God’s State of the Union

The Republicans gave no fewer than three responses to President Obama’s State of the Union address, but those efforts pale in comparison to Pastor Steven Andrew (no relation to our own Zingularity, of course), who delivered “God’s State of the Union” on Youtube. TL;DR: God’s really pissed off at us for doing things he doesn’t like.

Now, this is how you restore God’s blessings. People like Barack Obama have a totally different vision of America. His vision is to follow Satan, and we know this because of his homosexual sin that he just is open about, bringing homosexual sin to the military, to every part of the nation. This brings God’s wrath and his judgment.

Oh, there’s more.

Andrew also blamed the difficulties of the Iraq War on the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, arguing, “The military court-martialed homosexuals so God would bless the military! Look, with Barack Obama bringing homosexual sin to the military, they can’t even win in Iraq!”

Well of course.

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  • erichoug

    When I listen to people like this, it makes me incredibly happy that I don’t go to church any more.

    Fucking moron, facist, christian re-constructionist asshole. People like this should be hunted with dogs.

  • John Pieret

    Wow! DADT was ended on September 20, 2011 and we completed our withdrawal from Iraq in December 2011. We would have won a war we had been fighting since 2003 in that last three months, with greatly reduced troop numbers, if we hadn’t ended DADT?

    BTW, military personnel weren’t court martialed under DADT, they were administratively discharged.

  • Thumper: Token Breeder

    “Look, with Barack Obama bringing homosexual sin to the military, they can’t even win in Iraq!”

    That’s gotta be it. Can’t see why I didn’t see it sooner! These God damn liberals with their talk of tactics and technology and funding and guerilla warfare, what the fuck do they know?

  • keithb

    He is totally wrong. It is because we make our soldiers work on the sabbath!

  • quiddity42

    Tax free status.

  • jnorris

    Mr Andrew’s God (MAG) had two electoral opportunities to prevent Mr Obama from becoming POTUS. MAG either didn’t see the threat or ignored it. It’s too late for MAG to be telling us stuff. Too little, too late.

    Note to Mr Andrew: if you want to play in the cesspool that is religious politics in America, you have to trade up from your current 4-cylinder god to at least a 6-cylinder turbo charged god. You can get a trade in and a good deal at the Pantheon for Jerry Falwell’s used god.

  • justsomeguy

    @jnorris #6:

    Come to Crazy Saint Bob’s Used Gods! Due to a misinterpreted doomsday prophecy, he is currently overstocked on fire gods, and he’s passing the savings on to YOU! Kids get a free balloon!

  • jnorris

    justsomeguy, Terry Pratchett might just use that.

  • http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

    Isn’t it funny how God never makes a personal appearance, never issues His own press releases, never tweets or posts a status update to Facebook, hasn’t written anything new in more than 1600 years, and is always represented by wide-eyed fanatics screeching nonsense.

    It is almost like He doesn’t exist or something.

  • Synfandel

    So, God blesses an army that doesn’t tell Him about its sexual orientation, but brings His wrath and judgment to those who are out of the closet. Interesting.

  • http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

    @justsomeguy #7 – Might I interest you in the Global Standard Deity, from the Jasper Fford Thursday Next series?

    The GSD has a little bit of all religions, arguing that if there was one God, then He would really have very little to do with all the fluff and muddle down here on the material plane, and a streamlining of the faiths might very well be in His interest. Worshippers came and went as they pleased, prayed according to how they felt most happy, and mingled freely with other GSD members. It enjoyed moderate success, but what God actually thought of it no one ever really knew.

  • tsig

    As long as the enemy has iron weapons god can’t help.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Fear not, God-fearers! Victoria Jackson has declared a run for public office in Tennessee, which will soon lead to Higher Things and a return to gawdliness everywhere!

  • Erk12

    Gregory @ 9 couldn’t be more wrong. God does have a Twitter account.

  • felidae

    Don’t you think that an almighty deity could rent a few billboards or put some spots on TV to send us messages rather than sending a fucking tornado to Oklahoma to tell us he isn’t pleased where some of our citizens choose to stick their dick or tongue

  • marcus

    “God’s really pissed off at us for doing things he doesn’t like.”

    Well fuck Him if he can’t take a joke!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1531393070 danrobinson

    “Used Gods”

    Now there’s a concept just dripping with comedy gold!