Charles Pierce on Sarah Palin

Charles Pierce is probably my single favorite columnist today. He can be brutal, but usually with great justification. In a new column he takes on Sarah Palin’s recitation of a plagiarized viral email with a rewritten Green Eggs and Ham at CPAC.

Yesterday she gave a wildly received speech to ring down the curtain at CPAC. The applause, as far as I know, may still be going on. It was as singularly embarrassing a public address as any allegedly sentient primate ever has delivered. It was a disgrace to politics, to rhetoric, to the English language, and to seventh-grade slam books everywhere.

This ambulatory bag of rank resentment pulled out all the tricks. The cheap shots; “Aw, John, why the long face?” to the Secretary of State. The sneering, wheedling playground taunting — “You can’t make a phone call without Michelle Obama knowing, ‘This is the third time this week you dialed Pizza Hut Delivery'” — and a full panoply of funny voices that are the trademark of dipshit comics in every two-drink minimum club in America. We got “hope and channng-ey,” and how “some members” of the GOP establishment are saying to us, “Hush, America. Go to sleep, little lambs.” And, in what is being celebrated as the piece de resistance , she turned Green Eggs And Ham into an extended taunt…

If you laughed, you’re an idiot and I feel sorry for you.

And this may be the best answer I’ve heard yet to her gloating about having one of her speechwriters correctly predict something that happened:

We even got the inevitable gloat. Back five years ago, somebody wrote down on a little card for her that allowing the Russians to invade Georgia — as though there was anything we could have done about that — would embolden Vladimir Putin to move on Ukraine. She dutifully read it in public and now, of course, she is the smartest geopolitical mind in the country…

In 2008, we should remember, she wasn’t sure how many Koreas there were, thought Saddam Hussein was behind the 9/11 attacks, and was unclear whether or not Africa was a country. So, in an act of Christian charity, I will grant that some anonymous staffer, who very likely has only now recovered from the serious heroin habit he developed while working with Palin on foreign policy in 2008, was slightly clairvoyant about the intentions of the Putin government. Well done, unsung hero. If you respect her knowledge of anything beyond where her next speaking fee is coming from, you’re an idiot and I feel sorry for you.

Ouch. But well deserved.

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  • Reginald Selkirk

    And, in what is being celebrated as the piece de resistance , she turned Green Eggs And Ham into an extended taunt…

    Dr. Seuss, aka Theodor Geisel, was a liberal Democrat and certainly would not have approved of the recent Republican usurpation of his work.

    The line “A person’s a person, no matter how small!!” from Horton Hears a Who! has been used widely as a slogan by the anti-abortion movement in the U.S., despite the objections of Geisel’s widow. While Geisel preferred to let his work speak for itself, he did occasionally speak out to protect his characters from exploitation. In 1986, when the line was first used by the pro-life movement, he demanded a retraction and received one.[69]

  • jamessweet

    Heh. I don’t think stuff like this really adds anything of value to the political dialogue, but it sure is mighty fun to read.

  • busterggi

    Pierce is too damned nice.

  • eric

    If you are country of one person, you can not like ACA and you don’t have to get health insurance at all. If you live in the US, it doesn’t matter if you like it or not. Most of the voters like it as a government service, the supreme court has ruled its a constitutional government service, congress has passed it as a government service, and the chances of (a different) congress eliminating it are pretty close to zero.

  • pocketnerd

    Okay, Sarah, what about all the people who correctly predicted that invading Iraq was a bad idea? When do we get to gloat about being right about that?

  • zero6ix

    I don’t think anyone, ANYONE, involved in the desecration of Seuss actually read the rest of the itty bitty teeny tiny children’s book. That, or using the conservative super power of ignoring unpleasant facts allowed them to COMPLETELY MISS THE POINT.

    *Spoiler Alert!*

    The guy ends up liking green eggs and ham at the end.

  • Alverant

    If Horton Hears a Who had the like “A person’s a person no matter what color” would Palin be copying it?

  • David C Brayton

    @6 I know! It boggles my mind that Palin would choose that story when the moral of it is that green eggs and ham (i.e. Obamacare) actually were pretty darn good and that what was preventing him from trying them in the first place were his preconceived judgments.

    Really and truly…the most ironic speech give so far this century.

  • Modusoperandi

    I prefered Happy Birthday in Bunches, Hop on Socks and, of course, Horton Hears a Ham, from his later period after Seuss had gone quite mad.

  • naturalcynic

    @8 Not yrally, Sen Cruz botched Green Eggs in his fruitless filibuster only a few months ago. And Cruz is supposed to be the smart one.

  • arthurski

    Sarah Palin is a worldwide expert in Russian relations. She can see Russia from her house!