Beware of Secret Demons

A few months ago, Pat Robertson told his credulous followers that they should pray over clothes that they buy at garage sales because they could have demonic spirits attached to them. Now he says other household objects might be connected to demons, but God might let you know. Maybe they should just invite Gordon Klingenschmitt over, he seems to have an awesome demonic spirit decoder ring.


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  • I think washing the clothes with mild bleach would have the same effect. Then again, if you can’t afford a washer because you gave all your money to Al-Qaeda Pat, I guess praying over them will have to do.

  • busterggi

    I often buy stuff at Curious Goods here in West haven where I work & I’ve never had any demon trouble.

    Maybe they’re only attracted to believers.

  • Dave, ex-Kwisatz Haderach

    So Scalia is wondering where the devil has been hiding these days, I guess the good justice just isn’t spending enough time at garage sales or thrift stores.

  • Two observations:

    1) I’m still hoping one day to meet that female demon the Japanese Emperor hangs out with;

    2) When teaching a philosophy survey at Daley College in Chicago several years ago, the discussion touched on prayer–and one young lady volunteered that when anyone in her family gets sick, they don’t bother with some doctor. Instead, they all pray, and the sick person gets better.

    This led another student to say that a friend of hers was once HIV positive, but got cured through prayer. Then she said: “It’s all demons.”

    I don’t draw any profound conclusion from all this–just that Pat Robertson and America often seem tailor-made for each other.

  • butchpansy

    If only the horrible smell of Febreze could be washed out as easily as demons.

  • Larry

    I think my toaster is demon-free but I’m not so sure about the TV. Late at night, I walk past it and I see a demon’s red eye looking at me. Oh, my wife says its just the power light but I know better. Besides, if it isn’t possessed, why is it everytime I change channels,its always showing a commercial?

  • matty1

    Maybe Pat Robertson is a demon, it would explain a few things.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    OK but what about all those Chinese made clothes that Pat’s followers are buying at Wal-Mart? Those must be absolutely crawling with demons of the worst sort. What’s Pat got to say about that? Oh, he’s buddies with the Walton family? Nevermind.

  • Trebuchet

    Pat needs to pray over that necktie. The color is demonic!

  • felidae

    If there is a demon that causes those it inhabits to babble incoherently, one of those must have taken over Pat, Gordon, Glenn, Michele, et al along time ago–time for an exorcism perhaps?

  • grumpyoldfart

    After the show he turns to the crew and says, “I wonder how many of the clowns will believe that shit.”

  • slavdude

    Oh come on, we all know that it’s really industrial laundry presses, like in that Stephen King mem–uh, documen–uh, story.

  • lorn

    And here I was thinking that Secret Santa was complicated.

  • dingojack

    Perhaps Pat, and his merry band of followers, should insert their steely knives into the nearest power outlet – I hear that electricity is the devil’s work!

    [Aw come on people, these Darwin Awards aren’t gonna win themselves you know!]

    😉 Dingo

  • anubisprime

    Some never left the primary school yard did they?…I wonder if he still tugs girls pony tails when he is showing off then doing hand stands or devil-may-care cartwheels in front of them all ?

  • Why doesn’t he just use an E-meter?

  • Kimpatsu

    …he seems to have an awesome demonic spirit decoder ring.

    How do I get a demonic spirit decoder ring? They sound uber-cool!

  • chilidog99

    All the suits at Goodwill are dead man’s clothes