Ken Ham Knows You’re Not Happy

Ken Ham, a carnival barker on the Christian midway, has noticed the CFI billboards that say “Millions of people are living happily without religion.” But since he’s omniscient, he knows you better than you know yourself. And he knows that you’re not really happy. In fact, only Christians can be happy.

One of these new atheist billboard campaigns—put together by the Center for Inquiry—tries to convince people that they can be just as happy without God. One of the billboards (located in Michigan) reads, “Millions of Americans are living happily without religion.” Of course, atheism, a blind faith that believes life is the result of natural processes, is in itself a religion—something held to with ardor and faith. What they really mean is that people are supposedly “living happily with the atheist religion!” God’s Word makes it clear that one is either “for” or “against” Christ—there is no neutral position. One either walks in “light” or “darkness.”

Actually, true happiness can only be found in knowing Christ.

Yes, of course, Ken. In the entire history of the world, only Christians have been “truly” happy. The other billions of people might think they’re happy, but they’re not. What do they think, that they know themselves better than this horse’s ass who’s never met them? Apparently ignorance is not the only thing that equates to bliss; presumptuous douchebaggery does too.

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  • doublereed

    I wonder if they have done studies on the happiness of presumptuous douchebags.

  • raven

    Ken Ham Knows You’re Not Happy

    And if you are happy, he will do his best to make you unhappy.

  • NitricAcid

    No surprise. I’ve also been told that only Christians can feel love. Without Christ in the relationship, it’s not love, it’s merely lust.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Join him or he won’t take you to his museum and let you ride his dinosaur! Join!

  • Anthony K

    Actually, true happiness can only be found in knowing Christ.

    Knowing this, YHWH waited 4,000 years to reveal Christ, and then only to a select group of people. What kind of a parent knowingly deprives so many of his children of the only source of happiness?

    Christ, what an asshole.

  • Artor

    Millions of people are happy without presumptuous douchebaggery. Of course, Ken Ham can’t have any of that!

  • Chiroptera

    I’m betting that Ken Ham also knows that deep down in your heart, you really do believe in God.

  • Poggio

    Saying a Christian is happier than an atheist is no more than saying a drunkard is happier than a sober person.

  • http://rhapsodies.wpmorse.com/ montanto

    Does he say how I can tell real happiness from the very enjoyable artificial happiness I’m experiencing now?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Poggio “Saying a Christian is happier than an atheist is no more than saying a drunkard is happier than a sober person.”

    What an awful comparison. Being a drunkard is way better than being a Christian. Can Christians start bar fights? Sleep on the lawn? Pee wherever they want? No!

    So, in conclusion, Your Honor, this court has no choice but to support and defend my drunkalidious First Amendment rights.

  • Akira MacKenzie

    My unhappiness dies with him.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Maybe we could piss him off even further by pointing out that libertarians manage to be smug without being christian, too.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Mark Twain addressed this question brilliantly in “The Mysterious Stranger”

    On my road home I came upon Satan, and reproached him with deceiving me with that lie. He was not embarrassed, but said, quite simply and composedly:

    “Ah, you mistake; it was the truth. I said he would be happy the rest of his days, and he will, for he will always think he is the Emperor, and his pride in it and his joy in it will endure to the end. He is now, and will remain, the one utterly happy person in this empire.”

    “But the method of it, Satan, the method! Couldn’t you have done it without depriving him of his reason?”

    It was difficult to irritate Satan, but that accomplished it.

    “What an ass you are!” he said. “Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?

  • Doug Little

    Sounds like Ken is a little jealous. I mean being happy without having to jump through ridiculous hoops, it just sounds too good to be true.

  • DaveL

    Yes, this is a favorite little game of apologists. Their dogma says that nonbelievers cannot be good, or wise, or happy, or have meaning in their lives. Since this is trivial to disprove by counterexample, they are forced to arbitrarily redefine what it means to be good, or wise, of happy, or to have meaning in one’s life, until their dogma becomes tautological.

    But maybe that’s just because Ham isn’t a true Christian, since I’ve declared the only true Christian is actually a particular Galapagos tortoise. I’ll leave it up to Mr. Ham to figure out which one.

  • eric

    Keep saying this Ken. Nothing makes more atheists like telling the world that Christian divine revelation contradicts the obvious. That’s not feature (of Christianity), its a bug.

  • dugglebogey

    Either you’re with Christ or you’re against him?

    As we know, only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes.

  • dugglebogey

    Also, if Atheism is indeed a religion. It’s not very organized.

    And FAR MORE people are living happily without Organized Religion, giving you their fucking tithe every week.

    There’s a reason the word pray and prey are homonyms.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    dugglebogey “There’s a reason the word pray and prey are homonyms.”

    Yes. It’s because they sound the same.

  • exdrone

    When I was an evangelical christian, I was rarely truly happy, although I would have said I was. I remember spending a lot of time reproaching myself for doing or thinking wrongly. Of course, that is not necessarily the experience of religionists, but I suspect it is common.

  • grumpyoldfart

    Actually, true happiness can only be found in knowing Christ.

    Christians reading those words will nod their heads wisely and say, “He’s right you know. Let’s send that nice Mr Ham some more money so he can keep on fighting the good fight.”

  • gerryl

    I remember getting that lecture from someone I used to chat with on my daily bus commute. Well, we chatted until the day she went in for the kill. The “Are you saved?” gambit. I assured her I was good. “But are you happy?” Yes. “Maybe you only think you’re happy.” I laughed and told her that yes, I think that is the point.

    I also remember that her winter coat reeked of tobacco smoke.

  • macallan

    Actually, true happiness can only be found in knowing Christ.

    In the biblical sense? Even if you’re male?

  • freehand

    Once again, applying the Reverse Ideologue Projection Principle®, I can make sense of a claim which, at first glance, seems merely stupid and contrary to readily observed facts. When confronted with such a statement, simply reverse “I” or “us” with “you” or “them”.

    Exdrone, yes. When I was trapped in a Southern Baptist childhood, everyone around me constantly reassured everybody else in their social circle that they were happy. I found it all a little forced and creepy after a while.