Klingenschmitt: Life Begins Before Conception

Leave it to Gordon Klingenschmitt to inform us all that life doesn’t begin at the point of viability or when a heartbeat can be detected or even at conception. No, life begins before conception “in the mind and heart of God.” So if you use birth control, you’re thwarting God’s will and you’re going to burn in hell. You have been warned.

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  • Chiroptera

    Aren’t I preventing life every time I don’t have sex?

  • alanb
  • Alverant

    When I was a kid I remember reading in Mad Magazine a parody they were doing of conservative groups. One said, “We believe that life begins the moment the woman’s bra is unhooked.” I didn’t think that would ever be a person’s serious position.

  • sqlrob

    Well, life DOES begin before conception.

    About 3.5 Billion years before, give or take.

  • zenlike

    Their god is such a pathetic excuse for a supreme being if his will can be thwarted by 5 cents of rubber.

  • sqlrob

    These guys never think through their position (yeah, yeah, I know).

    Your god is so weak, a little piece of rubber can thwart him? And you worship something that weak?

  • flatlander100

    I think that’s pretty much mainstream Mormon doctrine he’s preaching.

  • “Klingenschmitt: Life Begins Before Conception”

    And in Klingsontoshit’s case, so does brain death.


    Five cent rubbers are not your best defense against unwanted babeez.

  • Monty Python was there first.

  • Alverant

    5 cents for a condom?! Bad idea. Considering the cost of failure, I’d spend a lot more.

  • dingojack

    Well Gordo – You know that time you decided not to go on holiday to Mexico, but rather to buy new brake linings for your car.

    You didn’t meet a desperate Mexican women, get blind drunk on Tequila, have your wicked way with her*, get her pregnant, get forced into a shotgun wedding with her, then subsequently have 24 children over the course of a miserable loveless 60 year marriage.

    On the other hand you didn’t commit a hit-and-run that killed a young teenager, so he grew up to be a OB-GYN.

    So it’s not all bad, eh?



    * 30 seconds having sex with you, you’d have to be blind drunk

  • dingojack

    “Five cent rubbers are not your best defense against unwanted babeez.”

    Would that ‘better defence’ be Evilfascistcommiegod-hatin’ hotNsweatyHomobuttseks™, by any chance?

    I’m not quite sure Fruity Gordo could get behind that (so to speak) as much as he might want to.

    🙂 Dingo

  • johnfromberkeley

    The takeaway is to have as much sex as possible, so you don’t leave those little babies stuck in God’s mind.

  • Chiroptera

    If God wants all these babies born, why doesn’t he just make ’em out of dirt like he’s done before? Did he lose the recipe?

  • Menyambal

    According to scripture, even before I was conceived, God had condemned me to hell. There was some bastardy a few generations back, and I am forbid the congregation of the Lord. I certainly can’t have children myself, with that hanging over them. So who gets the blame for all the babies that I haven’t caused?

  • Menyambal

    Oh, in answer to his question, life begins at birth. When the doctor signs the birth certificate, it’s legal.

  • He’s right. Life begins before life. That’s just common sense.

  • velociraptor

    @4 Zenlike

    Where do you want you internet delivered?

  • dingojack

    “All The Myriad of Ways”


  • Amphiox

    One would think that if he really wanted to, the all powerful creator of everything could make a condom fail.

  • D. C. Sessions

    Five cent rubbers are not your best defense against unwanted babeez.

    No, but a statistical analysis of thwarting vs. condom cost would produce a pretty good value for the Power of God in dollars and cents. Based on a rough back-of-the-wrapper calculation, I’m a lot more worried by the Power of Gates.

  • Well, if life begins before conception, abstinence is murder.

    Does this also mean no one can condemn a teenager who gets pregnant?

  • steve84

    Life begins at erection and ends at birth

  • caseloweraz

    He actually asked five or six questions, but leave that aside.

    So life begins before conception “in the mind and heart of God.” Therefore anything that prevents or is intended to prevent conception is ungodly and must be abandoned.

    But a disaster that kills hundreds of men, women and children is part of God’s great plan.

  • Nihilismus

    If the eternal soul exists before conception, and even after termination of the embryonic development, then why do these Christians even care?

    It’s like being nagged to leave the comfort of my home to go to a lame party where I might make an ass of myself, getting a call on the way that the party was canceled, and winding up back at my house for the night, which is where I wanted to be anyway. A soul is presumably in heaven, has to risk a crappy “life” on earth without any memory of its previous existence in heaven and where it might break some unknown arbitrary rule or simply not believe in God and thus be sent to hell, and then, if all goes right, goes back to heaven. Contraception or abortion would just be canceling the risky trip to stay in heaven.

  • It seems that my earlier comment lacked the crystal focus of my usually laserlike lucid, um, stuff.

    I did not mean that rubbers are a bad idea, I meant that a FIVE CENT rubber is a bad idea. I haven’t bought a condom in years but I think that if you’re paying a nickel for them they’re prolly not all that.

  • So, according to Klingenschmitt, a condom is just like an iron chariot?

  • freehand

    Alverant: 5 cents for a condom?! Bad idea. Considering the cost of failure, I’d spend a lot more.


    No, no, they’re fine at the price. They’re refurbished is all.