The Kardashians and Messages From the Illuminati

There are several possible responses to the Kardashians’ latest Christmas card. My response is: Who could possibly give a fuck? In fact, I would have no idea it existed at all if not for this article at Alex Jones’ Infowars site, which contains another response: It’s all an Illuminati plot!

If there was an award for the less Christmas-y Christmas card in the History of the world, I believe that the 2013 Kardashian Christmas card would take the prize. Shot by elite fashion photographer David Lachapelle, the card is a rather grim and depressing summation of the entertainment world – an industry ruled by a shadowy elite that is turning popular culture into a toxic wasteland populated with vacuous celebs such as the Kardashians.

The wide panoramic card is filled with symbolism and references describing everything that the Illuminati entertainment industry is about…

Behind the Jenner sisters are two Illuminati pyramids, complete with the All-Seeing Eye. The card can’t be clearer about who “owns” this entire family. Scattered around the card are dismembered mannequins, a symbol that is often used to represent Mind Control, a practice that is rampant in the Illuminati entertainment industry…

In short, this card sums up what popular culture in 2013 is all about: Illuminati, mind control, superficiality, exploitation of children and all around mind-numbing, time-wasting idiocy.

Oh yes, mind-numbing, time-wasting idiocy to be sure. A perfect description of both the Kardashians and your bizarre take on them. There is no “shadowy elite” here, there’s a decidedly non-elite (in terms of merit, that is) family earning huge amounts of money because, for some reason I will never understand, the rubes find them fascinating.

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  • daved

    He’s right about one thing — that is truly awful as a Christmas card.

  • matty1

    Alex Jones is on the Kardasians Christmas card list? Maybe he’s just pissed off he didn’t get a present, I hear he asked for a secret decoder ring.

  • matty1

    I seem to have missed an ‘h’ there, or maybe I subconsciously know Jones is in with the obsidian order

  • Scr… Archivist

    Indeed. Cardassian society is rather hierarchical and dominated by the military. Of course there is an elite.

    But as for the “card”, I think you’ve mixed up your entertainment franchises. That picture is not from DS9, it’s from the Hunger Games.

  • flatlander100

    C’mon guys. When your stock in trade is tacky, tacky is what you do. And when you do it well, people will spread your latest attempts, free, around the webs and columns, claiming to be aghast. And let us be fair: the Ks do tacky very very well. Up- market Jersey Shore well, and then some.

  • barry21

    For once Jones may be right. The New World Order is the only reasonable explanation for such uninteresting, useless people being as famous as they are.

  • matty1

    Good point, they have found a way to get rich doing what their audience/customers want and while it isn’t to my taste they appear to be doing a lot less harm in the process than many ‘serious’ people in business and politics.

  • busterggi

    If the Kardasians represent intellectualism …

  • thinkfree83

    I’m more inclined to think the Kardashians are an elaborate al-Qaeda plot/performance art piece designed to discredit the influence of American pop culture throughout the world. It’s a more comforting thought than the idea that these people became famous, despite not being able to sing, dance, act, or do anything that would justify having them be in the media on a 24/7 basis.

  • Trebuchet

    Damn you, Ed. You made me click on the Infowars link just so I could see the stupid card! And damn you, too, Google, for not finding it for me.

  • matty1

    Who releases Christmas cards to the general public anyway, aren’t they meant to be sent to particular people you have some connection with? Yet more evidence Alex Jones is pissed off he didn’t get invited to Gul Dukat’s tree trimming party.

  • Brony

    I have a term for this sort of thing, “de facto conspiracy”. When general human nature causes us to do things that conspiracy theorists pick up on due to common cultural programming.

    We like to have comparison examples of lots of things in society, including families. So in England you get obsession with the royal family, and here you get the Kardashians and Duck dynasty. The obsession with banking and shadowy groups is probably similar. When groups of powerful people get resources they want to keep them, control them, and capitalize on them. So you find powerful people with resources doing similar things and it looks like a conspiracy even though it’s just human nature.

  • matty1

    When groups of powerful people get resources they want to keep them, control them, and capitalize on them.

    Just a small amendment but I wanted to point out that the desire to keep and benefit from what you have is not restricted to the rich and powerful, or for that matter to groups.

  • Brony

    Excellent point. Thanks.

  • Brony

    Though society does place a difference between those that have the resources, and those that do not. Awareness of power and level of resources necessary to exercise power is probably part of why these filters that look for conspiracies get focused the way that they do.

    So while the point is true, it’s beside the point here unless you want to talk about the conspiracies that rich folks form about the poor for the actions that they will take due to common cultural software. Because these sorts of conspiracy theories about the poor do exist and are part of our cultural narratives.

  • matty1

    Oh I see your point, the stuff you do to keep control of property looks different when you have more property and the ways it looks different (complex contracts and financial deals, employing lots of people) feed into conspiracy thinking.

    I do as it happens hate what you refer to as conspiracy theories about the poor more than those about the rich because they are, at least in attenuated form, more influential. Few laws get changed based on the belief that the Trilatteral Commission killed JFK, plenty do based on the belief that people recieving welfare benefits are drug addicted criminals.

  • timgueguen

    Jones is just jealous that the Carcrashians get more attention than he does. Lots of folks have never heard of the Crankmeister General, while he has to share his fans with Kim and co.

  • democommie

    The Kardashaclan is a lot of things, the Illuminati, it most certainly is not.