentally deranged.

    2. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a person who is mentally deranged: insane actions; an insane asylum.

    3. utterly senseless: an insane plan.

    (source for both:

    Both words have colloquial meanings that do not necessarily relate to actual diagnosable mental illness. Use of the words, when describing someone whose actions are clearly illogical and whose expectations are unrealistic is merely shorthand.

    Glennie Bek is nuttier than a dumptruck full of force fed squirrels but I have no idea what his actual diagnosis might be.

    “Wingnuts” are, as a demographic, demonstrably immune to logic and facts. They also seem to be victims of group hysteria or mass hysteria*. Whether any or all of them are actually diagnosable as being mentally ill is not the issue.

    * Hysteria is a word that is also loaded with negative connotations but, afaia, it’s still in current use.

  • freehand

    Brian63, I was not aware that crazy was an illness. I know that bipolar disorder is, paranoid schizophrenia is, and autism is.

    “Crazy” refers to unusual behavior, delusional thoughts, unpredictable acts, or simply people who do not share my values. I can refer to an ex-roommate as crazy with fondness, or a comedian with admiration, or a politician with contempt. What else should we call a talking head who is hateful, irrational, apparently delusional, obsessive, pathologically greedy, and incapable of relating to people in a civilized way?

    I’m open to suggestions.

  • @25:

    Well, “fucking asshole” works but some folks consider that impolite, as well.

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    You may want to take out a min of your day to learn the history and mechanics of the dishwasher, you might just find it very informative and interesting…

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