The Platonic Ideal of a Joseph Farah Column

Joseph Farah writes a column every day for the Worldnetdaily, which he owns, and it’s pretty much exactly what you expect. But I think with this column he may have perfected his art and published the Platonic ideal of a Joseph Farah column. The headline is “Last Rites for America?” and it’s all the usual claptrap about how America is going to hell but his readers can save it by marching on Washington to give President Obama a piece of their, uh, minds.

Things are looking grim for America right now.

The patient is in critical condition, and chief physician Barack Obama and his medical team are prescribing and administering potentially lethal doses of the very drug (more debt) that sent her to the emergency room.

We’re in for some very rough times.

Is it time for last rites?

Is it time for us to start planning a decent Christian burial for this great country?

One of the things that has always cracked me up about Farah’s columns is that he thinks a single question or a single sentence is a full paragraph. That’s how you turn less than 600 words into what looks to readers like a full column. He pads it with these simplistic little questions, with the next paragraph being the simplistic answer to the question.

The American people need to file the equivalent of a class-action malpractice suit against the hospital – and I mean now.

How do we do that?

Prayer would be a great start.

Anything else?

It’s time for a massive march on Washington.

Hey, maybe you could join your buddy Larry Klayman on Nov. 19th at the White House. I’m sure there will be tens of people joining with you. But to really be the Platonic ideal of a Joseph Farah column, it has to really be a pitch for a book he’s selling. Voila:

Like Jeremiah, I warned that we were on the wrong course 10 years ago in my book “Taking America Back.” I offered a simple prescription for moral, political and spiritual renewal. That prescription is still unfulfilled, and the ever-growing state threatens to take over the health-care system, along with just about every other facet of life in our country.

But the good news is more people than ever are waking up and recognizing there really is a cure for what ails us.

Before it’s too late, I urge you to read it, embrace it and get involved.


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  • Trebuchet

    As with headlines, any Farrah one-liner ending in a question mark can appropriately be answered “NO”.

  • jakc

    I’m confused. If we’re dead, how is it that we are going to bury ourselves?

  • lldayo

    How do you sue with prayer? I don’t remember the Bible saying anything about Jesus passing a bar exam while on Earth.

  • The patient is in critical condition, and chief physician Barack Obama and his medical team are prescribing and administering potentially lethal doses of the very drug (more debt) that sent her to the emergency room.

    Another thing that is key to Farah’s columns is that the eminate from an alternate reality that is completely different from the one the rest of us live in. In this case, it’s the delusion that Obama is prescribing “more debt.” In reality, Obama has done far more (often to the frustration of his fellow democrats) to curtail federal spending than He Who Must Never Be Named did. In fact, the deficit has now slipped below $1 trillion for the first time since He Who Must Never Be Named got us into two simultaneous wars.

  • matty1

    I like to pretend I can write anything meaningful.

    Why do I do that?

    Why does anyone read it?

    It’s time for my nap now.

  • stever

    While I think Farah and his crowd are masturbating with a sack of Macadamias, there is a grain of truth in his nonsense: you can’t get out of debt by borrowing more to make the payments on previous debt. A sovereign state can get away with that for quite a while, but it’s one step away from cranking up the printing presses until you’re issuing banknotes with denominations expressed in exponential notation (see Zimbabwe). I don’t know who will wind up owning the salvage rights to the wreck of the United States of America. I just hope I’m safely dead before the crash. The only bright spot is the fate of the Soviet Union, which proved that a nuclear-armed state can fall without a holocaust.

  • Never mind the Platonic ideal, matty1 has just invented JoeFarahtry. FTW.

  • cptdoom

    @stever#6 – but of course, Farah and the rest of his deranged fellow travelers will not even consider the possibility of raising revenue to actually reduce our deficit and begin paying off the debt. In fact if HWMNBN (a la d.c. wilson @4) had simply raised taxes back to the Clinton-era levels when he decided to have two simultaneous wars, we wouldn’t have the level of debt with which we are now dealing.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    @stever – Your understanding of how sovereign debt works and how it impacts the economy is nothing but tired old conventional wisdom that happens to be completely incorrect. ZOMG Zimbabwe! Unfortunately you forgot mention Weimar Germany in your right wing talking points. Half credit only, sorry.

  • sinned34

    Cptdoom at #8:

    During WWII, I do believe Americans were asked to conserve, reuse, recycle whenever possible, and to invest in war bonds and such in order to fund the war effort.

    During the Bush wars, Americans were told to not change a thing. In fact, they were encouraged to spend MORE, consume MORE, and pay LESS to the government (taxes are government theft!).

    Americans want wars (sort of), but don’t want to pay for them. Wars are fine when they are on section C6 of the newspaper, but if wars affect their relatively cushy but declining middle-class lifestyle, then Americans are less happy with them.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    Americans were told to consume more during the Bush wars for two reasons – one was the obvious propaganda value of saying ‘this war won’t disrupt your life at all, so I expect you to have no objections to it.’ But the other was the fact that even with the war, the economy wasn’t functioning at full capacity, so that spending was still needed to keep the economy going.

    WW2 was such a massive undertaking that economists like J K Galbraith recognized the potential for massive inflation resulting from an economy functioning at full capacity and striving to meet both government war needs and private consumption needs at the same time. This was the real reason for war bonds – the government did not need the money to fund the war, contrary to popular belief. Rather, it needed people to curtail their spending during the war in order to avoid the type of inflation that had resulting during WW1. So the idea was that people would be asked to save their wages in the form of war bonds, rather than go spending them in the market place.

    The effect was inflation was controlled by deferring consumer spending until after the war when the bonds were cashed in and used to replace the government spending that shrank dramatically with the war’s end. On the whole it worked rather well, although there was a minor post-war recession.

  • loren

    I’m sorry, but no. This can’t be the platonic ideal of a Joseph Farah column.

    Because at no point does he actively beg for money.

  • Rip Steakface

    He Who Must Never Be Named

    People, I don’t think he’s going to find you and snatch you if you say George W. Bu- what the fuck? Karl Rove? What are you doi- AAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGHBGLAKSGBLAGB

  • Nick Gotts

    you can’t get out of debt by borrowing more to make the payments on previous debt. A sovereign state can get away with that for quite a while – stever

    In the case of Britain*, since 1692: 321 years so far.

    *Well, strictly speaking, the Kindom of England from 1692-1707, the Kingdom of Great Britain from 1707-1801, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland from 1801-1922, and the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland from 1922-date.

  • unemployedphilosopher

    This is especially funny because Plato would probably agree with Farah on many points. Seriously: The Republic reads like something Mussolini came up with, then tossed into a blender, and said, hey, this is a tasty puree. How can we make it crazier?

  • arakasi

    Republicans like to tout their experience in business as if running a company is directly comparible to running the country. Yet, if you listen to their pontificating, you would imagine that they have never heard of the concept of investing – you spend money up front, borrowing it if you have to, in the expectation that far greater returns will come in the future.

    The government has an advantage over private business in a couple of ways – the returns can be much more indirect than a business can handle, so investments such as building a bridge can have a net beneficial effect even though no money flows back to DC. Also, the action of giving someone a paycheck or buying a load of steel has a direct positive impact on the economy. Repeat a million times over and the economy gets a jumpstart.