Garrow: Dolphins Dying Due to Obama Nuke Conspiracy

Jim Garrow has been pushing the absolutely bizarre claim that Obama tried to nuke South Carolina but was thwarted by unnamed Pentagon officials, one of whom detonated a nuclear weapon in the Atlantic Ocean to prevent it. Now he has “proof” of that cockamamie theory:


Well Jim, it might have done that if it actually happened. But don’t you think we’d know if a nuclear weapon had detonated in the Atlantic Ocean? Do you think that would have gone completely unnoticed by the entire world? The article you cite says dolphins are dying from a rare virus. Nuclear detonations don’t cause viruses to appear.

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  • voidhawk

    Half a dozen B-movies have shown us that nuclear weapons can do exactly this.

  • richardelguru

    Nuclear detonations don’t kill dolphins: Democrat Presidents kill dolphins??

  • anubisprime

    “Nuclear detonations don’t cause viruses to appear.”

    But along with fuckwit religiously motivated goons and the dumbest of the dumbest conspiracy nuts, it seems some bacteria along with German cockroaches…(apparently)… might well inherit the earth after a nuking!

    At least all the rotten eggs will be in one basket then!…silver lining and all that!

  • Gregory in Seattle

    When Garrow can produce Godzilla or some other mutated giant creature that goes on a revenge rampage against a major city, I will believe his story.

  • Modusoperandi

    That’s ridiculous. It’s not Obama’s lost nuke. It’s Moochelle’s school lunches. Spread the word, people!

  • Area Man

    Why would the radiation kill only dolphins? Shouldn’t all manner of dead stuff be washing up? And shouldn’t it have been doing so starting in October?

  • frankb

    The nuclear blast and fallout (floatups in this case) have weakened the dolphins making them susceptible to these viruses. This also proves there is no Godzilla as it would love floating bits of meat in the ocean. Got you there smarty pants liberals.

  • jnorris

    voidhawk, some dolphins would die, other will mutate into fire breathing monsters!

    While Dr Garrow has proof, I find the tsunami that destroyed Charleston all the proof i need.

  • Thumper: Token Breeder

    Do I think a nuke could have caused a virus? No. Because radiation doesn’t cause viruses. Next question.

  • Thumper: Token Breeder

    @GregoryinSeattle #4

    I had heard rumours of the Fukishima disaster causing radioactive giantism in some sea creatures (apparently an oar fish and a giant squid have washed up on the pacific coast of the US…) but a quick scan of the websites google turned up leads me to believe the theory may not be credible…

  • dingojack

    If Obama detonated a nuke off SC where are all the Carolinian Crocoducks?

    Checkmate Garrow!


  • Artor

    Anubisprime, do the German cockroaches wear helmets with spikes on top? Do they talk in thick German accents? How can you tell a German cockroach from the other varieties?

  • MikeMa

    Garrow is undoubtedly part of an NSA/CSI/FBI joint venture to study how many people can be pulled in to a conspiracy versus how stupid the proposition. Glenn Beck was recruited but he didn’t have quite the level of derangement required. This could also explain Garrow’s insistence that he actually was a CIA operative.

  • MikeMa

    That should be NSA/CIA/FBI venture. Oh, well.

  • dingojack

    Artor – German Cockroaches.



    They may not survive a nuclear war*, but they certainly will come to dominate Texas BoE (they no nothing – nothing!)

    * In fact conifers, grasses and many kinds of insects survive even heavy doses of radiation, but cockroaches, sadly, would die in great numbers after the blast. They don’t like the cold (no humans, no central heating) and will die without food (once they’ve eaten everything humans have left behind). Not with a bang, but a whimper… :(

  • John Pieret

    Umm … quite beyond the network of sonar listening devices we have in the Atlantic to detect unfriendly submarines, seismographs around the world, including places the vastly powerful conspiracy that can’t keep pipsqueaks like Garrow from talking about it, would have detected even a small tactical nuke and commented on it. When they show the seismographic evidence of a considerable tremor 560 mi. SE of Charleston on Oct. 7/8, we may be able to stop pointing and laughing at Garrow and his credulous followers.

  • John Pieret

    “including places the vastly powerful conspiracy that can’t keep pipsqueaks like Garrow from talking about it couldn’t reach

    Phrase malfunction.

  • blf

    Garrow is part of the conspiracy. By having an “obvious loon” natter on about this, it deters the people who could uncover Teh Trvth from doing anything: Would you want to be associated with, or give any credence to, such a nutter?

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    What I love about this theory is that

    it was necessary to destroy ONE nuclear weapon not through dismantlement, but by detonation, even though the other 5100 warheads are completely safe in Obama’s hands.

    What kind of moron believes that a rational and heroic flag officer finds nuclear detonation a necessary response, but Obama remaining CINC of a nuclear armed nation requires no immediate further action?

    An officer certainly wouldn’t want to tell the press about this, because the press totally enjoys being incinerated in a nuclear fireball and thus is totes with Obama on this.

    It’s just mind-bogglingly stupid. It’s far more idiotic than birtherism, for instance.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    And as a Canadian living in Guelph, Ontario, who could be better placed than ‘Doctor’ Jim Garrow to figure out these conspiracies?

  • anubisprime

    <Anubisprime, do the German cockroaches wear helmets with spikes on top? Do they talk in thick German accents? How can you tell a German cockroach from the other varieties?

    ” If you want to kill an American cockroach with radiation, it will take 67,500 rems to do the job. German cockroaches are even more impervious to radiation, requiring between 90,000 and 105,000 before you’ll see them on their backs.”

  • anubisprime

    Must be the schnapps! and kartoffelsalat…

    I am only the messenger that is all the info I am allowed!…

    that is all!

  • marcus

    For me the scary part is the 5267 “Likes” his post garnered.

  • Ichthyic

    here’s another theory:

    Atlantic dolphin immune systems weakened from eating fish contaminated with products from the Deep Horizon oil spill.

    much more plausible.

    I can directly attest to having found extremely high levels of DDT and PCB metabolites in beached dolphins all along the CA coast in the late 80s/early 90s, that most certainly would have affected their immune systems.

    there are plenty of studies supporting the hypothesis that hydrocarbons found in crude oil will bioaccumulate:

    Immunotoxic effects from these are well known, and studies have already been published looking at the direct effects of this specific spill:

    the difference between my conspiracy theory and Garrows is…. I actually have research to support mine.

  • Ichthyic

    …oh, and I don’t blame Obama.

    I blame BP.

  • Ichthyic

    For me the scary part is the 5267 “Likes” his post garnered.


    i looked, thought I saw under a hundred?

    “95 people like this.”

    now if you’re talking about crazy dr jim in general… yeah the man himself garners over 5000 likes for his entire page.

  • Ichthyic

    I personally think Dr Jim’s facebook page needz moar goatz….

  • democommie

    “How can you tell a German cockroach from the other varieties?”

    Other cockroaches are happy in the kitchen, bath and cellar. German cockroaches must have “Lebensraum”.

    “That should be NSA/CIA/FBI venture. Oh, well.”

    I first scanned it as, NASCAR/FBI which, if you’re from South Carolina would make lots of sense as NASCAR is more Important there than either NASA or the NSA.

    Jim Garrow’s face should be on a billboard with the legend:

    “When you outlaw bullshitevidence, only the bullshitters will HAVE evidence!”

  • democommie

    And, yes, I’m aware that the last sentence is illogical and a non-sequitur–sue me.

  • Ichthyic

    Orly Taitz just filed a lawsuit. I heard it go *plop* right on an unfortunate judge’s desk.