Fischer: Duck Dynasty Suspension is Mark of the Beast

You can always count on Bryan Fischer to take the usual wingnut outrage and turn it into something even more stupid than what his colleagues are saying. On his show on Friday, he claimed — bizarrely — that the suspension of the duck dynasty douchebag is, literally, the mark of the beast.

But in a blog post, Fischer also says that the duck dick’s suspension is a “historic opportunity” to turn our terrible slide into sin around once and for all.

Phil Robertson has created a moment of historic opportunity for evangelicals and social conservatives to reverse our cultural slide into sexual deviancy and begin turning our ship of state back toward sexual normalcy.

The only question that remains: will evangelicals and other like-minded Americans seize the moment? Will we capture the energy Phil Robertson has generated and draw on that energy to confront the entrenched fortresses of error and sexual abnormality that right now dominate our social landscape?

No, you won’t. You’ll keep whining to one another and we’ll keep laughing at you.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/den.wilson d.c.wilson

    What isn’t the Mark of the Beast in his mind?

  • dysomniak, darwinian socialist

    Wait, then what’s this RFID chip in my forehead for!?

  • kraut

    What an IDIOT. You have to write it large to fit the person.

  • skinnercitycyclist

    As I understand it, the “slide into sexual deviancy” was rated one of the top ten attractions at Disneyland for six years running.

  • mikeyb

    Is Phil Robinson, Pat Robinson pretending to be Santa Claus? I just wanna know.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Who wants to start a betting pool on how long until we spot the first “Phil Robinson/Joe the Plumber 2016!” bumper sticker?

  • tubi

    Will we…confront the entrenched fortresses of error and sexual abnormality that right now dominate our social landscape?

    What the hell else have they been doing for the last 30 years? And it’s not working. I don’t think the “energy” created by Phil the Turd is going to change that.

  • busterggi

    “will evangelicals and other like-minded Americans seize the moment?”

    Sorry but the moment passed in less than a weekend. The Ducks are just another Sarah Palin variation with a questionable shelf life.

  • zippythepinhead

    If not the mark of the beast, then surely a sign of the apocalypse, for it is truly written in Revelations, “Lo and the angel did blow upon the golden trumpet and it made a sound of a quack as in the manner of a duck.”

  • felidae

    Maybe Bryan should look at the high rates of divorce and child abuse among Evangelicals and look to tidy up his own house before going off on “those people”

  • marcus

    @10 Mote and beam anyone? …anyone?

  • lorn

    I would pay good money to see Fischer’s nightmares.

  • Richard Smith

    So, it’s exploiting the victims and cries of “Too soon” when attempts are made to use recent events to raise awareness of such issues as gun violence, but it’s “seizing the moment” and “capturing the energy” when defending someone like Phil Robertson. Good to know they’ve got their priorities… straight.

  • kevinalexander

    I would pay good money to see Fischer’s nightmares.

    You don’t have to pay for it. Just do what he does and gargle ‘free porn’.

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    “What isn’t the Mark of the Beast in his mind?”

    Off the top of my head? The Mark of the Beast?

  • dingojack

    kevinalexander – I really wouldn’t recommend ‘gargling free porn’ that way tonsillitis lies!

    😉 Dingo

  • cry4turtles

    Who would’ve thought that the beast would emerge from the “Arts & Entertainment” channel?

  • http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

    lorn, a “righteous” man like Bryan probably doesn’t have nightmares. He probably dreams of nothing but taunting sinners from Heaven, surrounded by the 72 virgins people claim Muslim martyrs are supposed to end up with.

  • peterh

    @ #17:

    It may as well be A&E; the History Channel has all the aliens.

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    I remember when A&E had something to do with actual drama.

  • dingojack

    Demo – now you’re up to to twelve, was that is your second or your third regeneration?

    :) Dingo